Should I Have Given My Brother-in-Law More Time to Pay Rent Before Asking Him to Leave?

A 28-year-old woman is asking whether she waited too long before telling her brother-in-law, Alex, to get out. It started as a “we’ll help you out” spare room deal after he lost his job, and for a while, it worked.

Then the rent started slipping. Alex paid at first, but months went by with excuses, while the couple covered his utilities and groceries to keep things afloat. When the pressure hit their finances, she sat Alex down, demanded a real plan, and set a deadline to either pay what he owed or move on.

That deadline came and went, and now the real fight is happening at home, not in the spare room.

Original Post

I (28F) have been married to my husband (30M) for three years. Recently, his younger brother, let's call him Alex, asked if he could rent our spare room after losing his job.

We agreed, wanting to help him out.

For the first few months, everything was fine. Alex paid rent on time and helped around the house.

But as time went on, he started falling behind on rent. When I asked him about it, he said he was struggling to find a new job and would catch up soon.

Months passed, and Alex still hadn't caught up.

Meanwhile, my husband and I were covering his share of utilities and groceries, which put a strain on our finances.

I sat down with Alex and told him he needed to find a solution because we couldn't keep supporting him financially.

He got defensive, saying he was doing his best, but his best wasn't cutting it.

I gave him a deadline to either pay what he owed or find a new place to stay. When the deadline came, he hadn't paid up.

So, I asked him to move out.

My husband thinks I was too harsh and should have given Alex more time. He's upset with me for kicking out his brother, especially during a tough time.

I understand his perspective, but I felt like we were being taken advantage of. AITA for asking my brother-in-law to move out?

Asking a family member to move out due to financial issues often brings up complex emotions related to obligation and support. Situations like these can lead to feelings of guilt or resentment, especially when familial roles and responsibilities are perceived as being violated.

Understanding the psychological implications of these dynamics is crucial for addressing them effectively. For many, the inability to support family members may trigger feelings of inadequacy or fear of being perceived as unloving.

Comment from u/gamer_gal9000

Comment from u/coffeeholic_87

The spare room arrangement sounded generous at first, but Alex’s “I’ll catch up soon” turned into months of missed rent.

While Alex struggled to find a job, OP and her husband kept paying his utilities and groceries, and the strain started to show.

The National Institutes of Health indicates that open communication about financial responsibilities can help reduce tension and anxiety.

Like the grieving SIL who bodyshamed her daughter, this “just give me time” excuse turned into a fight.

Comment from u/throwaway_dreamer

Comment from u/bluejay_forever

When OP confronted him and gave a deadline to pay up or leave, Alex got defensive, but the money still didn’t show up.

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Comment from u/sunnydays23

Now OP’s husband is upset that she kicked out his brother during a tough time, even though the deadline was clear and the arrears kept growing.

In this contentious scenario, the challenge of balancing family support with personal boundaries comes to the forefront.

Self-care often takes a backseat in family obligations, leading to emotional burnout.

Moreover, families should consider implementing regular check-ins to discuss feelings and financial obligations openly.

Nobody wants to be the only one paying when “family help” turns into free rent.

Want another boundary blow-up? See how she told her brother to stop babysitting after $100 a month.