Should I Re-Home My Friend's Cat For Her Own Good

A 28-year-old woman refused to answer direct questions about her outdoor cat, and it spiraled fast. In this Reddit post, a 35-year-old man, his 32-year-old boyfriend, and their neighbor watched “Talia” show up at their door like she was in trouble, cold, loud, and desperate.

The complication is messy and very specific: Talia is an outdoor cat with allergies and dietary restrictions, her owner lives 1.5 hours away in a place that is “unfriendly” to outdoor cats, and the neighbor who tried to help works long hours with two other outdoor cats. When the boyfriend spotted drooling and retching, the story stopped being “maybe she’s depressed” and started looking like “something is seriously off.”

And then they realized the neighbor was feeding her the wrong kind of food, because the friend never fully explained the allergies.

Original Post

Hi! I (35M) and my boyfriend (32M) are considering taking our friend’s (28F) cat to a non-kill shelter to re-home the cat.

Some background information: my friend and her fiancé live an hour and a half away from us in a place that is unfriendly to outdoor cats. Their cat, “Talia” (10F), is an outdoor cat.

They tried keeping her as an indoor cat, but they say that she became depressed from being inside, so they temporarily re-homed her to our neighbor (who is also our friend). The neighbor (35F) has two outdoor cats and works long hours.

So this is what happened recently. A few days ago, Talia ran up to me and my boyfriend when we came home and started meowing desperately in a sad tone.

We stayed with her for a little while and gave her some water. Then she stayed outside our door in the cold for about four hours.

We came out to pet her more and gave her a blanket, but we couldn’t take her inside since we recently adopted an anxious dog. I sent some messages about Talia to my friend, but she avoided answering directly.

I asked her about Talia’s dietary restrictions and what type of food she eats since I know she can’t eat red meat products. My friend confirmed the allergies but didn’t specify what she buys for Talia.

I understand that it’s her subtle way of telling me to mind my business, but it’s hard to do that when Talia is literally right outside my door. The next morning, my boyfriend observed Talia drooling excessively and exhibiting some retching.

That same day, we talked with our neighbor, and she confirmed some of our worries since she had also observed some strange behavior from Talia. We shared our experiences and started to suspect that Talia may be depressed for other reasons.

We also found out that our neighbor wasn’t informed that Talia has allergies, only that she has some restrictions concerning pork, so she fed Talia beef-based foods. Our neighbor also told us that my friend and her fiancé came over to check up on Talia once, but they left very quickly.

Our neighbor mentioned that my friend was considering re-homing Talia to another friend if our neighbor decided against keeping her. We concluded that it would be best for Talia to be re-homed through a no-kill shelter in our town.

We used the same shelter to adopt our dog, and we have been very satisfied with them. Our neighbor could foster Talia until the shelter finds a suitable family that can accommodate Talia’s needs.

I am afraid that my friend and her fiancé won’t agree to the re-homing idea since it implies doing it through a shelter and giving Talia to an unknown family. Talia is chipped, so the shelter has to reach out to my friend before re-homing her.

So we will be essentially forcing our friends’ hand. Our neighbor will try to talk with our friends this week and pitch them our idea, but it is tempting to reach out to the shelter as soon as possible.

Would I be the asshole if I reached out to the shelter before our neighbor talks to our friend?

The dilemma of whether to re-home a friend's cat brings to light the deep emotional ties people forge with their pets. The original poster grapples with feelings of responsibility for the cat's well-being, a sentiment that can often cloud judgment in critical situations. This emotional attachment, while rooted in love, may blind individuals to the actual needs of the animal, making the decision to re-home even more complex. In instances of neglect, these feelings can hinder the ability to assess the situation objectively, raising the stakes for both the pet and the owner. Ultimately, the OP's challenge is not just about the cat's immediate needs, but also about balancing compassion with practicality.

Comment from u/Aggravating-Pain9249

Comment from u/MillieIrresistiblee

The moment Talia started meowing at OP and his boyfriend and then sat outside their door for four hours in the cold, nobody could pretend it was normal cat behavior anymore.

Additionally, research in the field of animal welfare psychology shows that individuals often struggle with guilt when considering re-homing a pet. A study published in the Journal of Applied Animal Welfare Science found that feelings of guilt can lead to inaction, resulting in prolonged suffering for both the pet and the owner.

This highlights the necessity of addressing emotional responses directly in order to facilitate healthier decisions for all parties involved.

Comment from u/DistinctNewspaper791

Comment from u/midcen-mod1018

OP tried to get straight answers about Talia’s food, but the friend kept dodging, even while OP was watching the cat right outside his place.

This is the same kind of office tension as the coworker who got confronted for stealing lunches.

Practical Considerations for Re-Homing

When faced with the decision to re-home a pet, it’s crucial to approach the situation with clarity and compassion. Engaging in honest self-reflection about one's capacity to care for the animal is the first step. Writing down the reasons for considering re-homing can help clarify emotions and motivations.

Moreover, seeking advice from animal behaviorists or veterinarians can provide additional perspectives and alleviate feelings of guilt or shame. Joining support groups for pet owners can also offer valuable resources and emotional support during this difficult time.

Comment from u/Moki_Canyon

Comment from u/LordGhoul

The next morning, the boyfriend noticed drooling and retching, and suddenly their earlier “depressed cat” theory started to feel way too convenient.

Finally, it’s essential to consider the potential outcomes for the pet involved.

Comment from u/AikaNemo

Comment from u/TapeFlip187

When the neighbor revealed she wasn’t told about Talia’s allergies and had been feeding beef-based foods, everything clicked into place, and the re-homing idea stopped sounding petty.

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Comment from u/Spare_Ad5009

In the dilemma surrounding the potential re-homing of a friend's cat, the emotional and ethical complexities cannot be underestimated. The original poster is faced with a significant decision that weighs heavily on the heart. It is essential for those involved to engage in deep self-reflection, as this will help clarify their motivations and the implications for the feline's future.

Moreover, fostering an open and supportive dialogue about the situation can pave the way for more thoughtful resolutions. This approach not only considers the well-being of the cat but also addresses the emotional needs of the owner, ultimately leading to healthier outcomes for everyone involved.

Nobody wants to keep someone else’s cat alive by guessing, especially when Talia is already showing signs something is wrong.

Before you make the hard call about Talia, read how one roommate handled rent pressure by hiding it.