Mom Threatens Son After He Refused Taking Out Loan To Get A Car For His Younger Brother
This young worker is fighting to navigate a risky financial request from his mom.
A 22-year-old man (OP) who has been working full-time since he was 18 found himself at a difficult crossroads.
His mother recently asked him to take out a loan in his name for his younger brother, so she could buy him a car gift for graduating in flying colors.
On the surface, it seems like a simple request to support a family milestone, but the situation carried much more weight.
OP has been responsible with his finances, contributing to household bills when offered, and is careful about managing debt because of his job as a debt collector. He knows firsthand how loans taken on behalf of others can spiral out of control.
With his car loan nearly finished and plans for an overseas trip looming, he decided to decline his mother’s request, citing the risks involved.
This decision, however, didn’t sit well with his mother. She told him she wouldn’t help him anymore and accused him of being an a**hole.
Now, he’s stuck in a position where he feels he’s doing the responsible thing, but it has caused significant tension with the family.
The story shows how messy money matters can get in families and how tough it feels when you’re caught between helping someone you love and protecting your own stability.
Check out the full screenshots below to see how this situation unfolded and how the conversation between OP and his mother played out.
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comOP’s mom wants him to take out a loan in his name for his younger brother
Reddit.comShe wants to use the money to get a car gift for his brother, who just graduated with flying colors
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Understanding Financial Obligations
Dr. Tiffany Aliche, a financial educator and founder of The Budgetnista, emphasizes the importance of understanding financial obligations before agreeing to loans. She suggests individuals assess their financial situation critically, asking questions like, 'Can I afford this payment?' and 'How will this affect my credit score?'
Dr. Aliche points out that parents often mean well, but they may inadvertently place undue pressure on their children. Open communication about finances can help avoid conflicts and empower young adults to make informed decisions.
Future Financial Planning
Financial planners advise setting up a structured plan for major financial decisions, such as loans, to prevent future conflicts. For instance, creating a family financial plan can clarify roles and expectations, reducing the potential for misunderstandings.
Stanley Druckenmiller, a renowned hedge fund manager, emphasizes that understanding long-term implications of financial commitments is crucial. He advises young adults to seek professional advice before making significant financial decisions, ensuring that they are not only aware of their current capabilities but also future consequences.
OP refused, causing his mom to threaten never to help him out with anything going forward
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OP added some extra info
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We gathered some interesting reactions from the Reddit community
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Experts in family psychology, such as Dr. Madeline Levine, emphasize the importance of promoting financial independence among young adults. She notes that when parents ask their children to take on financial responsibilities, it can create feelings of guilt and obligation that may damage relationships.
Dr. Levine suggests that parents should encourage their children to establish their own financial goals while providing guidance rather than coercion. This approach fosters resilience and promotes a healthy understanding of financial boundaries.
“She/they should be using their own credit, not yours, for this gift.”
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“It sounds like you mother wants to shirk ANY responsibility for paying back the loan by getting it in your name.”
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“The reason your mother has a low credit score is because she spends money on luxuries she can’t afford.”
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Setting Healthy Boundaries
Dr. John Duffy, a clinical psychologist, explains that setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy family dynamics. He advises young adults to communicate clearly with their parents about their financial limits and the implications of taking on such loans.
Dr. Duffy suggests practicing assertiveness and using 'I' statements to express feelings without escalating tension. For example, saying, 'I feel overwhelmed by this request' can open up a constructive dialogue, allowing for mutual understanding and respect.
“If you took out the loan in your name and Mom couldn't pay, you would be screwed.”
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“NTA Your brother is 18 and an adult. He NEEDS to get a job and pay for it himself.”
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“My niece’s fiancé co-signed a car loan for his father. Dad reneged on the loan. Now fiancé’s credit score is tanked.”
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A relationship expert highlighted that family financial dynamics can often be complicated, leading to stress and resentment. It's essential to recognize that financial requests might stem from underlying issues, such as parental anxiety about financial stability.
By addressing these emotions openly, families can foster a more supportive atmosphere. Engaging in family meetings to discuss finances can also demystify the topic and enhance understanding, ensuring everyone feels heard and valued.
OP drew a clear line, and honestly, it was the only sensible move. A loan that size can wreck your credit if anything goes wrong, and he already knows that from his job.
His brother isn’t even licensed yet, so rushing to buy him a car feels off.
Finally, we can say that this is just OP protecting himself. With time, his mom may cool off and realize he acted responsibly, not selfishly.
How would you have handled this situation if you were in OP’s shoes? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Expert Opinion
This situation highlights the complex dynamics of familial obligation and financial responsibility. The pressure OP feels from his mother's request likely stems from a deep-rooted desire to maintain family harmony, but his awareness of the financial risks involved shows a strong sense of self-preservation and maturity. Ultimately, it’s a classic case of needing to balance love for family with the need to protect one’s own financial stability, which can create significant internal conflict.Understanding the Deeper Patterns
In navigating complex family financial requests, it's vital to prioritize communication, education, and personal boundaries. By understanding the emotional context behind financial requests and employing strategies to assertively set boundaries, young adults can foster healthier familial relationships.
Additionally, seeking external financial advice and developing structured financial plans can empower individuals to make informed decisions without feeling pressured. Ultimately, learning from these experiences can help families strengthen their dynamics while ensuring that financial obligations are manageable and respectful.
