Man Seeks Advice As He Doesn't Want Roommate's Depressed “Girlfriend” To Stay In Their House

Taking care of someone else's needs can be beneficial, but it can also lead to problems if not handled correctly. Sometimes, you have to avoid doing too much for others, as it may encourage them to become overly reliant on you.

This can result in an unjust situation in which one person is making all of the efforts while the other is doing nothing to better themselves. Most of the time, you just have to strike a balance between assisting someone and allowing them to care for themselves.

This way, everyone is treated equitably, and future issues can be avoided. The OP of today's story is facing a difficult issue as his roommate, Justin, has spent a lot of time with a woman named Stacy.

At first, it appeared to be a casual friendship, but things have changed. Justin and Stacy have known each other for 3-4 years and have hooked up in the past, but it hasn’t become consistent until now.

The OP has no problem with that, as he's happy to see his roommate finding a companion. However, Stacy has been staying over more and more, and the OP has discovered that she suffers from depression.

Justin has taken on all of her responsibilities, and the OP is concerned that once Stacy's lease expires, she may move in with them permanently. The OP is essentially divided between suppressing his feelings and setting boundaries. 

The OP kicks off his story

Reddit/DubC718

This is where OP's frustration and confusion stem from

Reddit/DubC718

Understanding Anxiety in Relationships

Dr. Rachel Green, a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School, explains that anxiety disorders can significantly impact interpersonal relationships.

When one partner has anxiety, it can create tension in shared living situations, especially if their behaviors are perceived as burdensome.

This can lead to frustration among roommates who may feel overwhelmed by the demands of supporting someone with anxiety.

She can’t sleep alone, so OP's roommate spends every night with her

Reddit/DubC718

OP's roommate has proven to her that he will do anything for her

Reddit/DubC718

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I told my roommate Justin that Stacy can’t stay with us anymore, even though she’s going through a tough time.

And the comments from other Redditors roll in...

Reddit/DubC718

The OP needs to make it clear

Reddit/DubC718

Research in the Journal of Clinical Psychology shows that anxious individuals often exhibit avoidance behaviors, which can further strain relationships.

For instance, the man’s reluctance to accommodate his roommate’s girlfriend may stem from a desire to limit the emotional stress associated with her anxiety.

Understanding these dynamics is crucial for fostering compassion and patience in these situations.

Guests need to leave when their host leaves

Reddit/DubC718

OP's roommate seems to be in a bind

Reddit/DubC718

The OP left this in the comments section

Okay, to follow up here, the past few days have looked a little iffy as far as “staying here less.” She is currently sleeping in his bed and has not come out since. It’s 11:30 AM EST… I have taken calls and scheduled half of my week while my girlfriend has taken multiple meetings… All the while, sleeping beauty lies asleep.

The OP should find his own place

Reddit/DubC718

There's really nothing wrong with expressing oneself

Reddit/DubC718

Strategies for Supporting Roommates with Anxiety

To navigate these challenges, it's important to establish open lines of communication about needs and boundaries.

Encouraging roommates to express their feelings and concerns can create a more supportive environment.

Additionally, participating in activities that promote relaxation and connection—like mindfulness or group outings—can help ease tensions and build camaraderie.

OP's conversation with his girlfriend

Reddit/DubC718

Justin needs to find a permanent solution for Stacy

Reddit/DubC718

Professional guidance, such as therapy, can also provide valuable tools for managing anxiety in shared living situations.

Therapists might advise individuals on how to communicate their needs effectively or manage their anxiety in a way that minimizes disruption to others.

Ultimately, fostering understanding and collaboration can lead to healthier and more supportive living environments.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the delicate balance required when living with someone who struggles with anxiety.

It's vital for all parties to engage in honest discussions about their feelings and boundaries to ensure mutual respect and understanding.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

This scenario underscores the complexities of supporting individuals with anxiety in shared living arrangements.

Open communication and empathy are essential for creating an atmosphere of understanding and support.

By addressing these challenges constructively, roommates can cultivate healthier relationships.

OP is at a crossroads, wondering where to go, as he wants to tell Justin that Stacy won't be staying with him as much, but Justin's sense of responsibility for her may lead to her moving in permanently. OP is concerned about the consequences for their living circumstances and their personal relationship.

The situation is complicated, with Stacy's problems and Justin's caregiving forming a web of reliance. Redditors declared the OP not the AH, and that's a wrap.