Should I Let My Best Friend's Son Submit Flawed Law Enforcement Academy Application?

Some people think helping your best friend’s kid is as simple as “print the form and hit send.” This story proves it is not. It started with a 30+ page law enforcement academy application, a missing scanner, and a whole lot of last-minute scrambling involving OP, OP’s husband, and the boy’s mom.

The application came back looking like it survived a tornado: pages out of order, missing previous addresses, a phone number that was basically unreadable, information scratched out crudely, and even the boy forgetting to put his name on the paperwork. On top of that, he had the email for a week and claimed he never got a notification.

Now OP is staring at fresh mistakes even after “everyone double-checked,” and the real question is whether staying quiet makes OP the bad guy, or just lets reality do its thing.

Original Post

My best friend's son is 20 and wants to join a law enforcement academy. Our families have been extremely close since long before his birth.

I love this boy with all my heart, but I (and other members of his family) don’t necessarily think this is the right type of work for him, but we have been supporting him. His family doesn’t have a scanner, and he has a huge (30+ pages) document to fill out and email in.

He sent it to me to print out for him, then he completed it and gave it to my husband last night to scan. The pages were out of order, several had missing information like previous addresses, his phone number was illegible, information entered in wrong places was crudely scratched out, and he even forgot to put his NAME on it.

(He was confused because it had a place for maiden name.) He has ADHD and has always had trouble in school with completing assignments, and his handwriting is very childlike and practically illegible. These are just two of the reasons why we feel this isn’t a good fit for him.

We also found out last night that he had the email for a week before he sent it to me for printing. He said he didn’t get a notification that he received it.

We got it back in order, and I started going through it, finding the errors. I called his mom and talked to her about it.

We reprinted the pages that needed to be redone; he picked them up after work, and she stood over him while he fixed it all. My husband scanned it today, emailed it to him, and copied me on it.

I verified with his mom that she had looked over everything and that I didn’t need to proofread it again. She said yes.

Problem: just glancing through, I still found errors, including the date on the signature page. I have opted not to say anything and let the chips fall where they may.

My husband agrees. Our thinking is: If he needs three other people to help APPLY for a position and still can’t get the paperwork right, it is on him.

The official email hasn’t gone out yet. WIBTA?

Adults with ADHD often face unique challenges when it comes to choosing and sustaining a career path.

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From a psychological perspective, motivation plays a crucial role in how individuals with ADHD perceive their abilities and make career choices. This belief is particularly significant for individuals with ADHD, as they often face unique challenges that can affect their self-esteem and decision-making process.

If the young man feels overwhelmed by the application process due to his ADHD, it may hinder his confidence and motivation. Such feelings of inadequacy can lead to a cycle of avoidance and procrastination, further complicating his journey toward achieving his career aspirations. Therefore, it is vital to address these feelings head-on.

Encouraging him to set small, manageable goals for completing the application could foster a sense of accomplishment and improve his self-perception, thus enhancing motivation. By breaking the process into smaller steps, he can gradually build confidence and develop a more positive outlook on his capabilities.

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OP and her husband spent the night scanning and re-emailing the corrected pages after the boy’s mom stood over him while he fixed everything.

The role of social support cannot be overstated in managing ADHD symptoms.

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However, it’s essential to strike a balance between providing support and fostering independence. Over-supportiveness can lead to learned helplessness, where individuals may feel incapable of taking initiative and become overly reliant on others. This phenomenon is particularly concerning in developmental contexts, as it can hinder personal growth and autonomy. It’s crucial to encourage self-sufficiency in young adults, promoting their ability to navigate challenges without excessive reliance on external assistance.

One effective strategy is the gradual withdrawal of assistance, which can help individuals develop their skills and confidence. By allowing him to tackle parts of the application independently, we not only empower him but also provide opportunities for problem-solving and decision-making. This approach fosters resilience and self-esteem while still ensuring that guidance is available when needed, creating an optimal environment for growth and learning.

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They even got confirmation from his mom that she looked everything over, so OP assumed she was done playing paperwork referee.

This is similar to the teen who called out their parents for lack of discipline toward younger siblings.

Proofreading is an integral part of the learning process, especially for individuals with ADHD, as it helps in identifying and correcting errors. This practice not only aids in catching mistakes but also fosters a deeper understanding of the material being reviewed. Encouraging the son to proofread his application can serve as a valuable learning experience, helping him refine his skills and better prepare for the meticulous nature of law enforcement work. By honing his proofreading abilities, he can develop a greater sense of responsibility and attention to detail, traits that are essential in any career, particularly in fields that require precision and accuracy.

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Deciding whether to proofread the application involves considering the individual’s readiness to learn and adapt. Understanding where he stands in terms of motivation can significantly guide this decision-making process. If he is currently in the contemplation stage, engaging him in a discussion about the importance of attention to detail in law enforcement might encourage him to appreciate the critical need for proofreading. This stage is crucial, as it allows him to weigh the pros and cons of his current approach.

On the other hand, if he’s ready to take action, providing structured feedback on his application can be immensely beneficial. Offering targeted suggestions can help him make the necessary adjustments to enhance his submission, ultimately leading to a stronger application. This proactive approach not only boosts his confidence but also reinforces the value of meticulousness in his future endeavors within the field of law enforcement.

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But then OP noticed errors again, including the signature page date, which means the application still might not be ready for the official email.

ADHD and Law Enforcement: A Complex Intersection

To support this young man’s journey, a structured approach can be beneficial in various ways. Immediate steps include setting up a meeting to discuss the application thoroughly and identifying specific areas where he may be facing difficulty. Short-term strategies could involve breaking the application into smaller, manageable sections, allowing him to concentrate on one part at a time over the next few weeks, which can significantly reduce overwhelm.

In the longer term, it may be advantageous to consider enrolling him in workshops that specifically enhance organizational skills or offer ADHD coaching. These resources can provide him with essential tools and strategies to effectively manage his symptoms while he diligently pursues his aspirations in law enforcement. With the right support and resources, he can build confidence and develop the skills necessary for success.

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We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

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Meanwhile, the boy’s family sees it as “he needs three other people and still can’t get it right,” and OP is stuck deciding whether to speak up before the deadline hits.

In navigating the dilemma of whether to proofread a law enforcement academy application for a friend's son, the balance between offering support and encouraging independence is crucial. While stepping in to help may seem like a straightforward act, it raises important questions about the young man's self-efficacy and readiness to tackle challenges on his own. The son's aspiration to join law enforcement reflects a significant career path that requires not only academic competence but also personal resilience. Supporting him in this phase could either empower him or inadvertently foster dependency, which could hinder his growth. Therefore, it is vital to consider how providing assistance now may shape his future independence and preparedness for a demanding profession like law enforcement. With appropriate support and understanding of his unique needs, he has the potential to thrive in this field, despite the challenges he may face.

If he submits it as-is, he might finally learn that love does not fix paperwork.

Before you decide his next step, see what happened when a neighbor returned borrowed tools damaged and refused to admit fault.