Should I Stop Paying My Ex-Girlfriend After Breakup? WIBTAH?

In a recent Reddit post, a user shared a dilemma they are facing after their girlfriend of three years broke up with them. The post reveals that the user has been financially supporting their ex-girlfriend for the past two years, paying her 56% of their salary for household chores.

However, the situation took a turn when the girlfriend got a job and decided to end the arrangement. The user agreed to stop the payments but now wonders if they would be in the wrong to immediately cut off the financial support, especially since the ex-girlfriend is still staying in their apartment rent-free for the next three months.

The post sparked a lively discussion in the comments section, with users weighing in on whether the user should continue paying their ex-girlfriend and providing free accommodation. Some commentators expressed disbelief at the situation, questioning the user's decisions and offering advice on how to handle the breakup and financial matters.

Others debated the dynamics of the relationship and the responsibilities involved. As the conversation unfolds, opinions vary on whether the user is being taken advantage of or if they are justified in ceasing the financial support.

The post raises intriguing questions about financial dynamics in relationships and the complexities of post-breakup arrangements.

Original Post

Context: Three-year relationship. For the last two years or so, I have been paying her 56% of my salary for her to do groceries, cook, clean the house, do the laundry, and wash the dishes.

She got a job about two weeks ago and told me she didn’t want to do all the housework anymore. I said it was fine but that I wouldn’t pay her a salary anymore.

I said I wouldn’t make her pay any bills, but that I just wouldn’t pay her any more money since she was no longer “working” for me. She said it was okay, and I even agreed to pay her for two more months nonetheless.

As a side note, I’ve been living four hours away from our apartment for the last three months and will continue to do so for the next three months. During this time, we’ve been seeing each other, on average, five days a month.

So this weekend, I drove home, and just a few hours ago, before driving back to my current residence, she broke up with me. I agreed to let her stay at my apartment (it is my parents’ property; we pay no rent) for the next three months while she looks for a place to live.

But now that I think of it, we didn’t discuss the matter of the salary I’ve been paying her. I could really use the money I’ve been paying her, but I wonder if it would be too inconsiderate of me to flat out stop paying her and not wait for her to move out beforehand.

** Edit ** Thank you all for your insights. As of now, I have let her know I will not be sending her any more money, but I haven’t changed the time period she is allowed to stay rent-free.

I see now that most of you think I am crazy and a s**p, but honestly, I kind of see her as a dependent of mine even though she has broken up with me. I am genuinely worried that she might not be able to make it on her own since she has never been independent, and it feels like she has taken a rash decision guided by feelings instead of being well thought out.

Believe me, she has no money saved; she has nothing but debt, and I sincerely hope she is able to pull through. I have absolutely no intentions of having her back or of changing her mind in any way.

I just kind of see her as a parent whose child is trying to be independent without the right toolset. Anyway, I’ll keep you posted, and thank you all.

*** Edit #2 for clarification *** It seems I didn’t word this correctly. She was my girlfriend for the last three years, and we had been living together all that time up until three months ago when I was relocated temporarily for a set lapse of six months total.

We were engaged and had an otherwise normal and loving relationship. We slept together daily, had quality time together whenever I was off work, and had sex frequently.

Also, for context, I am a 31-year-old male, and she is a 27-year-old female.

*** Edit #3 *** Breakup reason: She stated that I am an emotionally unavailable person and that she feels she cannot rely on me for emotional support. Before I could even offer a way to work it out, she said that, in fact, me being a lot more logical, down-to-earth, and solution-oriented than her was something she liked.

Then she offered an open relationship, which felt to be out of the blue. I told her that she would have never offered that to me before and that it was a clear sign that she was already over me and was just looking for a way to smooth out the breakup.

I said I wouldn’t take an open relationship and that we should break up instead. To be honest, her offering an open relationship to me really broke my heart.

It was clear that she harbored no more respect or love for me. More so because she had always been the jealous and possessive type, it seemed very out of character for her to offer an open relationship.

Exploring Financial Responsibilities After a Breakup

Dr. Karen Lewis, a financial psychologist, emphasizes that financial responsibilities often become contentious after a breakup.

In this case, the OP's dilemma about continuing to pay his ex-girlfriend may reflect deeper issues of guilt and obligation.

Research indicates that emotional ties often complicate financial decisions post-relationship.

Comment from u/TTIsurvivors

Comment from u/Shrimps_Prawnson

Studies show that individuals frequently struggle with feelings of loyalty and obligation toward former partners, especially when financial support is involved.

In this scenario, the OP's concerns may stem from a desire to maintain an emotional connection, which can lead to confusion about boundaries.

Understanding these dynamics is crucial for making informed decisions about financial support.

Comment from u/LanaTeaseMe

Comment from u/Willowshep

The Psychology of Financial Independence

According to research published in the Journal of Economic Psychology, financial independence is often linked to personal empowerment and emotional health.

In this case, the OP may benefit from reflecting on how his financial support impacts both his and his ex's emotional well-being.

Establishing boundaries can help both parties navigate their new realities post-breakup.

Comment from u/loaluh

Comment from u/cthulularoo

A practical approach might involve creating a clear financial plan that outlines the terms of support and timelines.

Engaging in open discussions about expectations can help mitigate feelings of resentment or guilt.

Additionally, exploring individual counseling can help both parties process their emotions surrounding the breakup.

Comment from u/marcaygol

Comment from u/Poperama74

Addressing Emotional Needs After a Relationship Ends

Dr. John Smith, a relationship expert, notes that emotional needs often remain after a breakup, complicating financial decisions.

Research suggests that individuals frequently struggle to let go of emotional ties, which can lead to confusion about obligations.

Open dialogue about feelings can facilitate healthier post-breakup dynamics.

Comment from u/Beginning-Raccoon-50

Comment from u/Konezz

It's also essential for both parties to prioritize their emotional well-being by setting boundaries around financial interactions.

Understanding when financial support becomes a source of emotional conflict can empower individuals to make healthier choices.

Ultimately, focusing on personal growth can lead to more fulfilling futures.

Comment from u/Otherwise-Valuable-6

Comment from u/Akira_is_coming7777

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Comment from u/ERVetSurgeon

Comment from u/Lordbazingtion

Comment from u/Quiet-Hamster6509

Comment from u/Hungry-Afternoon7987

Comment from u/rangebob

Comment from u/CoolHandLuke-1

Comment from u/AngryPanda_79

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the difficulties of managing financial obligations after a breakup.

It's essential for both parties to engage in open discussions to clarify expectations and emotional needs.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Navigating financial responsibilities post-breakup can be complex and often requires addressing emotional ties.

Research consistently shows that open communication and boundary-setting are crucial for fostering healthy post-relationship interactions.

Ultimately, prioritizing emotional well-being can lead to more satisfying and independent futures.