Should I Trust My Mom After Childhood Incident?

It started with a simple car problem, but it dragged up a memory from when OP was 11 or 12, and it never really left. One day, their mom suddenly packed a bag, walked out, and nobody explained a thing. OP’s older sister even told them to stop it, like this was a real emergency they could fix with enough begging.

That night, OP cried and pleaded while their mom ignored them. The next day, she returned like nothing happened, and their dad and siblings acted like it was all normal. OP, the only one still stuck on it, learned the hard way that speaking up could trigger a disaster, so they avoided arguments and swallowed what they felt.

Now the same fear shows up again, because when OP borrowed mom’s car and it wouldn’t start, the real fight was not about the engine, it was about who OP called.

Original Post

Background information is needed for this to be understandable. When I was a kid (I think I was 11 or 12 at the time), my parents rarely got into fights, and when they did, they were resolved within a few hours, except for one time.

I don't know what they were arguing about, but at some point, my older sister (I am the second oldest child out of four total) came into my room and told me our mom was leaving and that I needed to convince her not to. I don't think I need to explain that, for a kid, being told your mom is leaving out of nowhere causes some panic.

I probably stood by her for 20 minutes, crying and begging her to stay while she packed a bag and ignored my presence. Then she left.

My dad went after her, but she left anyway. The next day, she came back like nothing ever happened.

No one ever talked about it. My dad and siblings acted like nothing happened, too.

I was the only one who didn't. I didn't talk to her for days.

Ever since then, that's been at the back of my mind all the time. Anytime I spoke to her, the thought that she could and would just up and leave without there being anything I could do was always there.

So I entirely avoided negative conversations and arguments. A lot of the time, when she got mad at me for something, I just said nothing because, in my mind, it was better than saying what she deemed the wrong thing and having her leave.

Because of this, I haven't been close with her. I can't talk to her like I would with my dad.

Now, the actual situation that this came up in was that I borrowed her car for a few days, and one morning it didn't turn on. I called my dad about it; the details aren't exactly relevant, I think, but eventually, she found out and got upset that I called Dad instead of her.

An argument ensued, which went like they usually do, until she said, "You're my son, and it's like you're constantly afraid to tell me anything," to which I just responded that I am. I told her that I'm always thinking about that day she left.

She didn't say anything and just left. And now that I'm writing it out, it sounds incredibly ironic.

Now my siblings and dad are saying I'm in the wrong because I shouldn't have brought it up at all. I know my mom thinks I'm an a*****e (I'm pretty sure she's always thought that, though).

Now I'm wondering if I should've just kept my mouth shut to keep the peace.

Childhood Trauma and Trust Issues

Childhood experiences significantly shape our ability to trust others, often dictating how we form relationships throughout our lives.

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Comment from u/Reasonable_Cookie206

That childhood “mom is leaving” moment is the reason OP treats every disagreement like it could end in another vanishing act.

The effects of childhood trauma can linger for years, influencing how we relate to family members.

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When one member expresses feelings of mistrust, it can create tension and defensiveness among others, leading to a breakdown in communication and connection. This cycle can be detrimental, as it often results in misunderstandings and further alienation within the family unit. Acknowledging these patterns is the first vital step in breaking the cycle of dysfunction.

By identifying and discussing these dynamics openly, families can work toward more supportive interactions. This process allows for the expression of emotions in a safe environment, fostering understanding and empathy. As families engage in this transformative dialogue, they create opportunities for healing and rebuilding trust over time, ultimately leading to healthier relationships and a more harmonious family life.

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So when the borrowed car wouldn’t turn on and OP called their dad instead of their mom, it hit the old wound instantly.

Establishing boundaries is an essential step in healing from childhood trauma.

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Practical Steps Toward Healing

Journaling can be an incredibly useful tool for processing feelings related to trust issues and past trauma. Engaging in the act of writing helps individuals clarify their emotions and gain a deeper understanding of their triggers. By maintaining a daily journal, individuals can reflect on their interactions with family members and track their emotional responses over time, which can lead to valuable insights about their relationships.

This practice not only promotes self-awareness but can also provide insights that facilitate more constructive conversations with loved ones. By articulating thoughts on paper, individuals can better prepare for discussions that may otherwise feel overwhelming. Consider setting aside dedicated time each week to review your entries, allowing yourself to identify patterns and recurring themes in your emotional responses. This reflection can be transformative, fostering personal growth and improving communication with those who matter most.

This debate echoes the two friends fighting over whether video game characters are siblings or dating.

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Comment from u/Individual_Metal_983

The argument spiraled fast, not because of the car details, but because mom got upset about being left out of the loop.

Ultimately, acknowledging the impact of childhood experiences is crucial in moving forward, as these formative years shape our perceptions and relationships throughout life. Developing self-awareness about these influences can empower individuals to initiate healing and personal growth. For those struggling with trust issues, a structured approach can be beneficial in addressing these deep-seated concerns.

Immediate steps include journaling your feelings today, which serves as a powerful tool for self-reflection and understanding. In the short term (1-2 weeks), engage in open conversations about your experiences with trusted family members, allowing for emotional expression and support. Long-term (1-3 months), consider seeking therapy to explore these feelings in depth, as professional guidance can foster resilience and strengthen familial bonds, ultimately leading to healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.

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What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

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Then mom said, “You’re constantly afraid to tell me anything,” and OP had to confront the exact thought they’ve been carrying for years.

The narrative of rebuilding trust in the wake of childhood trauma is fraught with complexity, as highlighted in the Reddit thread. The original poster's experience of their mother leaving without explanation has understandably left deep scars, complicating their feelings of trust. This situation underscores the importance of addressing the psychological factors that contribute to familial relationships. By engaging in these difficult conversations, individuals can pave the way toward re-establishing trust and fostering healthier, more fulfilling family dynamics.

He’s not just worried the car will break down again, he’s worried his mom will disappear the second things get uncomfortable.

Want another “I might have messed up” moment, read about the work dinner suggestive joke that got HR emailing a professionalism reminder.