Should I Have Excluded My Friend From Our Familys Sacred Thanksgiving Pie-Baking Tradition?
AITAH for denying my friend entry to our family's sacred kitchen tradition? Opinions divided on whether excluding her was justified or hurtful.
A 28-year-old woman refused to let her friend Sarah join her family’s annual Thanksgiving pie-baking tradition, and now the whole thing is blowing up in her DMs and in her head. This is not “come help chop apples” baking, it’s the sacred, generations-only kind of day, where the recipes are treated like family heirlooms.
Sarah has baked for their gatherings before, she’s even brought pies, but she’s never been part of the inner circle. When she asked to learn the secret recipes, the OP hesitated, not because she thinks Sarah is untrustworthy, but because the family treats the tradition like a boundary, not a hobby. Sarah felt hurt, and the OP is stuck between protecting tradition and not wanting to be the villain.
Now everyone wants to know if excluding Sarah was protecting a legacy or just being unnecessarily gatekeepy.
Original Post
So, I'm a 28-year-old woman, and my friend, let's call her Sarah, has been begging me to let her join our family's annual Thanksgiving pie-baking tradition. For generations, it's been a special moment shared only with close family members, and the recipes are treasured secrets passed down orally.
Sarah loves baking and has even brought pies to our gatherings in the past, but she's never been part of the sacred pie-making day. When she asked to learn the secret recipes, I hesitated.
I know Sarah is trustworthy, but my family takes this tradition very seriously, and I feel conflicted about breaking the tradition by including an outsider. I politely declined her request, but she seemed hurt and didn't understand why she couldn't participate.
I feel torn between honoring our family tradition and being inclusive. AITA for excluding Sarah from this special tradition?
The tension in this story stems from a classic conflict: the push and pull between family loyalty and the desire to include friends in cherished traditions. The OP's decision to exclude her friend from a longstanding Thanksgiving pie-baking ritual highlights how family bonds often prioritize exclusivity. It’s not just about the pies; it’s about preserving a unique family identity that’s been shaped over years.
This situation resonates with many because it forces a tough question: Can you blend friendships with family traditions, or do some things inherently belong to the family unit? The OP’s friend likely felt hurt by the exclusion, underscoring the emotional stakes involved. It’s a delicate balance that many can relate to, making this story a fertile ground for debate.
Sarah’s “please let me learn the secret recipes” request is the moment the friendly neighbor energy disappears and the sacred pie rules kick in.
Comment from u/potato_queen99
NTA - Family traditions are important, and it's understandable that you want to keep this one exclusive. Sarah should respect that.
Comment from u/coffee_addict_42
Maybe NAH - Sarah might feel left out, but traditions are meant to be kept within the family. It's a tough situation for both of you.
The OP’s hesitation, even while admitting Sarah is trustworthy, is what makes this feel less like a simple no and more like a family identity thing.
Comment from u/starry_night_777
YTA - Exclusivity can be hurtful, and Sarah probably just wanted to feel included. You could find a compromise to include her in a different way.
Comment from u/gamer_gal_2000
NTA - Traditions are personal, and you have the right to keep them within your family circle. Sarah needs to understand and respect that.
When Sarah gets hurt that she can’t participate, the tradition stops being a harmless tradition and starts feeling personal for both of them.
Comment from u/throwaway_cupcake123
NAH - It's tricky to balance tradition and inclusivity. Maybe you could find a middle ground by involving Sarah in a different cooking activity.
What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.
The comments split the room, with u/potato_queen99 backing the exclusivity and u/coffee_addict_42 saying it’s a tough spot for Sarah too.
The Community's Divided Response
The reactions from the community reveal how deeply personal and subjective these traditions can be. Some readers empathize with the OP, understanding the importance of keeping family customs intact, while others argue that friendship deserves a place in these rituals. This divide speaks to a broader conversation about inclusion and exclusivity in social circles.
Interestingly, those defending the OP often cite the integrity of family traditions, suggesting that including friends could dilute their meaning. Conversely, those advocating for inclusivity point out that traditions can evolve without losing their significance. This ongoing debate highlights the moral grey area of belonging and the weight of nostalgia in our relationships, making it a relatable topic that sparks strong opinions.
Where Things Stand
This scenario really hits home for anyone who's ever faced a similar dilemma between family traditions and friendships.
The Bigger Picture
The 28-year-old woman in this story finds herself in a tough spot, caught between her long-standing family tradition and her desire to include her friend Sarah. Her hesitation to let Sarah join the Thanksgiving pie-baking tradition reflects a deep-seated loyalty to family rituals that have been exclusive for generations. While Sarah's enthusiasm for baking is commendable, the OP's reluctance to break from tradition highlights the emotional weight these customs hold, not just for her but for her family as well. This situation illustrates a common struggle many face: how to honor cherished traditions while also fostering inclusivity among friends.
The family dinner might be over, but the pie drama is still serving hot.
Wondering if you’re justified, read the fight over excluding a sister-in-law from sacred recipes.
