Should My MIL Consider Giving Up Her Partner's Baby for Adoption Due to Financial Struggles

A 28-year-old woman isn’t just worried about her MIL’s IVF plans, she’s freaking out about what those plans mean for a baby who could land in a house that sounds one bad rainstorm away from disaster.

Here’s the mess: her MIL’s partner is the one doing IVF, pushing now because of age and time pressure, while MIL is disabled with health issues and clearly already struggling to keep up. They live in a trailer with holes in the floors and ceilings, black mold in the bathroom, and pets everywhere, plus the partner misses work for medical steps, and the lights go out afterward. OP is staring at the math and wondering how a baby fits into a situation where money, stability, and basic care already look shaky.

And with OP holding a three-month-old of her own, that “just let it happen” attitude is starting to feel impossible to ignore.

Original Post

Hi, I'm new to Reddit. Also on mobile, so forgive me for any weird formatting.

I've only seen this subreddit a couple of times, but I desperately need other people's opinions on whether I'm the AH. Here's the basic rundown.

My MIL has a partner who's doing IVF to try to conceive a child. They're trying to do it—well, I'm saying they, but it's really just her partner.

My MIL is really hesitant because she is disabled and has a lot of health issues. Anyway, the partner is trying to do it now because they fear they won't be able to in the future due to their age.

Here's what I have a problem with: My MIL has never been good with money.

My husband had a rough childhood. She did her best; I'm not trying to put her down, but he lived through hell.

Even now, financially, they aren't well off. The trailer they are living in has holes in the floors and ceilings, black mold in the bathroom, and is quite literally falling apart.

It was her great-grandmother's trailer. Not to mention, they have three big dogs and two cats that live inside that house.

They aren't potty trained well. I'm holding back a lot because this isn't to bash my MIL.

I'm just upset that she's complacent in letting her partner bring a baby into that environment. She can't take care of that baby, and her partner is the only income in her household.

Her partner hates working as it is, and I know they can't balance being pregnant and working 40 hours a week. They missed one week at work for the implant, and now their power is out.

That tells me they don't even have a dime saved up for the baby. (If you're wondering how they have money for the treatments, the job has suspiciously good insurance.)

But this is my dilemma.

This is a human being. I don't know if I can be a bystander in this.

I have a three-month-old baby right now, and maybe that's making me emotional—but I just don't understand why someone would actively try to put a child in that situation. The last news I heard is that the doctor said the egg took.

I don't know if it will last, but if it does, I feel like I should sit them down and convince them to give it up to another family who is more capable of raising the baby or give it up for adoption.

They can't afford this baby. Anyway, WIBTA?

The emotional weight of financial struggles is a critical factor in the dilemma faced by the user's mother-in-law regarding the potential adoption of her partner's baby. The user's mother-in-law is contemplating the future of a child in light of her current financial situation, which may lead her to prioritize immediate concerns over the profound implications of her choices.

This internal conflict illustrates how financial stress can influence not only personal decision-making but also the welfare of a child. The decision to consider adoption as a solution reflects a complex interplay between financial realities and the emotional responsibilities of parenthood.

Comment from u/sheramom4

Comment from u/Trekunderthemoon

OP is trying not to bash her MIL, but the trailer details, the mold, and the untrained pets make it hard to see this as anything other than a preventable risk.

Moreover, studies have shown that financial stress can impair cognitive functioning. Research published in the American Journal of Psychology reveals that financial concerns can overshadow emotional considerations, leading to decisions driven more by survival instincts than by thoughtful reflection on the child's well-being.

This highlights the importance of addressing financial issues before making significant life decisions that can affect others.

Comment from u/lucy-lu28

Comment from u/SchipperLeeLuv

The IVF timeline is the real pressure cooker, since the partner is pushing to conceive now because they think they won’t be able to later due to age.

This is similar to the woman who had her neighbor’s car towed from her assigned spot, even after he was warned.

Ethical Considerations and Support Systems

In navigating the decision to consider adoption, it's essential for individuals to weigh both emotional and ethical factors. Seeking guidance from family counselors or financial advisors can provide clarity and support in evaluating the feasibility of parenting under current financial circumstances.

Additionally, engaging in open discussions with family members about financial situations can help alleviate some of the burdens and foster a collaborative approach to decision-making.

Comment from u/Shortestbreath

Comment from u/Doxiesforme

After the implant-related missed week and the power being out, OP connects the dots and assumes there’s basically no cushion for diapers, formula, or even keeping the home livable.

Moreover, establishing a support network can be crucial for emotional well-being. Connecting with local community services or support groups can provide resources and encouragement for individuals facing tough decisions about parenting.

Ultimately, addressing financial concerns collaboratively can lead to more informed and compassionate choices for the entire family.

Comment from u/perljen

Comment from u/Clear-Ad-5165

OP’s husband’s rough childhood and her own three-month-old baby turn this from a theoretical debate into a “can I really stay quiet?” problem in her family.

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

Comment from u/MilkaOrAmi

In this emotionally charged situation, financial struggles are at the forefront of the decision-making process regarding the potential adoption of a baby. The user's mother-in-law must weigh her desire to have a child against the realities of her financial limitations. The article highlights that the partner's proactive approach to fertility treatments may not align with the financial stability required for raising a child.

Open communication within the family about these financial and emotional pressures is essential. Navigating such a complex issue demands transparency and support from all parties involved, ensuring that the well-being of the child remains the top priority. Ultimately, a focus on both financial and emotional health could determine the best path forward for the family, potentially leading to more favorable outcomes for everyone involved.

OP isn’t just judging a financial situation, she’s wondering if a baby is about to be born into the same kind of chaos her husband survived.

Want another family flashpoint, read about the mom’s strict dinner rules that sparked a full etiquette showdown.