Woman Has Refused To Cook And Host Thanksgiving And Christmas For Her Fiancé's Family And The Reddit Community Is In Full Support

Thanksgiving is one of the most anticipated times of the year—a time when having pleasant conversations and stuffing your face with turkey and pumpkin pie makes you giddy with delight.

Sadly, it can become very stressful for the people who plan and cook for these social occasions. This Reddit user, named u/FinalBlackberry, knows this from personal experience. The lady made a post in r/AITA, stating that for the past couple of years, she has been without any assistance cooking and hosting Thanksgiving as well as Christmas for her fiancé’s family.

According to u/FinalBlackberry, she begins preparing the night before, cooking the entire morning and evening, and when everything is done, she’s too worn out to even consider partaking in the food she prepared. Since she bears practically all the responsibility for the occasions, she concluded that she's too tired to even think about doing it this year.

What's more, the most disheartening part was that her fiancé's family showed no appreciation for everything she's been doing. The redditor's post received considerable engagement, garnering over 23.2K upvotes and more than 2K comments in just one day.

Feeling weary, the lady told her fiancé that she had no plans to cook for Thanksgiving this year.

Claudio Schwarz (not the actual photo)

And as you can tell, that didn’t sit right with him. Keep scrolling to read the entire story in the OP’s words below.

Here is the full post that the lady shared on the r/AITA Reddit community.

u/FinalBlackberry u/FinalBlackberry

Emotional Labor in Holiday Preparations

Preparing for holidays can invoke significant emotional labor, particularly for those taking on the majority of the work.

Research from the Journal of Family Psychology highlights that emotional labor often goes unrecognized and unacknowledged, leading to feelings of exhaustion and resentment.

Dr. Laura White, a clinical psychologist, notes that this imbalance can create strain in relationships, particularly if one partner feels their contributions are taken for granted.

The Psychological Burden of Holiday Expectations

The refusal to host significant family events during the holidays often reflects broader psychological dynamics related to stress and personal boundaries. Research indicates that holiday gatherings can create immense pressure, particularly for those responsible for planning and executing these events. Studies show that the anticipation of such responsibilities can lead to anxiety and feelings of overwhelm, especially for individuals already managing multiple roles, such as work and parenting. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher, "The stress of holiday planning can exacerbate existing tensions in relationships, particularly when one partner feels overburdened and unsupported." This sentiment is echoed by Daniel Goleman, a psychologist known for his work on emotional intelligence, who states, "The emotional toll of holiday expectations can lead to burnout and resentment if not addressed collaboratively."

Single-handedly cooking

u/FinalBlackberry u/FinalBlackberry

Being prepared

u/FinalBlackberry

According to studies, when individuals do not feel supported in their contributions, it can lead to an emotional disconnection between partners.

This can exacerbate feelings of being overwhelmed, especially during high-stress periods like the holidays.

Addressing these feelings through open communication can help partners support each other better and foster a more enjoyable holiday experience.

Moreover, the emotional labor involved in hosting gatherings often falls disproportionately on women, leading to disparities in stress levels and relationship satisfaction. Research suggests that when one partner bears the brunt of holiday planning, it can create feelings of inequity and frustration. This imbalance can exacerbate relationship tensions, particularly if the contributions of one partner are undervalued or overlooked.

Encouraging couples to discuss their roles and responsibilities during the holidays can help establish a more equitable approach, leading to greater satisfaction for both partners.

u/FinalBlackberry

No plans to cook...

u/FinalBlackberry u/FinalBlackberry

Balancing Responsibilities in Relationships

Healthy relationships often require a balance of responsibilities, particularly during times of increased stress.

Research indicates that shared responsibilities can lead to greater relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being.

Implementing a system for dividing tasks can help alleviate the emotional burden and promote teamwork within the relationship.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries around holiday responsibilities is crucial for maintaining personal well-being and relationship health. Research in clinical psychology emphasizes that establishing clear boundaries can protect individuals from emotional exhaustion and resentment. When partners openly communicate their limitations and preferences, it fosters a healthier environment where both individuals feel valued and understood.

Implementing strategies such as delegation and shared planning can help alleviate the psychological burden associated with holiday preparations.

On rough medication

u/FinalBlackberry

And now she's asking

A decision

u/FinalBlackberry

Furthermore, acknowledging the right to refuse hosting duties without guilt is essential for mental health. Studies show that individuals who establish firm boundaries around their personal space and responsibilities often experience higher levels of satisfaction and reduced anxiety. Encouraging open discussions about these boundaries can lead to healthier dynamics within the relationship, promoting mutual respect and understanding.

By normalizing the conversation around holiday obligations, couples can work towards a more balanced and enjoyable holiday experience.

Later on, her fiancé saw this Reddit thread and chose to drop everything since she was venting to the outside world.

u/FinalBlackberry

Dr. Susan David, an emotional agility expert, emphasizes that "the holiday season can amplify stress due to heightened expectations and family dynamics." She notes that women often feel the pressure more acutely, stating, "Women are more likely to take on the emotional labor of the holidays, which can lead to burnout if they don't prioritize self-care." It's essential to recognize that it's okay to decline certain responsibilities; as Dr. David advises, "Your loved ones should understand that you can't participate in every event without compromising your well-being." The AITA Reddit community has shown overwhelming support for the woman in this situation, affirming that she is justified in her decision to step back from hosting duties.

Know the kind of partner you have

Likely-Lemon

Thanksgiving tradition

Rowanever

So annoying

erinruthking

Girl, you've tried...

bageltan

Have fun, girl...

SyneRussell

Women don't have to do all the work

smooshfuckie

Everybody should make dishes

Careless-Image-885

Never been thanked

vance-mason

That's not right

spacejaycey

For the lady in this story to say "no" and stand by it requires a lot of courage, particularly when these social events mean so much to her fiancé and his entire family. Well, we all have our limits, so regarding our physical and mental fitness, it ought to be the main concern.

Drop your thoughts below about this issue and share them with your loved ones as well.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights common issues related to holiday stress and the pressure of hosting obligations. It's important for partners to communicate openly about their feelings and boundaries surrounding these responsibilities. By addressing these dynamics proactively, couples can enhance their holiday experiences and reduce stress.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, understanding the psychological complexities surrounding holiday responsibilities is vital for fostering healthy relationships. By encouraging open communication and boundary setting, couples can navigate these challenges effectively. Ultimately, promoting a balanced approach to holiday planning can lead to greater satisfaction and emotional well-being for both partners.

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

The emotional landscape of holiday preparations is often fraught with unrecognized labor and expectations.

Psychological insights emphasize the importance of communication and shared responsibilities in maintaining relationship harmony during stressful times.

Ultimately, it's about working together to create a joyful and fulfilling holiday experience for everyone involved.