Setting Boundaries: AITA for Addressing Behavior Rules in My Home?

OP struggles with brother's girlfriend's ill-behaved child, setting boundaries for holiday gathering to protect home from potential destruction.

Damjan

Published in Interesting
24 Dec 2025

Setting Boundaries: AITA for Addressing Behavior Rules in My Home?

In a world where family gatherings can often be a mixed bag of joy and chaos, one Reddit user finds themselves at a crossroads of family dynamics and personal boundaries. The original poster (OP) recently had a conversation with their brother regarding his girlfriend and her child, who has reportedly exhibited significant behavioral issues during previous family gatherings.

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With the holidays approaching, OP is understandably anxious about hosting an event that may be disrupted by a child whose past and circumstances may have contributed to their challenging behavior. OP's concerns aren't solely about the child’s behavior; they also reflect a desire to protect their home and ensure a pleasant environment for all guests.

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The OP emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, stating that while they empathize with the child's struggles, they feel it’s their responsibility to maintain peace during the holidays. This situation raises several questions: How do we navigate family obligations while also standing firm on our personal limits?

Is it fair to expect a caregiver to manage a child's behavior in unfamiliar settings? As OP seeks validation of their perspective, the community is invited to weigh in on the delicate balance between compassion and self-protection.

What do you think? Are they justified in their expectations, or could a more understanding approach be warranted?

Join the discussion and share your thoughts!

Original Post

So my brother is dating a lady who is raising her best friend’s brother’s ex girlfriend’s kid she had while he was locked up. No, she is not an official foster parent as far as I know.

As far as why is she raising the kid, I do not know. So on to my story.

Brother, new girlfriend and said kid were at our mom’s for a holiday. According to our mom, this kid was very ill behaved, tormented their dog, dragged out dog toys all over the house, refused to sit and eat, rather eating with her hands while she roamed the house.

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Kid is 8 and apparently the birth parents were users, so kid has “issues”. Dog got so upset that it threw up, no attempt to correct said child was done, it was a disaster.

I was not present for that. Mom told me about it.

Christmas is coming. Typically we get together at my house, so I’m getting a plan together so I can prepare food.

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I asked brother if his girlfriend was coming with him. He said maybe.

I asked about the kid, he said maybe. So I said “just so we are clear, I will not tolerate the behaviour I heard about from mom, at my house” he asked what had I heard, and I told him.

He said well the kid has issues. I said I didn’t care, that i will not have my house destroyed by a feral child, and if she will not correct this kid, that I am not afraid to.

My teenager is a musician, and has several expensive guitars, basses and drums, that we do not want torn up. My house also is not very large, so it would be hard to put these things away.

Added to the fact that the rest of my family and friends deserve a peaceful holiday, and I do not have time to clean up after an ill behaved kid. I told him I was not trying to be an ahole, but I needed to make myself crystal clear.

So far I do not have an answer as to if girlfriend and kid plan to come. I felt the need to say something as mom had no warning that the child was coming to her house, only knew that brother and his girlfriend were coming, and then this episode occurred.

I get that the kid may have issues, and for that I am sorry to hear. However, until the kid can behave herself, I feel like she and the “mom” may have to sit out events, as that is a sacrifice you make when you agree to parent a child.

For context, I raised 2 kids alone, and if we were somewhere I expected them to behave and be respectful, and if they got out of line, we left.