Roommate totals my car and doesnt apologize: AITA for refusing to lend my car again?

It started with a simple loan, and it ended with OP staring at a totaled car and a roommate who treated it like background noise. Alex asked to borrow the vehicle for a quick errand, and OP reluctantly said yes, because roommates are supposed to help each other out when it matters.

Then the fender bender happened. No one was hurt, which should have been the end of the story, except Alex “totaled” OP’s car and followed it up with the laziest apology imaginable: “Sorry, things happen.” Now OP’s stuck without transportation for work while Alex wants the keys again, like nothing happened and trust is just a renewable resource.

This is the kind of roommate situation where one favor turns into a loyalty test.

Original Post

So I'm (28M) sharing an apartment with my roommate Alex (26M). Last week, Alex asked to borrow my car for a quick errand since his was in the shop.

Reluctantly, I agreed. However, he ended up getting into a fender bender, totaling my car.

Luckily, no one was injured. The frustrating part is that Alex never formally apologized for the accident.

He just said, 'Sorry, things happen.' I was shocked by his lack of accountability and common courtesy. I rely on my car for work, and now I'm left without transportation.

The insurance will cover the damages, but I'll still be without a vehicle for a while. Alex now wants to borrow my car again since his is still being repaired.

I feel hesitant and disrespected. I understand accidents happen, but his nonchalant attitude bothers me.

AITA if I refuse to let him borrow my car this time? For background, we've been roommates for two years, and this is the first major issue we've had.

However, I can't shake off the feeling of being taken advantage of.

The Real Issue Here

What really strikes a chord in this story is not just the accident but the lack of accountability from Alex. OP lent his car out of goodwill, and the fact that Alex totaled it without any sign of remorse speaks volumes about their relationship. This isn’t just about a car; it’s about trust and respect. When someone borrows your belongings, there’s an implied understanding that they’ll take care of them, and that includes owning up to mistakes.

This dynamic puts OP in a tough position. He’s not just protecting his property—he’s also navigating a friendship that could easily sour. Readers resonate with this scenario because it highlights the complexities of roommate relationships where financial and emotional investments collide. It makes you wonder, how far should one go to maintain a friendship when the other party clearly doesn’t value it?

OP agreed to lend his car to Alex for a quick errand, and that tiny yes set off the whole chain reaction.

Comment from u/SleepyButCoffee

NTA, he should've shown more responsibility and at least offered to cover your transportation costs

Comment from u/RandomRambling23

You give him an inch, he takes a mile. NTA for wanting some basic respect and consideration

Comment from u/TheGreatDebate

YTA. Accidents are stressful. He may not have apologized formally, but cutting him off completely seems extreme

Comment from u/Cheese_Fries_Fanatic

NTA. It's your property, your rules. He should understand where you're coming from

After the fender bender, Alex didn’t even bother with a real apology, just “Sorry, things happen,” which is brutal when OP needs the car for work.

Comment from u/BubbleGumDreamer

You're not a rental service. NTA for setting boundaries. He needs to learn accountability

That “I need help, but you crossed a line” tension feels similar to the friend facing eviction that someone refused to financially bail out.

Comment from u/TacoTuesdayForever

It's your car, your call. If you're uncomfortable lending it again, that's valid. NTA

Comment from u/SunnySideUp

NTA. Safety and respect go both ways. He should've been more careful and considerate

Now that insurance will cover the damage but OP is still stuck waiting, Alex wants to borrow the car again like the totaled one didn’t matter.

Comment from u/MoonlightSonata

NTA. Actions have consequences. He needs to understand the impact of his actions

Comment from u/CatLady247

I get accidents happen, but his attitude is concerning. NTA for wanting to protect your property

Comment from u/AdventureAwaits

Sounds like he's taking advantage of your generosity. NTA for standing up for yourself

With two years of roommate history on the line and the first major mess being Alex’s accident, OP’s hesitation feels less petty and more protective.

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

Why This Request Crossed a Line

Alex’s request to borrow the car again after totaling it is a fascinating point of contention. It raises questions about entitlement and responsibility. It’s one thing for a friend to ask for help during tough times, but it’s another to assume that friendship means overlooking significant breaches of trust. The idea that Alex feels comfortable asking for a favor after showing no remorse is baffling.

This situation is relatable for many, as it mirrors real-life dilemmas where people grapple with the balance between kindness and self-preservation. The Reddit community's divided opinions reflect this struggle. Some argue that OP should forgive and lend the car again, while others staunchly support his decision to protect himself. It’s a classic case of weighing loyalty against self-respect, making it a hot topic for anyone who's navigated similar waters.

The Bottom Line

This story highlights the delicate balance between friendship and personal boundaries. OP's decision to refuse lending his car again isn't just about material loss; it's about asserting value in a relationship that feels one-sided. It makes you think—how do you handle a situation where someone takes advantage of your kindness? Have you ever faced a similar dilemma with friends or roommates, and how did you navigate it?

In this situation, OP's reluctance to lend his car again after Alex totaled it is rooted in a profound sense of disrespect and lack of accountability from his roommate. Alex's casual comment, "Sorry, things happen," not only brushes off the seriousness of the accident but also suggests a troubling disregard for the trust OP placed in him. This dynamic underscores a common tension in roommate relationships, where the boundaries of kindness can easily be crossed, leaving one party feeling taken advantage of. Ultimately, OP's decision reflects the necessity of asserting personal boundaries when faced with a situation where friendship feels one-sided.

He might be happier in a different apartment.

For another “borrowed it then couldn’t repay on time” blowup, see the friend who got mad after unexpected expenses derailed repayment.