Man Refuses To Give Back Gift His Ex Gave Him Several Years Ago, Terms It Tacky And Strange Request

As the recipient of a gift, you are free to do with it as you see fit. You shouldn't feel terrible if you decide to return something simply because it's not exactly what you'd like.

Presents are wonderful to receive, but you aren't depriving someone of their lovely gesture if you choose to ignore the tangible gift. There's no need to beat yourself up for changing it out, as long as you're not acting extremely impolitely toward the other individual.

Because you are human, returning a gift does not imply that you are undervaluing the thoughtfulness and actions of the giver. But what happens when the giver wants the gift returned and the recipient refuses?

The OP was dating a girl in college who went to Thailand and got him a handmade machete as a gift. The OP has kept it over the years.

They broke up over seven years ago, and she blocked the OP on every form of social media and other means of communication. One day, someone messaged the OP on Facebook, saying that his ex-girlfriend wanted the machete back.

The OP was quite taken aback by the request and asked why she didn't reach out to him directly. He also pointed out how strange it was to make that kind of request after so many years. 

The story's title

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OP's ex went to Thailand and got him a handmade machete as a gift

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Understanding Attachment and Possession

The idea of possession in relationships often reflects deeper attachment styles. Dr. Michael Tran, a relational psychologist at Emory University, explains that our perceptions of gifts can be influenced by our attachment history.

Research shows that individuals with anxious attachment styles may feel more possessive over gifts, viewing them as extensions of their relationship rather than mere objects.

She acted like the OP was an AH for insinuating that the request was tacky and strange

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Below are some of the most upvoted comments from other Redditors for you to read through

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

Friends' opinions are primarily NTA, but there are some outliers who think I'm being petty about it since the machete isn't overly sentimental or important to me.

The OP's not obligated to give the gift back

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It's strange that she's sending a third party

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This situation highlights how personal values around gifts can lead to misunderstandings. According to studies in the Journal of Social Psychology, perceptions of gifts can vary significantly based on individual beliefs about ownership and generosity.

When these beliefs clash, they can create conflict, as seen in the current situation.

Posting a petty picture

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I don't keep junk around

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The OP left this somewhere in the comments

Based on the conversation, it seemed to me that my ex had enlisted this "friend" to reach out to me, likely because she has me blocked on everything she could use to contact me and/or she realizes it's a bizarre and embarrassing thing to request and decided to push that embarrassment onto someone else.

The OP shouldn't waste his time

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She needs to reach out directly

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The Psychology of Rejection

The fear of rejection plays a significant role in how individuals handle requests related to gifts. Research indicates that individuals often experience heightened emotional responses when asked to return gifts, especially if they perceive it as a rejection of their relationship.

This emotional response can lead to defensive reactions, further escalating the conflict.

That is a weird request

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Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complexities of attachment in relationships, particularly regarding gifts and possessions. It's essential for individuals to communicate their feelings and perspectives openly to foster understanding and resolve conflicts.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Conflicts over gifts often reflect deeper issues related to attachment and possession. Understanding the psychological factors at play can help individuals navigate these situations more effectively. As noted by Dr. William Doherty, family therapist, “Gifts can symbolize emotional connections, and disputes over them may reveal unresolved feelings.” Additionally, Dr. John Gray, relationship author, emphasizes that “fostering open communication and establishing clear boundaries can enhance relational satisfaction.”

The OP is guessing that neither his ex nor her friend has his phone number, and he's quite pleased about that. This means that they had to resort to the next form of contact they could think of, which was to find him on Facebook and message him.

The OP also thought it was really strange to use Facebook Messenger to reach out. Redditors made their verdict, and the OP was declared not the AH.

To navigate these feelings, it's important to approach the situation with empathy. Engaging in open dialogue about feelings surrounding the gift can help clarify intentions and reduce misunderstandings.

Utilizing “I” statements can facilitate a more constructive conversation, allowing both parties to express their feelings without assigning blame.

Building Healthy Boundaries

Establishing healthy boundaries around possessions and gifts is crucial for maintaining relational harmony. Research in the Journal of Family Psychology highlights that couples who communicate openly about their expectations around gifts report higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships.

Creating a shared understanding of what gifts symbolize can help partners navigate these emotional complexities.

Ultimately, fostering an environment of open communication and mutual respect around gifts and possessions can strengthen relational bonds. Couples should consider discussing their values regarding gifts, allowing for a clearer understanding of each other's perspectives.

By prioritizing empathy and understanding, individuals can navigate conflicts related to possessions more effectively.