Setting Boundaries With MIL: Addressing Bathroom Use In Shared Living Space

Some people don’t recognize a favor, and this MIL definitely didn’t. A 26-year-old woman and her boyfriend moved into a duplex-style rental with his mom, and it started with a “you can have the basement as your space” agreement that sounded totally fair.

Except the basement bathroom was a shower only, and the MIL kept creeping into the main-level bathroom whenever they were gone. She left bath products behind, used up OP’s cleaners, kept using the toilet even when they were home, and stored her stuff in a space OP was the only one cleaning.

It all escalated right before a getaway, when the boyfriend got a call that turned a boundary issue into full-blown house chaos.

Original Post

For the last few months, my boyfriend (M25) and I (F26) have been renting a house with his mom (F49). The house is built like a duplex: there are two bedrooms and a bathroom with a tub on the main level, and a whole bachelor's apartment in the basement, with a bathroom that has a shower.

We share a laundry room, a kitchen, and a living room. The main level bathroom has two doors: one leading to our bedroom and one leading to the hallway.

Before we moved in, my MIL requested to have the basement as her space. We were happy with that arrangement and put a door in the basement so that her area would be private.

My boyfriend and I viewed the house alone, as she said she wanted no part in the process, but we showed her the photos of the unit so she could approve. My issue lies with her bathroom use when my boyfriend and I aren't home.

My MIL and I both have issues with boundaries: I have a hard time setting them, and she keeps asking for weirder things. Before this issue, she was using my car to get to work and not paying her fair share of the groceries.

My boyfriend is more prone to letting things go because she has a tendency to become defensive and blame her mental health on things. A while back, she asked if it would be okay to use our (the main level) bathtub while we were gone so she could use her bathroom products.

She said she would clean the bathtub afterward. I reluctantly agreed because she said it was unfair that she had no access to a bathtub (my mistake).

Since then, she's left her bath products in the bathroom, used up my cleaners to clean the tub, and keeps using the toilet even when we are home. Keep in mind, I'm the only one cleaning the bathroom, and a bunch of my personal stuff is in there.

I now lock the door to the hallway, so the only way in would be through our bedroom. She's slowed down on using the bathroom a lot because of this.

This all came to a head today. My boyfriend and I are going on a little getaway.

He receives a call from her asking where the tub stopper is. The problem is, the stopper is where all of my personal stuff is in the bathroom, so I lied and said I didn't know where it was.

I'm currently fuming because she used our room to get into the bathroom, and now she's probably going to go through my stuff. My boyfriend agrees that, while she has no sense of boundaries, this arrangement is only temporary and I shouldn't bother speaking up about it.

To be honest, I'm sick of having these discussions about things I feel are obvious, like not going into my room to do my laundry, never swinging open my door, or participating in cooking for all of us. WIBTA if I asked her not to use the upstairs bathroom anymore?

In the delicate dance of shared living spaces, particularly with family members, the need for personal boundaries cannot be overstated. The original poster's struggle with their mother-in-law's bathroom habits illustrates how easily comfort can give way to discomfort. When boundaries are crossed, as seen in this situation, it often leads to resentment and frustration, which can quickly sour familial relationships.

The article highlights the significance of personal space and privacy, reminding readers that articulating one’s needs is crucial. In this instance, the original poster’s predicament serves as a poignant example of how vital it is to address these issues directly before they escalate into larger conflicts.

Comment from u/SomeoneSomewhereish

Comment from u/OhmsWay-71

OP thought locking the hallway door would solve it, but his mom still found ways to treat the main bathroom like it was hers.

Engaging in open dialogues about expectations can help create a more harmonious living environment.

Moreover, utilizing 'I' statements can foster a non-confrontational approach to discussing sensitive topics.

Comment from u/Several_Yak_9537

Comment from u/The-Jelly-Fox

The whole thing really began when OP reluctantly agreed to share the bathtub “just this once,” and then the bathtub request turned into a routine.

This gets real similar to the Redditor weighing whether to ask her overbearing mom to move out for privacy.

Additionally, seeking compromise can enhance relationships in shared spaces.

Ultimately, prioritizing mutual respect and understanding is key to navigating shared living dynamics successfully.

Comment from u/Sadpepper2015

Comment from u/Ohmalley-thealliecat

Even after OP started keeping her personal stuff in the bathroom and doing all the cleaning, MIL kept leaving products and using OP’s cleaners anyway.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

Comment from u/SnooEpiphanies7864

Comment from u/camlabs10

Comment from u/sandcraftedserenity

Then, right when OP and her boyfriend planned a getaway, MIL called with the next move, and the boundary line finally snapped.</p>

The scenario presented highlights the need for the original poster to articulate their boundaries with their mother-in-law regarding bathroom use. By fostering an environment rooted in respect and understanding, the potential for conflict diminishes, paving the way for a more harmonious coexistence in the cozy duplex. This approach not only addresses immediate discomforts but also lays the groundwork for a supportive living atmosphere that benefits all parties involved.

Now OP is wondering if her MIL is going to keep “using the bathroom” or if she’s going to force them out of their own house first.

Want another boundary fight, read how she decided whether to ask struggling parents to share bills.