Setting Boundaries: AITA for Addressing Behavior Rules in My Home?

A 28-year-old woman refused to let her brother’s girlfriend bring an 8-year-old “with issues” into her house for Christmas, and honestly, it sounds like the whole family is still recovering from the last time the kid showed up. The problem is not that the kid exists, it’s that the visit turned into chaos, fast, and nobody had a plan.

Here’s the messy setup: the brother is dating a woman raising a kid connected to her best friend’s brother’s ex, who she is not officially fostering. She and the kid may or may not come to the holiday, but the family already knows what happened at their mom’s last time. The dog got so upset it threw up, and there was no real attempt to correct the behavior, so the OP is trying to protect her small home and her teenager’s expensive instruments.

Now the OP is deciding whether “maybe” is enough warning, or if her boundary is going to start a family fight.

Original Post

So my brother is dating a lady who is raising her best friend’s brother’s ex girlfriend’s kid she had while he was locked up. No, she is not an official foster parent as far as I know.

As far as why is she raising the kid, I do not know. So on to my story.

Brother, new girlfriend and said kid were at our mom’s for a holiday.

Kid is 8 and apparently the birth parents were users, so kid has “issues”. Dog got so upset that it threw up, no attempt to correct said child was done, it was a disaster.

I was not present for that. Mom told me about it.

Christmas is coming. Typically we get together at my house, so I’m getting a plan together so I can prepare food.

I asked brother if his girlfriend was coming with him. He said maybe.

I asked about the kid, he said maybe.

He said well the kid has issues. I said I didn’t care, that i will not have my house destroyed by a feral child, and if she will not correct this kid, that I am not afraid to.

My teenager is a musician, and has several expensive guitars, basses and drums, that we do not want torn up. My house also is not very large, so it would be hard to put these things away.

Added to the fact that the rest of my family and friends deserve a peaceful holiday, and I do not have time to clean up after an ill behaved kid.

So far I do not have an answer as to if girlfriend and kid plan to come. I felt the need to say something as mom had no warning that the child was coming to her house, only knew that brother and his girlfriend were coming, and then this episode occurred.

I get that the kid may have issues, and for that I am sorry to hear. However, until the kid can behave herself, I feel like she and the “mom” may have to sit out events, as that is a sacrifice you make when you agree to parent a child.

For context, I raised 2 kids alone, and if we were somewhere I expected them to behave and be respectful, and if they got out of line, we left.

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This setup also echoes the estranged father inheritance fight, where the poster asks for a share to help their family.

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That dog throwing up at mom’s house is the moment everything went from “maybe the kid will be fine” to “absolutely not.”

When OP asked her brother if the girlfriend and kid were coming, his answers of “maybe” and “the kid has issues” landed like a warning label without instructions.

The real stakes hit when OP remembered her teenager’s guitars, basses, and drums, and how there is nowhere to safely stash them in a small house.

After OP said she would not have her home destroyed by a “feral child” and that the family should leave if the kid misbehaves, the holiday plans basically turned into a boundary showdown.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

The Christmas dinner did not end well, because OP is drawing a line and the family might not like where it lands.

For another “don’t touch my dog” showdown, see the friend who pressured her to give up the puppy she bonded with.