30 Self-Portraits Artist Has Made While Under The Influence Of Different Drugs, And They Perfectly Show How They’ve Affected His Perspective
Some of the drugs were legal; others were not. Sadly, he has suffered brain damage.
Some artists keep a sketchbook. Bryan Lewis Saunders turned his own face into a long-running experiment.
In 1995, he committed to making a self-portrait every day for the rest of his life, and by the time his project had stretched into thousands of drawings, he pushed it further with a series called Under The Influence. The portraits were made while he was taking different drugs, and the results range from unsettling to strangely revealing.
Here are some of the most memorable self-portraits from the series, along with the story behind how they came to be. Read on.
1. Opium
bryanlewissaunders2. 3mg Klonopin
bryanlewissaunders3. Celexa (Dosage Unknown)
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4. 1/2 Gram Cocaine
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5. 1 Shot Of Dilaudid / 3 Shots Of Morphine (In The ER With Kidney Stones)
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6. Alcohol
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7. Marijuana (G13)
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8. Bath Salts
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9. Heroin (Snorted)
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10. 15mg Buspar (Snorted)
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11. Psilocybin Mushrooms (2 Caps Onset)
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12. 90mg Abilify (After 3 Months Usage 3x Maximum Dose)
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13. 4mg Dilaudid
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14. Morphine IV (Dosage Unknown)
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"The drug series started in 2000 when I moved into an 11-story building with the intention of making a documentary on all of the interesting folks who lived there," Saunders explains."
However, a particularly trying era in the artist's life forced the series to be postponed when he moved in. One of his close friends perished in a fire, another attempted suicide but suffered brain damage and chronic confusion, and Saunders' lung collapsed while he was still in the hospital.
Also, this echoes the AITA debate over skipping the brother’s intervention for mental health.
15. Khat (Chew And Tea)
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16. Huffing Lighter Fluid
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17. Marijuana Resin
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18. 10mg Ambien
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19. Nitrous Oxide
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20. Ativan / Haloperidol (Dosage Unknown In Hospital)
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21. 20mg Valium
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22. LSD
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23. 1 "Bump" Of Crystalmeth
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When Saunders returned from a hiking expedition, he accidentally became dehydrated, began hallucinating, and had a mental break during which he abandoned his companion at a monastery, believing he was attempting to poison him.
"I returned to Tennessee on the Greyhound, where I had an epiphany. I decided that not only would I sketch myself every day, but I would also try a new substance every day.After all, in the structure, there was one of everything... That's when I officially began working on the project."
Saunders' need to experience as many various things as possible was fueled by a combination of gloomy despair and simple access.
24. Huffing Gas (During And After)
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25. 2 Bottles Of Cough Syrup
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26. Carbon Monoxide Inhalation
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27. DMT (During And After)
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28. 1 sm Glass Of Absinth
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29. PCP
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30. Abilify / Xanax / Ativan (Dosage Unknown In Hospital)
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He described the photographs as "excruciatingly upsetting and morbidly horrifying" when they initially went viral in January 2011. After that, Saunders received a lot of hate mail.
"Either they wanted the pleasure of putting me down like an animal, or they wanted to commit suicide themselves. Sleazy businesses also emerged from the woodwork," he says. "It's been so much kinder and friendlier this time."
A strange project, and an even stranger reaction.
Want another jolt of addiction recovery, read how Billy Idol used crack to beat heroin.