Should I Date My Best Friends Ex? Reddit Weighs In

A 29-year-old woman refused to pretend her feelings didn’t exist, even when they pointed straight at her best friend’s ex. She and Alex have been attached at the hip since high school, the kind of friendship where you share clothes and secrets without thinking twice.

Then Alex broke up with Sam, her long-term boyfriend, after a messy split. A few months later, OP and Sam have gotten closer, and the chemistry is so real they decided to explore it. The catch? OP told Alex about her feelings, and Alex immediately flipped it into “girl code betrayal,” claiming OP is choosing a guy over their friendship.

Now the whole situation hinges on one question, and it’s not as simple as “is he available,” because the breakup only happened a few months ago.

Original Post

So I'm (29F) and I've been best friends with 'Alex' (28F) since high school. We've always been super close, sharing everything from clothes to secrets.

Recently, Alex broke up with her long-term boyfriend 'Sam' (30M) after a messy breakup. It's been a few months, and Sam and I have gotten closer.

We've realized we have a strong connection and want to explore a relationship together. I decided to be honest with Alex and told her about my feelings for Sam.

Alex got upset and accused me of betrayal, saying it's a violation of girl code to date your best friend's ex. Sam and I both believe we could have a real future together, but Alex is throwing a fit, claiming I'm choosing a guy over our friendship.

For background, Sam and Alex's breakup was mutual, and there were no hard feelings initially. Sam and I never intended to hurt Alex, but things escalated quickly once she found out about our interest in each other.

So, Reddit, given the circumstances, would I be the a-hole if I pursued a relationship with Sam despite Alex's objections? I honestly don't know if I'm wrong here.

This Reddit situation digs deep into the murky waters of friendship and romantic interest. The OP has developed feelings for Sam, her best friend's ex, which raises the question of loyalty versus personal happiness. While Alex and Sam’s breakup appears amicable, it’s crucial to remember that feelings can linger long after a relationship ends. Is it fair for the OP to pursue someone who’s still tied to her best friend’s past, even if the breakup was cordial?

The emotional stakes increase when you factor in the shared history between the OP and Alex. It’s not just about dating an ex; it’s about potentially risking a cherished friendship. The community's response will likely reflect this tension, with some advocating for the OP's right to seek happiness and others emphasizing the importance of loyalty to friends.

Comment from u/butterflydreamer333

Comment from u/mellow_dandelion

Comment from u/zenith_flashlight

After months of closeness with Alex, OP thought honesty would land better than secrecy when she finally admitted she had feelings for Sam.

The Complicating Factor of Timing

Timing is everything in relationships, and this situation highlights that perfectly. The OP developed feelings for Sam after Alex and Sam’s breakup, but how long after? If it was recent, it complicates the emotional landscape even further. There's a difference between moving on quickly and genuinely feeling a connection with someone who just exited a significant chapter in life.

This gray area often leads to intense debates in the Reddit comments. Some users might argue that the OP should wait until Alex has fully moved on before even considering a relationship with Sam. Others might say that feelings can’t be controlled, and if there's genuine chemistry, why should the OP hold back?

Comment from u/rainbowstargazer_96

Comment from u/coffeeandcats22

Comment from u/exploringtheworld1

That’s when Alex’s “girl code” accusation hit, even though Sam and Alex’s breakup was described as mutual at first.

This echoes the AITA post where the best friend’s messy breakup and her interest sparked “betrayal” accusations.

Unpacking the Community's Divide

The Reddit community's reaction to this post is bound to be split, reflecting the complexity of human relationships. Some commenters will undoubtedly rally behind the OP, championing her right to pursue her feelings, while others will call her out for a perceived betrayal. This dynamic captures a broader societal conversation about the ethics of dating within friend groups.

What makes this discussion particularly rich is how personal experiences color opinions. Some users may share stories of similar situations, bringing their histories of loyalty and betrayal into the conversation. This not only adds layers to the discussion but also shows how intertwined love and friendship can be, leading to strong reactions and varied perspectives.

Comment from u/skygazing_unicorn

Comment from u/hikingadventures87

Comment from u/cosmicdreamer444

The tension escalated fast once OP and Sam’s connection went from “getting closer” to “we want a real future,” right after Alex found out.

The Aftermath of Crossing Lines

If the OP decides to pursue a relationship with Sam, the consequences could ripple through her friendship with Alex in unpredictable ways. Even if Alex seems okay with the idea, feelings of jealousy or betrayal could simmer beneath the surface, leading to future conflicts. It’s hard to gauge how a friendship will change when one person starts dating an ex, especially when emotions are involved.

This situation serves as a reminder of how complex human relationships can be. The OP is at a crossroads, balancing her own desires with the potential fallout from her decision. How will she navigate the aftermath if things don’t go as planned? It’s a situation that resonates with anyone who’s ever faced a similar dilemma in their own lives.

Comment from u/chocolatelover88

Now OP is stuck between keeping her friendship with Alex intact and pursuing Sam, who both she and Alex agree was not a villain in the original breakup.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

Why This Story Matters

This story is a poignant reminder of the tangled web of emotions that can arise when romance and friendship collide. It raises essential questions about loyalty, timing, and the ethics of dating someone close to a friend. Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? How did you handle it, and what would you advise the OP to do?

Why This Matters

The situation unfolding between the Reddit user and her best friend, Alex, is a classic case of emotions colliding. Despite Alex's breakup with Sam being amicable, the OP's feelings for him have drawn a line in their friendship that many find hard to cross. While the OP is seeking personal happiness, Alex's strong reaction underscores how quickly loyalty can be tested when past relationships are involved. This dilemma taps into broader themes of love and friendship, igniting passionate debates about the ethics of dating an ex and what it truly means to honor the bonds we share.

OP might not be the bad person here, but she’s definitely playing with fire in a friendship that’s already on edge.

Still torn after “Alex” accused you of betrayal, see how another AITA case handled it: friend-ex dating dilemma after feelings came up.