Refusing To Take In Incontinent Cats - WIBTA

A 28-year-old woman refused to take in her mother’s two aging cats, and it’s not because she doesn’t love them. It’s because the cats are incontinent, and the mess is already a real problem in her mom’s house, with eroding floors, urine damage around the litter area, and a living room that always smelled like feces because the cats went behind the couch.

Now the mom, 58, has sold her house and needs a place fast, but she can’t stay with her male friend because he “doesn’t like cats.” The siblings are also unavailable, so the pressure lands on OP, who would not even be asked to buy supplies, just to host the cats temporarily in her own apartment as a single mother.

And the cruel part is, refusing means her mom might have to surrender the cats to the humane society, which would break her heart.

Original Post

I (28NB) am being asked to take in my mother (58F)'s two cats while she finds a new apartment since she's sold her house. Now, I'm not being asked to buy cat food or litter or even scoop the boxes.My mom's cats are 14-15 years old; they're incontinent, and I'm a single mother living in an apartment. I don't want to have to clean cat mess off my floors, plus pet urine, especially cat urine, can be permanently damaging to floors and furniture.I could lose my security deposit, could have to pay for damages/cleaning fees, and I could even be evicted if the damages ever ended up being really severe.To put things in perspective, the dining room floor at my mom's old house is eroding anyway, but the parts of her floor where the cat boxes were are the worst because they're going near the box instead of in it. Plus, her living room always reeked of feces because the cats were going behind the couch, and my mom didn't even notice for the longest time.Apparently, none of my four siblings are able to take in two cats for the time being, and the male friend that my mother stays with apparently doesn't like cats and won't let her stay in his house with hers. I don't want my mother to have to leave her cats at the humane society; my heart breaks just thinking about it.If the cats weren't incontinent, I'd take them in a heartbeat. Why I might be TA: If I refuse, my mother will have to leave her cats at the humane society.It's unfair to the cats, and my mom loves them. It would break her heart to have to give them up.The consequences if I refuse could also mean conflict/distance from my family, which would be painful for everyone involved.

Comment from u/GreekAmericanDom

Comment from u/rockology_adam

That’s when OP starts counting the real-world fallout, like security deposit loss, cleaning fees, and urine damage that could stick around longer than the cats do.

Research indicates that individuals who practice assertive communication are more successful in maintaining their mental health, especially in emotionally charged situations.

One effective strategy is to express your concerns clearly and compassionately to your mother, explaining the potential impacts of taking in incontinent cats on your living situation. This approach allows for an open dialogue where both parties can discuss their feelings and needs without escalating into conflict.

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Meanwhile, OP’s mom is stuck in between a sold house, an apartment hunt, and a boyfriend situation where the cats are basically a dealbreaker.

The Psychological Impact of Caregiving Decisions

It's vital to recognize that decisions about taking in pets can be laden with guilt and anxiety.

This also echoes the tension when someone revealed their pregnancy at their best friend’s engagement party and sparked spotlight drama, according to the post.

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Comment from u/DefiantUpstairs1651

Then OP looks at the family calendar and realizes none of the four siblings can take them, so the “temporary” plan lands on her.

In cases like this, it's important to weigh personal circumstances against emotional obligations.

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And the emotional bomb drops, because OP knows saying no doesn’t just hurt feelings, it could send two incontinent seniors straight to the humane society.

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Comment from u/Okie_dokie_36

The situation of taking in two incontinent cats sheds light on the emotional complexities of pet care intertwined with familial obligations. The dilemma faced by the protagonist is not merely about caring for the animals but also about balancing personal well-being with the needs of their mother. The history of these cats leaving messes adds a layer of urgency and discomfort to the decision. This approach ensures that the needs of both the individual and their family are respected, allowing for a resolution that honors responsibilities while also considering personal limits.

Refusing might be the kindest option for OP’s floors, but it could be the hardest choice for her mom’s heart.

For another family budget fight, read how one person asked their brother to pay more for vacation expenses, here.