This Woman's Father Is On The Brink Of Death, But While Others Are Grieving, She Feels Something Totally Different
Most people will consider this woman's feelings a taboo. But that's what she feels, nonetheless.
Abusive parents often leave an indelible mark on their children's psyche, which molds their self-worth, confidence, and overall worldview. Such abuse, whether emotional or physical, can resonate deep within and echo throughout their adult lives.
At 41, a woman (OP) shares her heart-wrenching narrative of her absent father, whose emotional abuse was too much to deal with. From him deserting the family during her infancy to his taunts during her grandmother's cancer struggles, it's evident that the scars left behind were not just from his absence but also from his occasional malicious presence.
OP's birthdays became a consistent reminder of this neglect, as she spent the whole day waiting for a phone call or even a simple text to acknowledge her existence.
Although she was able to see him during her school holidays, their meetings were overshadowed by his hyper-critical, mean, and dismissive words. "All he did was pay child support—then blame me personally for his relative poverty every time I saw him," OP explained.
While she tried to maintain a relationship with the man who was supposed to be her role model, the hurtful pattern only continued. This compelled her to finally distance herself and redefine her self-worth without his influence.
Interestingly, her father portrayed a different image to the world and even to his other family. He showcased himself as a "do-gooder" while neglecting and emotionally abusing his kin.
Now, OP's father is on the brink of death, and while his second family has been grieving, she feels nothing but relief.
Scroll down to find out the full details of the story.
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comA bit of backstory
Reddit.comOP’s father’s absence in her life affected her emotionally, but she admits that she is learning to be a better person
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Understanding the Complexity of Grief
Dr. Emily Parker, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, describes how grief is often misrepresented as a uniform experience. In reality, individuals may navigate a spectrum of emotions, including relief, guilt, or even anger, particularly if the relationship with the dying person was fraught with tension.
This highlights the need for a nuanced understanding of grief that acknowledges the multifaceted nature of human emotions. Research indicates that people may feel conflicting emotions simultaneously, and each person's grief journey is unique, shaped by their personal history and relationship dynamics.
OP's father is dying, and while his present family is grieving, she doesn’t feel a thing
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Here’s how the Reddit community reacted to this story:
“No, you don't owe it to anyone to force (or fake) an emotional reaction that you don't have.”
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OP should probably take a look at the book suggested by this Redditor
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The concept of disenfranchised grief, as explored in psychological literature, helps explain why some may feel isolated in their emotions during such times. This type of grief can occur when societal norms dictate what feelings are acceptable, often leading individuals to suppress or hide their true emotions.
Studies suggest that acknowledging and validating all feelings during the grieving process is crucial for mental health, allowing individuals to process their experiences fully and integrate them into their lives.
“You will likely go through waves of emotion. Eventually, you might feel grief, for his death or just for what could have been.”
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“Taboo? Maybe to some. But to younger generations? Not typically.”
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“We tend to grieve during a slow death and may have nothing left now or at the end.”
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Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Resilience
Research from the American Psychological Association emphasizes the importance of developing healthy coping mechanisms during grief. Techniques such as journaling, meditation, or talking with a trusted friend can help individuals navigate complex feelings and foster emotional resilience.
Additionally, therapy can provide a supportive environment for individuals to explore their emotions without judgment and develop strategies to cope with their grief healthily.
“If they treated you like crap, you are not obligated to love them or feel sad when they die.”
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“You are 100% valid to feel however you feel, and don't let anyone or anything make you feel bad about it.”
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“Nothing is right or wrong in terms of how you process and heal.”
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Furthermore, understanding one's emotional responses can help reduce feelings of guilt that often accompany non-traditional grief reactions. Acknowledging that it is okay to feel relief or anger can facilitate healing and foster self-compassion.
Psychologists encourage individuals to embrace their unique grief narratives rather than conforming to societal expectations, which can lead to a more authentic healing process.
“OP, you may not feel grief now but later. Complicated grief is very weird.”
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The Reddit community has reiterated that despite what society may think, OP is not obligated to love an abusive parent or grieve when they die.
Regardless, many commenters who have been in similar positions have told OP to prepare for some complicated emotions. There’s every possibility that all the emotions might come rushing shortly after her father dies. It could be a week, a month, etc., but it surely will come.
We’d love to get your thoughts on this story. Join the conversation in the comments.
The Role of Social Support
Social support is vital during times of grief, as indicated by numerous studies on bereavement. Having a strong support network can buffer against the adverse effects of grief and promote healthier coping strategies.
Engaging with community resources, such as support groups or counseling services, can provide validation and understanding that many individuals need to process their feelings effectively.
Psychological Analysis
It's important to understand that everyone's experience of grief is personal and can be influenced by many factors, including past relationships and individual emotional resilience. Often, individuals may feel societal pressure to grieve in a certain way, which can complicate their emotions and lead to confusion or shame.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Mental health professionals recognize the diverse range of emotional responses individuals may experience when facing death. Research consistently shows that these reactions are not only valid but often reflective of deeper relational dynamics.
Creating safe spaces for individuals to express their emotions can lead to healthier grieving processes and ultimately foster emotional growth.
