Should I Ask My Parents-In-Law To Move Back Home

A baby was supposed to bring everyone together for a quick, happy visit. Instead, four years later, OP’s in-laws are still living in his house, and the “spare bedroom” situation turned into a full-time squeeze that has him sleeping with his toddler.

During COVID, OP’s parents-in-law arrived with the intention of staying only until the baby stuff settled. His father-in-law even found a job, and his mother-in-law cooks and “helps,” but her way of doing things means bland, salty, or oddly earthy meals, plus nonstop complaining and a clutter explosion that takes over every corner.

And the worst part, the smoking happens right next to the newborn and now the young kid, like it’s just another normal day.

Original Post

tl;dr Four years ago, my parents-in-law came to visit me, which later became permanent residency in my home. I'm thinking of telling them to go back to their home.

**Long Version:** Four years ago, during the COVID years, my parents-in-law came to visit me because my wife and I were expecting a baby. Initially, I thought it would be a few months' stay until we got settled around the baby; it turned out they have been living permanently with me until today.

My retired father-in-law even found a job in the second month of their stay. My house only has one spare bedroom, which was later occupied by my parents-in-law, so I have been forced to sleep with my toddler son until today.

**The Problem Right Now** My father-in-law is a heavy smoker (about one to two packs a day), but what disgusts me the most is that he continues to smoke even when my son (or even the neighbor's toddler) is around. He smokes within one meter of a literal newborn (I saw it with my own eyes).

My mother-in-law helps around the house and cooks for everyone. However, she insists on doing things her way, which results in us eating her bland, too salty, or overly earthy food every day.

Additionally, she complains a lot. Since there are two pairs of adults living together, there is so much clutter.

I have an entire cabinet filled just to store their Tupperware, an outdoor desk placed in the pathway, houseplants more than I can count, and an overall collection of random items they don't want to throw away. My son is now four years old, and he is at that age where he starts asking if he can sleep on his own. **The Plan** I just want to tell them, "Hey, can you guys go back to your own house?" I will pay for the transportation; my wife and I even set up a monthly allowance for them.

To me, what I'm proposing seems generous enough. However, my parents-in-law might see it differently, as if we hate them and are throwing them away.

But they already have a decent house in their hometown. My current home is just company housing with total strangers around, but in their hometown, they could have family members nearby.

My father-in-law thinks he wants to keep working and live with me because their hometown doesn't have a good job market. But he is literally 72 years old this year; last month, he was forced to retire again by his employer. Dude, just stay retired and enjoy your life.

This scenario highlights the complexities of family dynamics, especially when extended family members live in the same household.

Comment from u/laughinglovinglivid

Comment from u/k23_k23

OP is still sharing the house with his in-laws because the visit was supposed to be temporary, but it never actually ended after the baby arrived.

Moreover, the presence of extended family can often lead to feelings of intrusion and loss of privacy.

Recognizing the need for personal space is essential for preserving emotional well-being in shared living situations.

Comment from u/Both-Mud-4362

Comment from u/SpookyAnatomyDiagram

The father-in-law’s two-pack-a-day habit keeps happening even when OP’s son is nearby, and OP says he’s seen it happen within a meter of a newborn.

Comment from u/Present_Amphibian832

I think it is time for the big talk with your wife. Either HER folks go, or you do. It's time to get your life back. NTA

Comment from u/duckingman

Comment from u/Significant_Rub_4589

Comment from u/SlappySlapsticker

NTA. Tell them to hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more. Four years of forcing themselves on you is taking the p**s. Let them know it's not working anymore, your son needs his own room, and there's not enough space for them with that happening.

This feels like the friend who ghosted the OP in their time of need, then demanded help later.

Comment from u/Glinda-The-Witch

Meanwhile, OP’s mother-in-law insists on running the household her way, so the daily routine becomes clutter, complaints, and an entire cabinet dedicated to their Tupperware.

With their parents-in-law having made a temporary move into their home a permanent arrangement, it is essential to address the unspoken expectations that may have developed over the years. The emotional implications of living with extended family members should not be underestimated, as they can impact both personal well-being and family dynamics.

By fostering an environment where concerns can be discussed openly, families can work towards a more supportive and harmonious living situation that respects everyone's needs.

Comment from u/SadFlatworm1436

You could start off with, “Now that you’ve retired, it’s time for us all to start the next phase of our lives,” i.e., them in their home and you in yours. NTA

Establishing Boundaries in Shared Living Situations

Engaging in open discussions about personal space and privacy can help family members understand each other's needs.

Comment from u/FlanSwimming8607

Have the hard conversation. It’s time for your son to be in his own room. Time for them to go back home.

OP’s plan is to offer transportation money and a monthly allowance so the in-laws can go back home, but he’s worried they’ll see it as rejection instead of generosity.

Comment from u/Alfred-Register7379

NTA. I think even your wife knew that they would come and stay permanently. If she's not working, then you are her bank. And if they are not working, even though they are permanent, you are their bank as well. Tell them it's time to go by looking up apartments and showing your wife. If she laughs in your face and doesn't agree, then you know the marriage is over. They basically have a free house, and you're the one who would have to move.

Comment from u/Wolverine97and23

1) Why the f**k are you letting anyone smoke anywhere inside the house with a child there? YTA for allowing this in YOUR home! 2) Your house, your rules; they listen to you! Get them out, as they don’t respect you.

Comment from u/BliepBlipBlop

NTA. But you're not choosing your child's health over your in-laws' feelings. How are you concerned about the clutter, lack of space for your child, and the smoking but not enough to do something about it years ago? Their feelings don't matter. Kick them out. They have a house. This is insane. You and your wife need to take action instead of letting this happen.

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Additionally, creating a family agreement regarding household responsibilities and boundaries can alleviate misunderstandings and promote cooperation.

He’s not just asking his in-laws to leave, he’s trying to get his kid back into a safer, less crowded life.

For another family money fight, read what happened when a sibling refused repayment after basic living expenses.