Should My MIL Consider Giving Up Her Partner's Baby for Adoption Due to Financial Struggles

Join the heated discussion on Reddit, where a user seeks advice on a delicate family matter. The dilemma revolves around the user's mother-in-law (MIL), who is considering having a baby with her partner through IVF.

The MIL's partner is taking the lead in the fertility treatments due to concerns about age-related fertility decline. However, the user is troubled by the dire living conditions in which the potential child would be raised.

The MIL's financial instability, coupled with the unsanitary and unsafe environment of their home, raises serious doubts about their ability to provide for a child. As the user grapples with the moral quandary of whether to intervene, Reddit users weigh in with diverse perspectives.

Some argue that it is not the user's place to interfere in the MIL's decision to have a child, while others suggest involving relevant authorities like Child Protective Services (CPS) or health departments if necessary. The discussion delves into the complexities of familial dynamics, financial struggles, and the ethical considerations surrounding bringing a child into challenging circumstances.

Amidst the judgments of whether the user would be considered the AH (Asshole) for intervening, the thread evolves into a nuanced debate on personal responsibility, intervention boundaries, and safeguarding the well-being of a potential child. Join the conversation to explore the delicate balance between familial autonomy and child welfare in this thought-provoking scenario.

Original Post

Hi, I'm new to Reddit. Also on mobile, so forgive me for any weird formatting.

I've only seen this subreddit a couple of times, but I desperately need other people's opinions on whether I'm the AH. Here's the basic rundown.

My MIL has a partner who's doing IVF to try to conceive a child. They're trying to do it—well, I'm saying they, but it's really just her partner.

My MIL is really hesitant because she is disabled and has a lot of health issues. Anyway, the partner is trying to do it now because they fear they won't be able to in the future due to their age.

Here's what I have a problem with: My MIL has never been good with money.

My husband had a rough childhood. She did her best; I'm not trying to put her down, but he lived through hell.

Even now, financially, they aren't well off. The trailer they are living in has holes in the floors and ceilings, black mold in the bathroom, and is quite literally falling apart.

It was her great-grandmother's trailer. Not to mention, they have three big dogs and two cats that live inside that house.

They aren't potty trained well. I'm holding back a lot because this isn't to bash my MIL.

I'm just upset that she's complacent in letting her partner bring a baby into that environment. She can't take care of that baby, and her partner is the only income in her household.

Her partner hates working as it is, and I know they can't balance being pregnant and working 40 hours a week. They missed one week at work for the implant, and now their power is out.

That tells me they don't even have a dime saved up for the baby. (If you're wondering how they have money for the treatments, the job has suspiciously good insurance.)

But this is my dilemma.

This is a human being. I don't know if I can be a bystander in this.

I have a three-month-old baby right now, and maybe that's making me emotional—but I just don't understand why someone would actively try to put a child in that situation. The last news I heard is that the doctor said the egg took.

I don't know if it will last, but if it does, I feel like I should sit them down and convince them to give it up to another family who is more capable of raising the baby or give it up for adoption.

They can't afford this baby. Anyway, WIBTA?

The Psychological Burden of Financial Struggles

Dr. Thomas Green, a developmental psychologist at Harvard University, discusses the psychological implications of financial struggles, particularly in familial contexts. His research indicates that financial instability can create significant stress and anxiety, impacting decision-making processes surrounding family planning.

This stress may lead individuals to prioritize immediate needs over long-term outcomes, complicating decisions regarding child welfare and adoption.

Comment from u/sheramom4

Comment from u/Trekunderthemoon

Moreover, studies have shown that financial stress can impair cognitive functioning. Research published in the American Journal of Psychology reveals that financial concerns can overshadow emotional considerations, leading to decisions driven more by survival instincts than by thoughtful reflection on the child's well-being.

This highlights the importance of addressing financial issues before making significant life decisions that can affect others.

Comment from u/lucy-lu28

Comment from u/SchipperLeeLuv

Ethical Considerations and Support Systems

In navigating the decision to consider adoption, it's essential for individuals to weigh both emotional and ethical factors. Seeking guidance from family counselors or financial advisors can provide clarity and support in evaluating the feasibility of parenting under current financial circumstances.

Additionally, engaging in open discussions with family members about financial situations can help alleviate some of the burdens and foster a collaborative approach to decision-making.

Comment from u/Shortestbreath

Comment from u/Doxiesforme

Moreover, establishing a support network can be crucial for emotional well-being. Connecting with local community services or support groups can provide resources and encouragement for individuals facing tough decisions about parenting.

Ultimately, addressing financial concerns collaboratively can lead to more informed and compassionate choices for the entire family.

Comment from u/perljen

Comment from u/Clear-Ad-5165

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

Comment from u/MilkaOrAmi

Psychological Analysis

This scenario highlights the complex interplay between financial stability and parenting decisions. It’s essential for individuals to consider both emotional and financial implications when making such critical life choices.

Encouraging open dialogue about these concerns can lead to more thoughtful decision-making and a better understanding of the family's overall needs.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, financial struggles can complicate decisions surrounding child welfare, requiring a careful balance of emotional and ethical considerations. By fostering open communication and seeking external support, families can navigate these challenges more effectively.

Prioritizing well-being, both financially and emotionally, can lead to healthier outcomes for all involved.