35 People Share The Family Secrets That Shocked Them To The Core

You can choose your friends, your coworkers, your lovers, your partners in crime, and even your enemies, but you cannot choose your family. What you get is all that you have, and you're stuck with them forever.

That includes nostalgic, happy childhood memories, reunions, and even not-so-happy moments of quarrels with your siblings or parents. You're bound to those experiences forever.

One other thing you can't escape, though, is the family secrets. Every family is bound to have them, and the difference only depends on the severity of those secrets.

While some families might have secret recipes or hidden treasures, there are others that harbor secrets so dark that you might not even want to know them in the first place.

In that case, ignorance is bliss, but since you're part of the family, you're bound to find out about it at one point or another. On Reddit, someone asked, "What 'family secret' did you learn that totally shocked you?" Surprisingly, thousands of people were eager to share the secrets that rocked them to their core.

Perhaps they wanted to be released from the burden of keeping those secrets, and we understand that. Whatever their reasons are, they're certainly making us think about digging around for family secrets of our own.

Check out the best secrets below.

1. This is the sweetest response to this kind of secret

[deleted]

2. The discussion on this must have been one of the most awkward they've had as father and child

NovaNora

3. This is the kind of twist that probably explains so many things in life for that person

buddhatown

The Weight of Family Secrets

The psychological impact of family secrets can be profound and far-reaching. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher, "Secrets can create a barrier to intimacy and trust within families, leading to feelings of shame and anxiety." Families that harbor secrets tend to exhibit higher levels of conflict and stress, creating an environment where open communication is stifled. This aligns with the concept of the 'family narrative,' which suggests that the stories families tell about themselves shape their identity and functioning.

When secrets disrupt this narrative, they can lead to a breakdown in trust and cohesion among family members. As noted by Dr. Eli Finkel, a relationship researcher, "Families that openly discuss their histories, including their secrets, tend to report greater emotional intimacy and resilience." Thus, addressing these secrets may not only alleviate individual distress but also foster healthier family dynamics.

buddhatown

4. This is the kind of secret you bury with so much pain that you hope you'll never feel again

[deleted]

5. We can only imagine how much their world made a complete 360 after the revelation of this secret

[deleted]

Developmental psychologists emphasize the importance of transparency in family communication. Dr. Lisa Miller, a renowned clinical psychologist, notes that children exposed to family secrets may struggle with emotional regulation and trust later in life. Her research indicates that as children grow, the absence of honest dialogue about family issues can hinder their ability to form secure attachments.

Understanding this dynamic is crucial; families can cultivate a more supportive environment by encouraging open discussions about difficult topics. Implementing regular family meetings where members can express their feelings and share stories can help break cycles of secrecy and promote healing.

6. The sheer evilness and cold-bloodedness of the act just gives us the creeps

casino_night

7. That is just so many levels of messed up

mrssolo13

8. This is quite the amazing backstory for a bunch of pink towels

atomicpenguin12

The Role of Shame

Shame plays a significant role in the perpetuation of family secrets, often acting as a barrier to open communication. According to Dr. Brené Brown, a leading researcher on shame and vulnerability, the fear of judgment can prevent individuals from disclosing important family matters. This creates a cycle where secrets are kept, leading to feelings of isolation and disconnection.

Brown's studies suggest that addressing shame through vulnerability can be transformative. Families can benefit from creating a culture of acceptance, where members feel safe to share their experiences without fear of retribution. Emphasizing empathy and understanding can help break down the walls of shame and foster a supportive environment.

atomicpenguin12

atomicpenguin12

9. We don't think this secret is something the whole family wants to know

O-shi

From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, keeping secrets can lead to cognitive dissonance—a psychological state where one's beliefs and behaviors are in conflict. This dissonance can create mental discomfort, leading individuals to either rationalize keeping the secret or risk revealing it, which can be emotionally taxing. Research suggests that individuals who carry secrets often experience heightened levels of stress and anxiety as they navigate the tension between their private thoughts and public personas.

To manage cognitive dissonance, practitioners recommend mindfulness techniques that encourage individuals to acknowledge their feelings without judgment. By fostering self-compassion, people can better cope with the emotional turmoil that comes from family secrets.

10. Sadly, the 80s really weren't the best times for the LGBTQ+ community

DoofusTinyRick

11. Maybe it's just a classic case of it running in the family

Marauding_Mel

12. Maybe this mom shouldn't have set too high expectations for her child about booze

lowridincsp

Generational Patterns

Family secrets often span generations, as issues left unaddressed can be passed down from one generation to the next. A study by the Family Institute at Northwestern University highlights how unresolved family traumas can manifest as secrets that affect future family dynamics. Children learn to internalize these secrets, which can influence their own parenting styles and communication patterns.

Awareness and intervention are key. Family therapy can help break these cycles by encouraging members to explore their family history and understand the impact of past secrets on current relationships. By recognizing these patterns, families can work towards creating a healthier legacy for the next generation.

13. This situation is just so wrong on so many levels

[deleted]

14. That is not how you protect your children from harm

myreputationme

15. This has got to be one of the worst fathers in the history of fathers. How could he do that to his own kids?

vampiresorority

The psychological phenomenon known as 'family myth' can also play a role in how secrets are perceived within the family unit. This concept refers to the shared beliefs that families create to make sense of their dynamics. Researchers at Yale University have found that when family secrets contradict these myths, they can create significant emotional upheaval.

To counteract this, families can benefit from engaging in narrative therapy, which encourages members to retell their family stories, including the difficult aspects. This process not only validates each member's experiences but also allows families to reconstruct their narratives in a way that acknowledges their full history.

16. It's not something you really brag about, no matter how high your position was, unless you wanted to get stoned in broad daylight after the war

thaswhaimtalkinbout

17. This person's great uncle is very skilled at blending in with the normal folks, it seems

mrmeeseeks8

18. These are the kinds of family secrets that are so worth revealing so you can just watch those horrible people burn

catbup

The Healing Power of Disclosure

Research in clinical psychology highlights the therapeutic benefits of disclosing family secrets. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, individuals who disclose their secrets often report decreased levels of stress and improved mental health. This aligns with the idea that sharing burdens can alleviate emotional distress.

For families grappling with secrets, structured family therapy sessions can provide a safe space for disclosure. Techniques such as 'family sculpting' allow members to physically represent their relationships, encouraging a deeper understanding of their dynamics and promoting healing.

19. Risking children's lives won't solve the problems that you yourself created

gayoblivious

20. Life was very selfish of second chances for this poor girl

Spagattaca

Spagattaca

Exploring family secrets also ties into the concept of identity formation, particularly during adolescence. Research shows that teenagers who are aware of their family's history, including its secrets, develop a more complex understanding of their identity. Dr. Jennifer McKenzie from UCLA emphasizes that this awareness can empower young individuals to navigate their own paths while considering their family legacy.

Encouraging open dialogues about family history can help adolescents form a balanced sense of self. Parents should consider sharing age-appropriate stories and lessons learned from the family's past, fostering resilience and a sense of belonging in their children.

21. Some parents should really learn to stop being hypocrites

[deleted]

22. The bonus of this secret is a lot more surprising than the actual secret

FatherOf3-2Xs

23. Still, money is money, and we hope this person's grandma bought something nice for herself

notstephanie

Building Resilience Through Family Stories

Resilience is often built through storytelling, particularly in families dealing with secrets. Research from Harvard Medical School indicates that families who share their narratives, including hardships, are better equipped to handle future challenges. This storytelling creates a sense of continuity and belonging that can buffer against stress.

Practicing storytelling as a family can be a powerful tool for fostering connection. Setting aside time for family gatherings to share stories or engaging in creative activities that promote expression can help families bond over shared experiences, enhancing their resilience.

24. We hope they got what they deserved for doing something so cruel to a freaking kid

Xanitarou

25. It's both hilarious and adorable how this person never really figured out this secret for so long

Gumburcules

26. The desertion of this person's great-grandpa actually led to something good for the family

Luftwaffle88

Practical Solutions for Healing

To effectively address family secrets, families can implement several practical strategies. First, establishing regular family check-ins can create a routine for open conversations. Research suggests that families who communicate regularly about their feelings and experiences report lower levels of tension.

Additionally, practicing active listening during these discussions can foster a sense of safety for all members. Encouraging each person to express their feelings without interruption can cultivate an environment of trust and understanding, which is essential for healing.

Luftwaffle88

27. Some of the sweetest people on Earth can be driven to commit a crime out of desperation for the people they love

haroldtitus425

28. Drawing this family's family tree might get a little messy

Gabbi_RSL

Therapeutic Interventions

Therapeutic interventions such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can be particularly effective in addressing family secrets. EFT, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, focuses on creating secure emotional bonds between family members. Research indicates that families who engage in EFT show significant improvements in communication and emotional connection.

Families interested in this approach should seek a licensed therapist trained in EFT. This structured method can help families articulate their experiences, process their emotions, and ultimately strengthen their relationships.

Gabbi_RSL

29. This person's great-grandfather has lived the life of so many people aside from his very own

Floradonna

Floradonna

In conclusion, understanding the psychological dynamics of family secrets can illuminate the pathways to healing and connection. As families learn to navigate their histories, the potential for growth and resilience becomes evident. By implementing strategies that promote open communication and emotional support, families can transform the weight of secrets into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection.

As research consistently shows, the journey toward healing is often rooted in vulnerability and shared experiences, paving the way for stronger familial bonds.

30. Her experiences when she was younger might have been what led to her extreme beliefs in her old age

drccmflb

31. This kind of secret is more disappointing than haunting to know

DaughterEarth

32. This is actually a cool kind of secret to be revealed

Blokie_McBlokeface

33. Sometimes, it's just not worth giving the benefit of the doubt to some people

laterdude

34. There could have been a whole other family they could have known with that forgotten surname

jemmeow

35. The second secret here doesn't make any kind of sense. Why would they do that to the poor kid?

[deleted]

Sometimes, family secrets can be like Pandora's box. You'd want to know what it is, and you'd be burning with curiosity, but most of the time, it's better to leave that box closed and sealed unless you want to bear the burden of the secret.

But hey, none of these secrets have yet caused harm to the families, right? So, all we have to say is uncover secrets at your own risk.

Psychological Analysis

Family secrets can be a heavy burden, often leading to feelings of shame and isolation among members. When individuals share these secrets, it can be a way to relieve that emotional weight, fostering connection and understanding within the family. Encouraging open dialogue not only helps individuals cope but can also transform family dynamics into healthier, more supportive relationships.

Analysis generated by AI

Research-Based Understanding

Research from the National Institute of Mental Health suggests that addressing family secrets through open dialogue can significantly improve mental health outcomes for all family members. Interventions that focus on building emotional intelligence and communication skills are essential for fostering a supportive environment.

Incorporating therapeutic practices, such as narrative therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy, can facilitate meaningful conversations that lead to greater understanding and cohesion within families. The key takeaway is that healing from the impact of family secrets is possible through a commitment to honesty and empathy, ultimately leading to stronger, more resilient family units.