Should I Exclude My Cousin from Family Holiday Gathering for Not Contributing to Charity Drive?

A 29-year-old woman refused to let her cousin’s “I’m broke” excuse slide, after the cousin dodged this year’s family charity drive and then reportedly splurged on designer stuff. This is the kind of holiday drama where the money isn’t even the main issue, it’s the vibe, the hypocrisy, and the fact that the charity event is basically part of the family’s holiday script.

Every year, OP’s family hosts a holiday gathering and runs a charity drive for underprivileged children. Everyone is expected to contribute a reasonable amount, with the option to give more. But when OP asked her 27-year-old cousin to chip in, the cousin flat-out refused, claiming tight funds due to personal expenses, then somehow managed to buy luxury items like designer clothes and a luxury bag shortly after.

Now OP is staring at the countdown to the holiday dinner, wondering if excluding her cousin would protect the tradition, or just blow up the family.

Original Post

I (29F) come from a family tradition of hosting a holiday gathering every year. Alongside this celebration, we also organize a charity drive where each family member contributes to a chosen charity.

This year, our selected charity supports underprivileged children in our community. We set a reasonable donation amount per person, but everyone is free to give more if they wish.

My cousin (27F) has always been part of these events, but this year, when I reached out about the charity drive, she flat out refused to contribute. Her reason?

She claimed she was tight on funds due to personal expenses. However, shortly after, I found out she made significant purchases for herself, like designer clothes and a luxury bag.

This rubbed me the wrong way. The point of the charity drive is to help those in need, yet she prioritized her wants over contributing, even after being part of our family tradition for years.

I feel her actions are selfish and disrespectful to the spirit of the event. Now, as the event approaches, I'm torn.

Should I exclude her from our family gathering as a consequence of her refusal to participate in the charity drive, or should I set this aside and let her join like every year? I want to uphold the values of our family tradition and the importance of giving back, but I also don't want to cause unnecessary tension.

So, WIBTA if I didn't invite my cousin to our family holiday gathering?

The Dilemma of Family Values

This situation hits home for many families, especially around the holidays. The user’s cousin not contributing to the charity drive isn’t just a matter of money; it’s a reflection of differing values within the family. While some might see charity as a non-negotiable part of family tradition, others might feel overwhelmed or disengaged, leading to a clash of priorities. This dynamic raises uncomfortable questions about what obligation means in a family context.

The user’s desire to exclude the cousin speaks volumes about how we define family and belonging. Are we only as good as our contributions? Or is the core of family about acceptance, regardless of individual choices? That tension is palpable, and it’s no surprise this has resonated with readers who’ve experienced similar rifts.

OP’s cousin turned down the underprivileged-children charity, then OP noticed designer clothes and a luxury bag showing up right after.

Comment from u/PotatoNinja88

NTA. Your cousin's selfish actions go against the community spirit of the charity drive. If she can splurge on luxuries but won't help those in need, she doesn't deserve the family gathering.

Comment from u/CookieCraver17

YTA. It's a tough situation, but excluding her from the family event might escalate the issue. Maybe have a private conversation about the importance of giving back before making a decision.

Comment from u/RavenDreamer42

NTA. Family events tied to charity drives hold sentimental value beyond just gathering; they're about unity and support. Your cousin's refusal seems disrespectful to the tradition and the cause.

Comment from u/CrispyCritic03

ESH. While your cousin's lack of contribution is disappointing, using the family gathering as leverage might strain relationships. Consider addressing her actions separately from the event.

The worst part is that this cousin has been part of these holiday events for years, so the refusal feels less like a one-time slip and more like a pattern.

Comment from u/GamerGalForever

YTA. Family events should promote inclusivity, even when disagreements arise. It's better to address her behavior directly rather than potentially alienating her from the family.

This is also like the debate over excluding a cousin from the family reunion, where harmony versus inclusivity got messy fast.

Comment from u/CoffeeBeanAddict

NTA.

Comment from u/MountainHiker55

ESH. While your cousin's actions seem selfish, excluding her without discussion might make the situation worse. It's essential to communicate openly about the significance of contributing to community causes.

With the charity drive tied to the family gathering, OP has to decide whether to let it slide and keep the peace, or enforce the rules and risk a scene.

Comment from u/MusicLover2021

NTA. Your cousin's disregard for the charity drive's purpose is disappointing. Considering the family's commitment to giving back, it's reasonable to pause and reassess her involvement in the holiday gathering.

Comment from u/RainbowDancer99

YTA. While her choice not to donate is disheartening, excluding her from a family event might create more tension. Address the charity drive issue separately but keep the gathering inclusive.

Comment from u/BookwormJules

NTA. The charity drive reflects your family's values, and your cousin's refusal challenges that unity. It's okay to reevaluate her participation in the holiday gathering based on her actions regarding giving back.

As the holiday approaches, OP is basically choosing between inviting the cousin back to the table, or sending a message by not inviting her at all.

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!.

The Community's Reaction

The comments section is where this debate really gets spicy. Some readers advocate for inclusion, arguing that the holiday spirit should transcend financial contributions. Others insist that participating in the charity drive is a fundamental family expectation, suggesting that exclusion might teach the cousin a lesson about community responsibility. This split reflects broader societal debates about individualism versus collectivism.

It’s fascinating how family traditions can serve as a microcosm for larger conversations about social responsibility. This isn’t merely about one family’s gathering; it’s about how we navigate expectations and values in our closest relationships. The varying opinions show just how complicated family dynamics can get, especially when money and morals collide.

The Bottom Line

This situation underscores the complexity of familial relationships during the holiday season.

What It Comes Down To

The conflict between the Reddit user and her cousin highlights the tension between family values and individual choices. The cousin's refusal to contribute to the charity drive, especially after splurging on luxury items, raises questions about her commitment to the family's traditions and the spirit of giving. This situation forces the user to grapple with whether family bonds should take precedence over adherence to shared values, illustrating the broader dilemma many families face during the holidays about balancing inclusion with accountability. The mixed reactions from the online community reflect this complexity, as people weigh the importance of tradition against the need for acceptance.

The family dinner did not end well, because OP’s cousin tested whether “giving back” is real or just tradition talk.

Before you punish your cousin over the charity drive, see what happened after a cousin was excluded for bringing store-bought dessert.