Should I Ask My Partner to Hide Exs Gifts? | Relationship Advice

A 29-year-old boyfriend is dating a 27-year-old partner, and everything is going great, except for the weird part where their ex keeps showing up with expensive gifts.

We are talking designer items and flashy jewelry, the kind of stuff that makes anyone’s stomach drop, even if the ex insists it is “friendly.” The boyfriend feels uncomfortable, his partner says they have no feelings left, and somehow it is still a constant emotional tug-of-war. To make it worse, his parents are traditional and conservative, and they are loudly judging the whole situation.

Now he is thinking about asking his partner to hide the gifts, but he worries it will make him look controlling, not caring.

Original Post

So I'm (29M) dating this amazing person (27NB), and we've been together for a year now. Everything's been great, except for one thing - my partner's ex keeps sending them gifts.

Now, these gifts are always extravagant, like expensive jewelry and designer items. It makes me uncomfortable, especially since my parents strongly disapprove.

For background, my partner and their ex were together for several years before breaking up amicably. My partner assures me that they have no feelings left and that it's just a friendly gesture.

However, I can see how it affects them, even if they don't admit it. My parents, on the other hand, are traditional and conservative.

They believe that accepting gifts from an ex is highly inappropriate and disrespectful to our relationship. They've made comments about it, which adds to my discomfort.

I've brought up my concerns with my partner, but they feel torn. They appreciate the gifts but also understand my perspective.

I'm thinking of asking them to either return the gifts or at least not display them openly. However, I worry about seeming controlling or insecure.

So, Reddit, would I be the a*****e if I asked my partner to hide their ex's gifts to respect my discomfort and my parents' disapproval, even though my partner sees it differently?

The Complicated Nature of Exes

This situation shines a light on the complicated emotional landscape that comes with relationships and ex-partners. The original poster's discomfort is understandable; lavish gifts from an ex can evoke feelings of insecurity and jealousy, even when there’s no romantic intent. His partner’s insistence that these gifts are purely friendly gestures might come off as dismissive of his feelings, which adds another layer to this already complex dynamic.

Readers are likely split on whether the request to hide the gifts is reasonable or controlling. On one hand, it’s about protecting one’s feelings, but on the other, it raises questions about trust and the right to dictate a partner's past connections. The tension here is palpable, as the couple navigates the fine line between openness and discomfort.

His partner might call it a harmless gesture, but those “designer items” are landing like a slap in the face to OP.</p>

Comment from u/lucky_duck9876

YTA - Your partner has every right to keep the gifts they received. It's a gesture from their past and doesn't diminish your current relationship. Your discomfort shouldn't dictate their actions.

Comment from u/cool_beanz_23

NTA - If these gifts make you uncomfortable, it's valid to express your feelings. However, rather than asking them to hide the gifts, have an open conversation about finding a compromise that respects both your feelings and your partner's past.

And every time OP’s parents bring it up, the gifts stop feeling friendly and start feeling like a threat.</p>

Comment from u/rainbow_unicorn44

YTA - Your partner's ex is their past, and gifts shouldn't hold power over your relationship. Trust your partner's commitment to you instead of letting material gestures affect your dynamic.

It echoes the AITA argument where someone called out their partner’s dislike of their family.

Comment from u/dancing_panda99

NTA - It's understandable to feel uneasy about constant reminders of your partner's past, especially when it involves lavish gifts. Discuss boundaries with your partner and find a solution that eases your discomfort without controlling their actions.

OP already tried raising his concerns, and now his partner is stuck between appreciating the gifts and understanding why he hates them.</p>

Comment from u/sunset_dreamer123

YTA - Asking your partner to hide gifts from their ex may come off as insecure and controlling.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

So the real question is whether asking them to return or hide jewelry and designer stuff is respect, or just insecurity dressed up as compromise.</p>

Why Parental Disapproval Matters

The mention of parental disapproval adds an interesting twist to this story. It suggests that the original poster is not only grappling with his own feelings but also with societal expectations and familial pressures. This external validation can often weigh heavily on individuals, leading them to question their relationship choices more than they might otherwise.

When a partner feels the need to appease their family’s opinion, it can lead to conflicts in the relationship. The pressure to conform can make one person feel as though they have to sacrifice their feelings for the sake of appearing ‘right’ in the eyes of their parents. It’s a classic example of how family dynamics can complicate even the most straightforward of relationship issues.

What It Comes Down To

This story resonates because it highlights the often unspoken complexities of relationships, especially when ex-partners are involved.

This scenario underscores the tension between personal feelings and the influence of external pressures. The original poster's discomfort with their partner's ex's extravagant gifts is amplified by traditional parental views, creating a conflict between their emotional needs and the desire to maintain familial approval. Ultimately, this dynamic illustrates how past relationships can overshadow present connections, complicating what should be a straightforward partnership.

The jewelry might be “from an ex,” but the tension is all in OP’s relationship.

Still stuck on family judgment, read WIBTA for skipping holidays with a partner’s disapproving family: Should I Skip Spending Holidays with Partners Disapproving Family?