Should I Back Out of Helping My Friend with Dating Advice After Finding My Own Relationship?

A 28-year-old man was supposed to be Kelly’s steady dating backup, the guy who reviewed profiles and showed up to social events like a human security blanket. Then he met Sarah, and suddenly his “wingman schedule” collided with real chemistry.

Kelly, 26, had just crawled out of a brutal breakup and asked OP to help her get back out there, for six whole months. They even made it official.

Now OP is stuck between honoring a promise to Kelly and not tanking what he has with Sarah.

Original Post

So I'm (28M), and my friend Kelly (26F) recently asked for my help with getting back into the dating scene after a tough breakup. She's always been there for me, so I agreed to be her wingman, review her dating profiles, and even accompany her to social events as moral support.

For background, Kelly's had a string of bad luck with relationships, and I genuinely wanted to help her find someone great. We made a pact that I'd assist her for six months, and she was thrilled.

However, things took a turn when I met someone special, Sarah (29F), at a party Kelly organized. Sarah and I hit it off instantly, and we've been dating for a few weeks now.

The problem is, Sarah doesn't feel comfortable with me continuing to give Kelly dating advice or spending so much time together. I understand Sarah's point of view and respect her feelings, so I need to choose between jeopardizing my relationship with Sarah or breaking the promise I made to Kelly.

If I back out now, Kelly might struggle with her love life again, but if I continue, it could strain my relationship with Sarah. I feel torn between my loyalty to Kelly and my commitment to Sarah.

So WIBTA if I ended our deal to give Kelly dating advice after finding my own relationship, even though I promised her help for six months?

The Dilemma of Loyalty

This story really highlights the conflict between loyalty and personal happiness. The OP had made a commitment to Kelly, promising six months of support as she navigates the dating world post-breakup. But now, with a budding relationship of his own, he's feeling torn. It's not just about breaking a promise; it’s about balancing his desire for romance with the emotional support his friend needs during a vulnerable time.

Readers can relate to this moral quandary. Should he put his new relationship on hold for the sake of a friend, or is it fair to prioritize his own happiness? This tension between supporting a friend and pursuing personal joy is something many can identify with, making the OP's choice all the more compelling.

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Kelly is thrilled about the six-month pact, but OP’s world starts shifting the moment Sarah shows up at that party Kelly organized.

The Complications of Timing

The timing of the OP’s new relationship couldn't be worse for Kelly. She’s just getting back into dating after a tough breakup, and here comes a friend who's supposed to help her now feeling emotionally unavailable. This adds another layer of complexity to their friendship. Kelly might now feel abandoned, not just because her wingman is distracted but because she might see the OP as someone who’s moved on while she’s still struggling.

This dynamic can breed resentment, and it’s a classic case of how timing can complicate relationships. Readers can sense the underlying tension; it raises the question of whether friendships can withstand the pressure of new romantic interests.

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After OP and Sarah hit it off, Sarah’s discomfort turns the wingman plan into a ticking clock with Kelly.

It echoes a conflicted friend who develops feelings for bestie’s partner, despite their closeness.

Community Divided

The Reddit community’s reaction is interestingly polarized. Some people argue that the OP should stick to his commitment to help Kelly, pointing out that friendships often require sacrifices. Others sympathize with his desire to pursue his own happiness, suggesting that it’s natural to prioritize new relationships when they spark joy.

This division reflects a broader societal debate about friendship versus romantic relationships. The OP’s situation taps into fears many have about losing friends once they enter a romantic relationship, making it relatable and provoking strong opinions on both sides of the aisle.

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OP has to choose between backing out of dating advice for Kelly and risking Sarah’s trust over “just helping a friend.”

What’s particularly intriguing here is the unspoken expectations that come with both friendships and romantic relationships. Kelly might feel entitled to the OP’s support because of their pact, yet the OP’s new relationship complicates those expectations. It raises questions about how we navigate these agreements when life throws in unexpected changes.

Readers can see the nuances here—it's not just about helping a friend; it's about recognizing the fluid nature of relationships. People change, and so do their priorities, making this situation a vivid illustration of how we reconcile our commitments with our evolving lives.

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The real mess is that Kelly might spiral again if he stops, while Sarah might pull away if he keeps going.

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Final Thoughts

This story serves as a powerful reminder of the complexities inherent in balancing friendships with romantic pursuits.

The Bigger Picture

The situation with the 28-year-old man, Kelly, and Sarah really underscores the tension between loyalty and personal happiness. He made a genuine commitment to support Kelly during her vulnerable time, but once he found a romantic connection with Sarah, it complicated matters. Sarah's discomfort with his ongoing involvement with Kelly reflects a common concern in relationships about emotional availability, leaving him in a tough spot where he feels torn between two important commitments.

He promised six months to Kelly, but Sarah is making sure he pays for every minute.

Jealousy sparks a love triangle in choosing friendship over a partner, and the moral dilemma gets messy fast.