Should I Let My Obese Mom Watch My Baby - AITA For Saying No

Are you the "Asshole" for refusing your mom's request to watch your baby due to her weight? In a recent Reddit post, a soon-to-be mom shared her dilemma.

She expressed concerns about her morbidly obese mother's physical limitations and the potential risks to her baby's safety. Despite offering other opportunities for her mom to visit, the situation escalated when her mom insisted on being the primary childcare provider.

The mom-to-be ultimately confronted her mom about the weight-related challenges, leading to hurt feelings and family tension. Many Reddit users weighed in, sharing similar experiences and offering support.

Some empathized with the OP, highlighting the importance of prioritizing the baby's safety over potential hurt feelings. Others commended her honesty and urged her to stand firm in her decision.

Suggestions for finding alternative ways for the grandmother to bond with the baby were also shared, emphasizing open communication and setting realistic expectations. The thread sparked a debate on balancing family dynamics, personal boundaries, and childcare decisions.

It raised essential questions about addressing sensitive topics with loved ones and navigating challenging conversations for the well-being of all involved. As the discussion unfolds, it serves as a reminder of the complexities of familial relationships and the importance of making decisions grounded in safety and practicality.

Original Post

For backstory, I (33F) am pregnant with my first child. My husband (34M) and I live in a major city where most people don’t have cars or drive.

We walk basically everywhere (or take the subway). My mom, whom I love, (60F) is morbidly obese.

She’s always been "bigger," but in the past 10 years, she has gotten close to 400 lbs. She can’t walk 2 city blocks without sitting, can’t do any stairs, and can’t really fly unless she buys two seats.

She complains of pain whenever she has to carry things. We (my sisters and I) have encouraged her to go to a doctor.

The doctors and specialists all said her hormones are fine; it’s overeating, and she needs to lose weight for health reasons. My mom sneaks snacks and doesn’t eat healthily.

My husband and I live in a walk-up. I’m due in June, and my mom asked if she could come up and help with the baby for the first few weeks.

I said, of course, all help is always appreciated. Then she said that she would like my husband and me to have her as childcare for a few months instead of using daycare (which we are already enrolled in).

We told her we already have a daycare but appreciate the offer, and she can come visit anytime. My MIL is coming for a few weeks after my mom, and we told my mom she can come right after that again if she wants, and we can book her flight for her.

She kept insisting, saying she would be better than a "random childcare person." We told her babies are a ton of work and she can come visit, but we don’t expect her to watch the baby full-time. She told us we were making a major mistake by not taking her up on daycare.

She kept pushing it and said we’d regret not taking her up on her offer, and I finally told her I don’t want her watching the baby because of her weight—if there is an emergency, she can’t take the baby on a walk or even get the stroller out of the house. Our nursery is on the top floor, so I don’t think she could even get our baby up and down the stairs.

She started crying and said I hate her because she’s fat. I told her that’s not true, but I have to think about how she could help the baby in an emergency, and that’s my first concern.

I love my mom, but I don’t think she physically could handle taking our baby out or up stairs. Now she’s not speaking to me and told my sister I "am embarrassed of her." She also said I prefer my MIL because she’s thin (something I have never brought up, and we aren’t using my MIL as daycare).

I don’t think I was mean and wasn’t going to mention her weight until she pushed it, but now I think I’m the a*****e because my family is divided. So Reddit, AITA?

The Intersection of Safety and Comfort

Dr. Christine Miller, a developmental psychologist at Duke University, discusses the complexities of parenting in relation to family health concerns.

Research indicates that parental anxiety regarding health can significantly influence childcare decisions, particularly when it involves vulnerable family members.

According to studies published in the Journal of Family Psychology, parents often prioritize the health and safety of their children above all else, which can lead to difficult decisions.

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The decision to refuse childcare based on the mother's obesity highlights the intersection of health concerns and emotional attachment.

Psychologists note that feelings of guilt can arise from prioritizing a child's safety over familial bonds, creating internal conflict.

Addressing these feelings directly can help alleviate guilt and foster healthier family dynamics.

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Navigating Family Dynamics

Family dynamics can often complicate decisions surrounding childcare, particularly when health issues are involved.

Research from the American Psychological Association suggests that open communication about health concerns can lead to better understanding and less conflict among family members.

Engaging in these discussions can promote empathy and reinforce family ties.

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Furthermore, exploring feelings of shame or stigma surrounding obesity can be beneficial in these discussions.

Psychologists emphasize that addressing these emotions can lead to a more compassionate family environment.

This approach can help reduce the perceived stigma and promote healthier relationships.

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The Importance of Setting Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries regarding childcare can help navigate complex family situations.

Therapists often recommend having explicit conversations about expectations and concerns to avoid misunderstandings.

Creating a foundation of mutual respect can enhance family interactions and promote a supportive atmosphere.

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Additionally, seeking family therapy can provide a structured environment to explore these dynamics.

Research suggests that families who engage in therapeutic settings report improved communication and emotional bonding.

Therapists can guide families through difficult conversations, leading to healthier outcomes.

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We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Psychological Analysis

This scenario highlights the challenges of balancing familial responsibilities with health concerns.

It's crucial for family members to engage in open discussions about their feelings and priorities to foster a supportive family environment.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, navigating the complexities of family health dynamics requires open communication and empathy.

By addressing health concerns directly and establishing clear boundaries, families can foster a supportive and understanding environment.

Ultimately, seeking professional guidance can help families navigate these challenges and strengthen their bonds.