Should I Cancel My Weekend Plans for My Ex? AITA?

Divorced mom debates canceling weekend plans for kids due to ex-husband's lapses - AITA for wanting time for myself?

Damjan

Published in Interesting
23 Sep 2025

Should I Cancel My Weekend Plans for My Ex? AITA?

A divorced mom just got handed a rare gift: one weekend that is actually hers. No work, no kid chaos, no nonstop responsibility. She even had plans lined up for something she almost never does, a casual hookup with a guy she’s known for a while. But then the ex-message hits, and the guilt starts bubbling.

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Here’s the messy part, her custody settlement is built around the ex’s sobriety. He gets a “buildup of time” as long as he meets criteria, and she has the right to breathalyze him at exchanges and whenever she suspects drinking. She’s been doing it, and he hasn’t failed. Still, she’s convinced a relapse is always possible, especially since he’s already relapsed before.

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Now she’s staring at the one weekend she’s waited years for, wondering if canceling her plans makes her a decent mom or just proves she’s trapped in this cycle forever.

Original Post

I'm divorced. Same old story: he cheated, I left, blah blah blah.

We had the usual custody battle, and we signed a settlement that gives him a buildup of time as long as he meets certain criteria. He has a drinking problem and relapsed, but now he is sober again.

I always know when he's been drinking. I can tell.

Also, the settlement gives me the right to breathalyze him at every exchange and anytime I have suspicions. I do breathalyze him.

He has not failed at all. I have not suspected alcohol use at all.

It has been a few months, but I know another relapse is always possible and even likely, based on statistics. The settlement gives him one of my weekends.

I made plans to meet someone for casual sex. I never do this.

I was already nervous about it. I've been talking to him for quite a while, and we planned this weekend two months ago.

So it's not with a stranger. We're friends.

I reminded my ex today that he was getting an extra weekend. I reminded him two weeks ago, as well.

And a month ago. He had forgotten.

He said he had to work, but then he said his mom could babysit.

Am I the asshole for not saying that I'll go ahead and keep them and cancel my plans? I don't want to be one of those moms who puts men over her kids.

But this is the first weekend in over seven years that I've not had to work and also not been responsible for kids. And I really wanted this weekend to happen.

I want to get away and have a little bit of fun. Just this one time.

I don't have anyone blowing up my phone. I'm not bragging about this to all my friends and family.

My best friend knows. She has all his information and knows where I'll be and if connected to my location.

Just in case. And I've video chatted with this person, checked for a criminal record, and seen his ID.

He is who he says he is. I'm just feeling incredibly guilty right now, and I'm about to cancel and call my ex to tell him I'll keep the kids.

Adding for clarity: I work every other weekend. This is literally the only time in the foreseeable future that I can do this.

One more add: he lives about three and a half hours from me, so we can't really just get together after work. And I'm not going to have some random guy in my house with my kids.

So he can't just come to me.

In the tangled web of co-parenting and personal obligations, the dilemma faced by the divorced parent in the Reddit post highlights a vital aspect of emotional well-being. The situation raises important questions about self-care and the balancing act that many single parents must navigate. Choosing to honor plans for a casual hookup, despite the ex-husband's oversight regarding his custody weekend, is not merely about indulging in personal desires. It reflects a necessary assertion of boundaries and the prioritization of one's own mental health. Managing the complexities of family dynamics requires parents to carve out time for joy and relaxation, which are essential for maintaining a stable environment for their children. The divorce settlement's stipulation for breathalyzing the ex-husband underlines the difficult reality of trust and safety that pervades their interactions, making it even more crucial for the parent to prioritize their own needs while ensuring their children remain secure and supported.

Comment from u/ShmebulocksMistress

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Comment from u/possible-penguin

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She’s not just dealing with “coparenting vibes,” she’s dealing with a court-backed setup where she breathalyzes her ex every handoff and he’s stayed sober so far.

This guilt often stems from a desire to maintain a positive co-parenting relationship, but it can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout if personal needs are consistently neglected.

Comment from u/Grrrrr_Arrrrrgh

Comment from u/ScarletNotThatOne

In the scenario presented, the divorced parent grapples with a common dilemma faced by many: the clash between personal desires and parental obligations. The Redditor's situation highlights the internal conflict that arises when personal plans intersect with co-parenting responsibilities. The ex-husband's oversight in forgetting about the custody weekend adds a layer of complexity to the decision at hand. While it may seem selfish to prioritize a casual hookup, it is essential to recognize that self-care is a critical component of effective parenting. This individual is not necessarily failing their child by wanting to honor personal commitments. Instead, understanding that personal time is vital can help alleviate the guilt associated with such choices, ultimately leading to healthier dynamics in both personal and parenting roles.

Comment from u/SinglePermission9373

Comment from u/dejomatic

The complication lands when her ex forgets the extra weekend repeatedly, then suddenly claims he has to work, and his mom can babysit instead.

Future scenarios like this one may be better managed with proactive communication strategies.

Comment from u/EmpressOfMyBackyard

Comment from u/rebcl

Research reveals that understanding and validating one’s emotions can significantly improve relational dynamics.

It also echoes the brother who kept racking up commissary debt, while family guilt pushed him toward more collect calls.

Comment from u/TerminalVector

Comment from u/greenlandsharklove

While her kids are set to be with him, she’s trying to enjoy the first weekend off in seven years, but her brain keeps shouting “what if he relapses” anyway.

When parents prioritize their own needs, it models self-respect and emotional health for their children.

This modeling can positively influence children's future relationships and coping mechanisms. Understanding this perspective can alleviate guilt, reinforcing the idea that self-care is not selfish but rather a necessary aspect of effective parenting.

Comment from u/Suspicious-Name-5199

Comment from u/analfistinggremlin

In navigating complex emotional landscapes, mindfulness practices can also prove beneficial. Incorporating mindfulness exercises, like deep breathing or meditation, can provide clarity in decision-making. Engaging in these practices can empower the individual to confidently prioritize personal time without the burden of guilt, fostering a healthier emotional state for both her and her children.

Comment from u/ShekhMaShierakiAnni

Comment from u/Anniebelle1020

Her best friend is on standby with his info, location checks, and a plan for “just in case,” and that safety net is exactly what’s making her feel guilty about keeping the weekend.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.