Should I Have Waited? My Friend Was Late for the Train

In a world where time management can make or break a day, one Redditor finds themselves in a dilemma that many can relate to. The original poster (OP), a 17-year-old non-binary student, had planned a trip to London with two friends for a college outing.

The trio had agreed to meet at the train station by 8 AM to catch a crucial train, but when one friend, A, arrived late and unprepared, the situation took a turn. Desperate to stick to their schedule and avoid being late, OP and the other friend, B, made the difficult decision to board the train without A.

This choice left A feeling upset and stranded, and it raised an important question: Is OP in the wrong for prioritizing punctuality over friendship? As the discussion unfolds, commenters weigh in with diverse perspectives, some arguing that OP acted responsibly while others empathize with A's situation.

This thread invites readers to examine their own experiences with timeliness and accountability in friendships. Was OP right to stick to the plan, or should they have waited for A?

Join the conversation and share your thoughts!

Original Post

The other day I (17NB) had a trip into London for college, I had to make my own way there so I agreed with 2 of my friends (both 16F) in the same class that we would go together. We had to get 1 train and 2 tubes there, this was the route our teacher advised us to get.

The night before I checked the times for the first train and there was one at 8:15 (we had to be there at 9:40) so I told both my friends to arrive at 8 which they said was fine. The morning of the trip I was up early and so was Friend A - she was messaging me at 6 am to double check the train time, what we needed for the trip etc.

I walked to the train station and got there at 8, on my walk both my friends were messaging me asking if I was on my way. Friend A was on her way too and Friend B had been there since 7:45.

When I got to the train station only B was there, we waited a bit for A who said she was close but after a good few minutes she still hadn't arrived so I messaged her to just meet us on the platform. We got to the platform and the train was coming in a few minutes, we were both starting to panic as A wasn't here yet.

She finally messaged us that she was at the station but she had no money on her travel card and needed to top it up. As she was doing that our train arrived and I told her we were going to get on but she begged us to wait.

The next train wasn't for half an hour though and we would 100% be late if we took it especially as it was rush hour. B was feeling bad about going without her so I suggested she can wait for A while I get on the train but she was nervous about travelling alone so we got on together.

I told A we had got on the train and explained to her we're sorry but we want to be on time and she will just have to get the next train. She was really upset and I felt bad but it wasn't my fault that she was late, B and I were both on time - A was up early in the morning as well as I mentioned before, so unless some problem happened she didn't tell me about then she just left way too late.

She told me she had found a quicker route she would use but then shortly after told me she just wouldn't come on the trip because she felt worried about travelling alone and didn't want to get lost (fair). I feel awful that she had to miss the trip but both me and B hate being late and I think what she did is a bit disrespectful.

She's late to school/just barely on time a lot as well so this is isn't just a one off. AITA?

Time management is crucial for students, especially when group dynamics are involved. Dr. John Hattie, an education researcher, emphasizes that collaboration and punctuality are essential skills for young adults to develop. According to his research, students who learn to manage time effectively experience greater academic success and personal fulfillment.

He notes that establishing clear communication and accountability within a group can help prevent misunderstandings about schedules. This is particularly relevant for young people, who are often still developing these skills.

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Balancing Friendships and Priorities

In situations like this, relationship experts suggest maintaining open lines of communication. Dr. John Gottman, renowned for his work on relationships, emphasizes that discussing expectations beforehand can significantly reduce conflict. When friends know each other's time management styles, they can better accommodate one another.

By setting clear boundaries and expectations, such as agreeing to wait a specific amount of time before proceeding, friendships can thrive even in challenging scenarios.

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Dr. Carol Dweck, a leading researcher in motivation, suggests that people often feel pressured to conform to societal expectations regarding punctuality. In her studies, Dweck identifies that fostering a growth mindset allows individuals to navigate these pressures more effectively. Developing an understanding that both punctuality and flexibility hold value can enhance personal relationships.

This mindset not only aids in decision-making but also encourages individuals to be compassionate toward friends who struggle with time management.

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Future Improvements

To mitigate similar situations in the future, time management experts recommend developing a shared schedule for group outings. James Clear, a productivity author, emphasizes that using tools like a shared calendar can help everyone stay informed. By marking meeting times and deadlines, all members can visualize their commitments and responsibilities.

This practice not only reduces the chances of being late but also enhances accountability within the group, promoting better teamwork.

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The psychology of decision-making plays a critical role in dilemmas like these. Dr. Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist, explains that emotional factors often influence our choices, particularly in social contexts. In a time-sensitive scenario, the pressure to act quickly can override personal values, leading to a decision that might not align with one's morals.

Ariely's research highlights the importance of self-awareness and reflection, encouraging individuals to consider their values before making such decisions.

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Navigating Social Expectations

In social situations, the balance between personal needs and group dynamics can be tricky. Dr. Susan David, an emotional agility expert, points out that recognizing one’s emotions without judgment is crucial. This self-awareness allows individuals to navigate challenging scenarios without compromising their values or relationships.

By practicing emotional agility, individuals can respond to their friends' needs while also honoring their own priorities, fostering healthier and more supportive friendships.

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Dr. Linda Darling-Hammond, an education expert, emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence in collaborative settings. She suggests that building empathy and understanding among friends can lead to more effective communication. Fostering these skills can help individuals better navigate conflicts stemming from differing priorities, such as punctuality.

Her research shows that students who engage in empathy-building exercises perform better in group settings, leading to improved outcomes in both academic and personal relationships.

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What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Expert Opinion

In this scenario, the decision to prioritize punctuality over waiting for a friend reflects underlying motivations related to responsibility and social norms around time management. People often feel pressured to adhere to schedules, especially in group settings, which can lead to guilt or conflict when those expectations aren't met. This situation highlights how differing attitudes towards time can strain friendships, revealing deeper issues of accountability and respect within social dynamics.

Psychological Insights & Implications

In conclusion, navigating friendships and the expectations that come with them requires a delicate balance of communication, understanding, and self-awareness. Experts like Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Carol Dweck emphasize the importance of setting clear expectations and fostering a growth mindset. Implementing tools for better time management can also significantly improve group dynamics, ensuring that everyone feels valued and understood.

Ultimately, developing emotional intelligence and practicing open communication are essential for maintaining healthy relationships while managing personal priorities.