Boss Tells Young Woman She Should Smile More In Meetings, So She Puts On A Ridiculous Fake Smile, Starting An Office Joke

A Redditor going by the name u/tiancrow posted a question: "AITA for giving a very silly, ugly smile in meetings after my boss said I should smile more?" She also shared her story, which depicts one of the problems women in business have to deal with.

It may not seem like a significant issue, but it is. Her boss told her she should smile more.

That doesn’t sound too bad, right? But it kind of is.

By telling a young female professional, who likely has an excellent track record and years of experience, that she should smile more in client meetings, you are practically reducing her to a sort of hostess. It’s akin to saying, "Your job is to look pretty, hun."

We have to be honest and say that men probably don’t see it as a sexist thing. They simply feel that women are much prettier when smiling.

But they don’t understand that women are not there to be pretty for them. Maybe it has to do with mommy issues.

Everyone knows that dads are there for fun, while moms mean business. We’ve learned in our childhood that when we see our moms with serious faces, it means we might be in trouble.

And it kind of sticks with you. When interacting with a woman who has an extremely serious expression, men often become uncomfortable because it brings back childhood memories.

Take a look at this story; maybe we can figure out the reason together. Let's begin:

OP asks:

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She works in a tech consulting company and often has meetings with clients. Her boss told her she should smile more.

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But he didn't ask any of her male coworkers to do that.

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The comment that a young woman should 'smile more' in meetings touches on a larger issue of gendered communication in the workplace. Research indicates that women often face expectations to maintain a friendly demeanor, which can lead to the phenomenon known as the 'smile syndrome'—a social pressure particularly prevalent in professional settings. A study published in the Journal of Social Issues reveals that women are frequently judged not only by the quality of their work but also by their emotional expressions, with smiling being associated with warmth and agreeableness. This expectation can create an internal conflict for women as they navigate the balance between professionalism and societal norms.

Concluding Insights on Emotional Expression

The implications of the discussion around smiling and professional demeanor highlight a broader societal issue regarding emotional labor and gender expectations. As workplace environments evolve, it's essential for both men and women to challenge these stereotypes and create spaces where all employees can express their authentic selves without the pressure of conforming to societal expectations. Effective communication and collaboration can flourish when individuals feel valued for their contributions rather than their compliance with outdated norms.

Ultimately, fostering an environment that appreciates diversity in emotional expression not only enhances workplace morale but also drives innovative thinking and productivity. Mental health professionals advocate for open dialogues regarding emotional well-being, encouraging individuals to share their experiences and perspectives to cultivate a more empathetic and understanding workplace culture.

One of them sent her a funny smile pic

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OP found it funny and decided to use it.

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Her boss asked her what's the thing with the weird smile, but her coworkers backed her up

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The Role of Gender in Workplace Dynamics

Gender dynamics in the workplace often position women in a difficult spot where they must balance assertiveness with approachability. As noted by Dr. Shawn Achor, a positive psychology researcher, "Women often face a double bind where being assertive can lead to perceptions of aggression, while conforming to traditional feminine traits may undermine their authority." This dilemma can contribute to heightened stress and anxiety, as women feel compelled to navigate conflicting expectations. To mitigate these pressures, organizations should foster a culture that embraces diverse communication styles, enabling all employees to express themselves authentically without fear of judgment.

They showed pics of OP smiling and confirmed that it is her actual smile

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OP clarified that she has a "normal" spontaneous smile, but her fake smile really looks that weird.

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At the next meeting, her boss told her that there is no need for her to smile during meetings

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The reaction of putting on a 'ridiculous fake smile' as a form of protest demonstrates a coping mechanism rooted in humor and irony. According to Dr. Stephen Colbert's research on humor as a psychological strategy, using humor can serve as a defense mechanism that helps individuals cope with uncomfortable situations. This is particularly relevant to workplace dynamics where power imbalances exist, as humor can provide a sense of agency and control in an otherwise challenging environment. By reframing the expectation of smiling into a humorous act, the young woman not only asserts her individuality but also fosters camaraderie among colleagues, highlighting the importance of social support in mitigating workplace stress.

Her smile became an office joke she now enjoys. But she wonders if she should have told her boss the truth straight away

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Her office sounds nice.

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Young women often receive that kind of remark.

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Strategies for Navigating Gendered Expectations

To address the gendered expectations surrounding emotional expressions in the workplace, it’s crucial for individuals and organizations to implement strategies that promote emotional authenticity. One effective approach is the practice of emotional intelligence, which involves recognizing and managing one’s emotions while also understanding the emotional cues of others. Dr. Daniel Goleman, a leading expert on emotional intelligence, emphasizes the value of this skill set in navigating complex interpersonal dynamics, particularly in professional settings.

Furthermore, training sessions focused on emotional literacy can empower both men and women to communicate more effectively and empathetically, reducing the pressure to conform to outdated gender norms. Organizations could also benefit from implementing policies that encourage open discussions about emotional well-being and provide resources for employees to express their feelings without fear of repercussion.

And not only at work

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But it gets better with time. Why? Take a look:

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Once you reach a certain age, a smile is not needed, we guess...

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The phenomenon of unsolicited advice—such as being told to smile more—can often stem from deep-seated gender biases. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, states, "Comments about women's demeanor often reflect outdated stereotypes that suggest they should be more accommodating and pleasant, which can lead to frustration and resentment." This sentiment is echoed by Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, an emotion researcher, who notes that "such interactions can undermine women's confidence and job satisfaction." Organizations should strive to foster an inclusive culture that encourages feedback to be shared in a constructive manner, emphasizing skill development over conforming to outdated social norms. For more insights, visit Dr. Ramani's website and Dr. Barrett's website.

Ah, the good times

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Why do men do this? Maybe the explanation lies in the fact that men associate women with gentleness (mommy issues again?), and seeing a female with a serious expression simply derails them.

Well, whatever the reason may be, men should definitely learn to deal with it and not make everyone around them uncomfortable just because they feel uncomfortable around women who are not smiling.

Psychological Analysis

The situation described highlights the pervasive issue of gendered expectations in the workplace. When the boss suggested that the young woman should smile more, it not only diminished her professional capabilities but also reinforced stereotypes about women's roles as caregivers. Her choice to respond with a ridiculous fake smile illustrates a clever use of humor as a coping mechanism, allowing her to reclaim agency in an uncomfortable scenario while fostering camaraderie with colleagues.

Analysis generated by AI

Solutions & Coping Strategies

In summary, the dynamics surrounding gender expectations in the workplace highlight the need for a cultural shift towards emotional authenticity and inclusivity. Acknowledging the impact of unsolicited advice and the pressure to conform can open avenues for meaningful dialogue and change within organizations. By prioritizing emotional intelligence and fostering a supportive environment, workplaces can empower employees to thrive as their true selves, ultimately benefiting both individual well-being and organizational success.

As we navigate these complex social interactions, it’s crucial to remember the importance of empathy and understanding in creating a workplace that values each person's unique contribution, free from the constraints of outdated gender norms.