23-Year-Old Says Her Roommate Is Condescending for Reminding Her to Say Please Whenever She Asks for Small Favors

It started with something so small it should have been forgettable, a roommate asking for a “please” whenever she wanted a favor. But for OP, the reminder landed like a slap, especially because she says she helps without keeping score, and she’s not against politeness in general.

OP shares a living space with Jessica, and the tension popped up over tiny requests, like asking for help with everyday stuff. Jessica would remind her to say “please,” and OP felt talked down to, like she was being treated as a child for manners. The situation got even messier when OP realized Jessica was not just being polite, she was enforcing something more, a power play that made OP feel belittled.

By the end, it’s not really about the word “please,” it’s about who gets to control the tone in a shared home.

OP said she doesn't need people to say please for her to help them.

u/notagoldengirl

OP said that she wouldn't demand a "please" from Jessica if she asked for her help.

u/notagoldengirl

She felt like a child when Jessica reminded her of her manners.

u/notagoldengirl

Effective communication is foundational in any relationship.

OP insists she is “more than willing” to say please and thank you when it fits, but Jessica keeps turning small favors into manners lessons.

Communication styles can vary significantly between individuals, influenced by cultural backgrounds and personal experiences.

OP said she is more than willing to say please and thank you when the situation calls for it.

u/notagoldengirl

She didn't think they were necessary when she communicated with her friend.

u/notagoldengirl

A commenter asked OP if she believed that saying please was reserved for formal and important requests.

toxicredox

Many individuals resist reminders about basic manners, believing they are unnecessary when asking for small favors. However, studies show that politeness can enhance relational harmony and mutual respect. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicates that using polite language can lead to more successful interpersonal exchanges.

As such, framing requests with politeness—such as saying 'please'—can not only improve the likelihood of receiving help but also strengthen the bonds between individuals.

The friction between the two roommates highlights a deeper issue regarding communication and expectations in shared living situations.

OP confirmed that she did and assumed that everyone operated under a similar perspective.

notagoldengirl

OP found someone with a similar mindset. The commenter asked if Jessica was enforcing an odd power play by demanding that OP say please.

Parasamgate

OP agreed that it was a power play on Jessica's part.

notagoldengirl

That’s when OP’s “I wouldn’t demand it from Jessica” logic collides with Jessica’s constant reminder that small requests still need formal language.

This is similar to the roommate who refused to clean, so OP withheld rent.

Emotional responses often stem from underlying insecurities or past experiences. In this case, the roommate's insistence on saying 'please' may trigger feelings of inadequacy for the 23-year-old.

Research shows that when individuals experience feelings of being belittled, it can lead to defensive reactions and conflict. Recognizing these triggers can help both parties approach the situation with empathy and understanding.

Strategies for Healthy Communication

To foster healthier communication, individuals can adopt a few strategies.

If doing things for friends wasn't a big deal, why can't OP say please to Jessica as a favor whenever she makes a request?

Melodyp0nd7700900461

A majority of the commenters were confused why politeness doesn't come so easily to OP.

ClemClamcumber

It boils down to OP's unfair expectations of others.

sapindales

The comment section zeroes in on whether Jessica is reserving “please” for important asks, or using it as a sneaky way to put OP in her place.

To improve communication, both individuals can benefit from discussing their feelings openly. Acknowledging the importance of politeness while expressing discomfort with perceived condescension can lead to a more supportive living environment.

It’s important to recognize and respect each other's communication preferences.

Encouraging open discussions about expectations can help roommates align their communication styles, fostering a more supportive living environment.

Please and thank you aren't reserved for "big" favors that inconvenience others.

litfan35

Jessica is probably just tired of doing simple tasks that OP said she could do herself.

fIumpf

OP should really stop asking Jessica to do such simple tasks if she can't be bothered to say please.

jrm1102, Ok-Manufacturer-5746

OP confirms it’s a power move, and now the whole roommate dynamic feels less like communication and more like a daily test.

Building Healthy Relationships

Establishing mutual respect in any relationship is key to its longevity.

Politeness in communication serves as a social lubricant that can strengthen relationships. When people perceive requests as polite, they are more likely to respond positively.

In this context, using 'please' in small requests can create an atmosphere of respect, leading to better cooperation and mutual understanding.

OP was voted the a**hole by a majority of the Redditors. She didn't share any updates on whether she and Jessica are still roommates.

OP replied to many comments to explain her side of the story. If she had no issue using all those words to defend herself, why can't she just say please whenever she wants her friend to do something for her?

The recent conflict between the two roommates highlights the challenges of aligning expectations in shared living situations.

The conflict between the two roommates underscores the importance of aligning expectations in shared living situations.

Nobody wants to live in an apartment where “please” feels like a leash.

Want to see kindness get tested too, read about OP demanding a friend repay a rent loan while she struggles financially.