Should I Stop Being My Friends Wingman at Work Events?

A 28-year-old woman thought she was being a good friend when her coworker-friend, Sarah, asked her to be a “wingman” at work events. Turns out, that hangout plan quickly turned into an unpaid networking job, minus the networking part for her.

Sarah’s new workplace has colleagues who go to events together, and she wanted OP there to help her feel comfortable. At first, OP was happy to support her, but soon she was driving conversations, introducing Sarah to everyone, and covering for her when things went sideways, like arriving late or forgetting people’s names.

Now OP is stuck wondering if she’s the problem for wanting her own social time, not just Sarah’s plus-one.

Original Post

I (28F) have a close friend, let's call her Sarah (29F), who recently got a new job at a company where her colleagues often attend work events together. Sarah asked me to come along as her 'wingman' to help her socialize and feel more comfortable at these events.

Initially, I was happy to support her and be there for moral support. However, as these events became more frequent, I started feeling like I was being used as a crutch.

I ended up driving the conversations, introducing her to everyone, and ensuring she felt included. It felt like I was doing all the work while she reaped the benefits.

For context, I work remotely and don't have the opportunity to network in person like Sarah does. So these events became my main social outings too, not just about supporting her.

The breaking point came when Sarah expected me to cover for her mistakes, like arriving late or forgetting people's names. I felt like I was being taken advantage of and it was affecting my enjoyment of these events.

I want to have my own interactions and not just be Sarah's sidekick. I brought up my feelings with Sarah, expressing that I wanted to attend the events independently and have my own conversations.

She seemed hurt, saying I was being unsupportive and ungrateful for everything she's done for me. I value our friendship, but I also want to establish my own connections.

So, AITA for not wanting to be my friend's 'wingman' at work events? I need some perspective on this.

The Weight of Friendship

This situation really highlights the emotional labor that often goes unnoticed in friendships, especially in professional settings.

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That “just be there for moral support” plan flipped the moment OP started doing the introductions and keeping the conversations going at Sarah’s company events.

The OP's struggle to set boundaries with Sarah taps into a larger conversation about social expectations in workplace environments. Many people feel pressured to support their friends at work, fearing that saying no might jeopardize their relationship or even their professional standing. In this case, Sarah’s reliance on the OP to navigate work events suggests a lack of confidence that can be frustrating for both parties.

Readers likely resonated with the OP’s dilemma because it’s relatable. Who hasn’t felt stretched thin by a friend’s expectations?

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The real tension hit when Sarah expected OP to cover for her mistakes, like showing up late or blanking on names, right in front of coworkers.

This is similar to the AITA about refusing to lend money during a friend’s financial crisis.

This story raises interesting questions about accountability in friendships. At what point does supporting a friend turn into enabling? The OP’s realization that she was more of a crutch than a companion is significant. It puts the onus on Sarah to develop her own social skills, which is a crucial part of adulthood.

The community’s divided reactions show that people have strong opinions on this. Some advocate for unconditional support, while others argue that personal boundaries should never be sacrificed for anyone else’s comfort. It’s a reminder that friendships, especially in professional spaces, require ongoing negotiation of needs and expectations.

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After OP finally spoke up and said she wanted to attend independently, Sarah didn’t just disagree, she called OP unsupportive and ungrateful.

The Fear of Letting Go

What’s particularly striking about this story is the OP’s fear of stepping back from the wingman role. It illustrates a common concern that saying no might lead to disappointment or conflict. The OP seems torn between wanting to be there for Sarah and the nagging feeling of being taken advantage of. This internal conflict resonates with many who fear that setting boundaries might ruin a friendship, especially in the work environment.

This fear can often lead to resentment, as seen in the OP’s feelings. It’s a delicate balance—while it’s commendable to support friends, it’s crucial to ensure that support doesn’t come at the cost of one’s own happiness and social needs. This tension is what makes the topic so relatable and complex.

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And now OP is trying to figure out how to keep the friendship, while also not becoming Sarah’s permanent sidekick at every work function.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

What It Comes Down To

This story serves as a poignant reminder that friendships, especially in professional settings, can become complicated when boundaries are unclear. The OP’s struggle to balance her needs with those of her friend sparks a larger discussion about accountability, support, and the often unspoken social contracts we navigate. How do you manage the push and pull of being a supportive friend while also ensuring your own social life isn’t sidelined? Share your experiences and thoughts!

In this story, the OP’s frustration stems from feeling more like a crutch for Sarah than a true friend. Initially excited to support Sarah in her new job, the OP found herself doing all the heavy lifting at social events, which ultimately overshadowed her own networking goals. When Sarah started expecting her to cover for mistakes, it crossed a line, highlighting how easily friendship dynamics can shift into one-sided obligations, especially in work-related contexts. This situation showcases the challenge of balancing support with personal needs, a struggle many can likely relate to.

OP might not be “unsupportive,” she might just be done paying the social price for someone else’s new-job comfort.

Before you set anyone up again, read why refusing to set up a blind date for my friend blew up.