Sister Tries to Sell TV Still Mounted on My Wall - Am I the A-Hole?

Are you the jerk in this situation, or is your sister being shady? In a recent Reddit post, a user shared a story about their sister trying to sell a TV that was still mounted to their wall without their knowledge.

The user's sister left the TV behind when she moved out, and the user and their partner have been using it daily. Despite helping their sister financially, the user was shocked when their sister posted the TV for sale on Facebook Marketplace without asking permission.

Things escalated quickly when strangers were scheduled to come to the house to pick up the TV, leading to a heated argument between the siblings. The Reddit thread is filled with comments supporting the user's actions, with many agreeing that the sister's behavior was out of line.

Some users advised the user to cut off financial support for their sister, while others commended them for setting boundaries. The discussion delves into enabling behaviors, setting healthy boundaries, and the complexities of family dynamics.

It's a reminder of the importance of communication, respect, and self-care in relationships, especially when it comes to lending financial support to family members.

Original Post

My (30 F) sister (28 F) lived with me in my current house over 2 years ago. She since has moved out.

She left behind some belongings, one of them was a 40” smart TV that she left mounted to the wall of her old bedroom, which is now my downstairs living room. Me and my partner as well as her son, my nephew (4) use it daily.

She has mentioned the TV a few times over the years but never really stressed it. Lately my sister has come into some big financial issues, and needs help.

My boyfriend and I help as much as we can. It’s important to note that nobody else in our family will help my sister with money anymore due to her not paying back small debts.

Therefore I am really the only person who gives her any financial support. Most recently I bought her an iPhone on marketplace for $200 because hers was broken.

I have not asked her to pay me back for this. Also my boyfriend and I constantly buy her groceries, and give her food we buy-but will not eat.

Additionally we buy her son special items whenever he comes over for a sleepover. So the incident happened 2 nights ago.

My sister came over during the day to grab some gas money from my cash stash, so she could take her kids to the water park. Absolutely!

Come get it. While in my house she took the liberty to take a photo of the TV she left behind and post it to Facebook marketplace for $100.

I was not aware of this. At 7pm that night I get a text from her saying that 2 strangers will be at my home shortly to take the TV and asked me to collect the $100 for her.

Mind you. My partner and I were actively watching a movie on that TV.

I. Was .

Livid. I called her and gave her a piece of my mind.

Called her shady, said she was disrespectful and delusional if she thought that behaviour was acceptable or normal in any way. I said it was bonkers for her to believe she could just do that without talking to me.

She doubled down and reminded me it was her TV and I didn’t have a say. She even went so far as to say I “clearly couldn’t care less about my nephews” and that I was more concerned about my own “convenience”.

Eventually after some back and fourth I had my BF send her $85 and told her we would be keeping the TV. She hasn’t spoken with me since.

So I am wondering AITA? Update.

Thanks all for your input and feedback about this situation. Everyone has helped put this in perspective for me.

I might not have been TA in this situation , but I am certainly not doing myself or my sister any favours by continuing to allow her to use me. I will be working on my enabling behaviours.

For anyone who likes drama - she came by my house today and we had the worst fight of our relationship. It will be rocky at best moving forward.

She was not willing to accept any criticism and stays firm that I am just a cold evil person and I called her aweful things for trying to sell “her TV”. I mean she absolutely saw no fault in what she did and how she did it.

I’m done trying to convince her otherwise. My heart hurts not for her and I -but at the idea I may see less of my nephews.

I will stay strong and be better at setting healthy boundaries moving forward. Thank you.

The Impact of Boundary Violations

This situation highlights the vital role of boundaries within family dynamics. Establishing clear boundaries can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts that often arise in close relationships. As Dr. Janet Lansbury, a parenting expert, states, "Boundaries are essential for fostering respect and safety in relationships, allowing individuals to express their needs without fear of judgment."

When boundaries are unclear or not respected, issues like the one described can easily arise, leading to feelings of betrayal, resentment, and frustration among family members. It is essential for families to engage in open discussions about personal space, possessions, and emotional needs to foster a healthier environment. By doing so, they can build stronger connections and ensure that each member feels valued and understood. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, "Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding of personal boundaries."

Ultimately, nurturing these boundaries can transform family dynamics, promoting harmony and understanding. The effort to communicate openly about limits is crucial for creating a supportive family atmosphere where everyone can thrive, as emphasized by Dr. Daniel Goleman, an emotional intelligence expert, who notes, "Effective communication about boundaries is key to emotional well-being in relationships."

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From a social psychology viewpoint, the sister's actions may illustrate the phenomenon known as 'diffusion of responsibility.' This concept suggests that individuals often feel less accountable for their actions when they are in a group setting or within a familial context. In such situations, the presence of others can dilute personal responsibility, leading to a sense of complacency.

Research shows that this diffusion can result in ethical lapses, as individuals may mistakenly assume that others will take the initiative to intervene or act. This psychological phenomenon can create a dangerous cycle where inaction becomes the norm, and moral obligations are overlooked. Understanding this concept can help the user recognize that their sister's behavior might stem from a broader psychological trend rather than being purely a result of malicious intent or a lack of care.

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Understanding the Role of Expectations

Expectations play a significant role in interpersonal relationships, particularly among family members. These expectations often stem from a combination of shared experiences, cultural norms, and personal values that individuals hold dear. The user likely had certain assumptions regarding their sister's conduct based on these factors, which can create a framework for how they perceive and interact with one another.

When these expectations are not met, it can lead to feelings of disappointment, frustration, and even conflict. Such emotional responses are common when individuals feel that their needs or desires are overlooked. Therefore, it is essential to communicate expectations clearly and openly to avoid misunderstandings in the future. By fostering a dialogue about what each party hopes for in the relationship, family members can build stronger connections and navigate their differences more effectively.

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The breach of trust in this scenario can have long-lasting effects on the sibling relationship, potentially altering the dynamics for years to come. Trust, as noted by Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher and author, "is the foundation of any strong relationship, and once it's broken, it can take significant time and effort to restore." When trust is compromised, it often leads to feelings of betrayal and resentment, which can further complicate interactions between siblings.

To mitigate this challenging situation, both parties should engage in honest conversations about their feelings and expectations. Open dialogue allows for an opportunity to express grievances and fosters a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives. By actively listening and validating each other's emotions, siblings can work together to restore trust and rebuild their relationship, ultimately leading to a stronger bond than before, as emphasized by Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist who states, "Communication is key to resolving conflicts and rebuilding connections."

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The Role of Communication in Conflict Resolution

Effective communication is crucial in resolving conflicts, particularly within family dynamics where emotions can often run high. The Dual Concern Model suggests that successful conflict resolution involves balancing concern for oneself with concern for others. This model emphasizes the importance of recognizing and valuing the perspectives and feelings of all parties involved in a disagreement.

By prioritizing empathy and active listening, family members can foster a collaborative approach to conflict resolution that not only addresses the immediate issue but also strengthens relationships in the long run. Engaging in open dialogue allows each person to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment, which is essential for mutual understanding.

Practicing these skills can help prevent similar conflicts in the future and promote healthier family interactions. Ultimately, developing effective communication strategies can lead to a more harmonious home environment where everyone feels heard and valued.

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Considering developmental psychology, the sister's behavior could reflect her stage of moral development, as outlined by Kohlberg's stages of moral development. If she operates at a more egocentric level, she may struggle to see the perspective of others. This limited viewpoint can lead her to make decisions that disregard the rights and feelings of family members, resulting in actions that may seem selfish or inconsiderate.

Understanding where she might be in this developmental framework can significantly inform how the user approaches the conversation about the incident. By recognizing the cognitive and emotional stages she may be experiencing, the user can tailor their communication in a way that fosters empathy and encourages growth. This approach not only helps in addressing the immediate issue but also supports the sister's moral development in the long run.

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The Role of Empathy in Family Dynamics

To prevent future conflicts, establishing a clear dialogue about shared possessions is absolutely essential. It's crucial to foster an environment where everyone feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns regarding personal items. Immediate steps include setting up a family meeting to openly discuss boundaries regarding belongings and expectations, ensuring that every voice is heard and valued.

In the short term, encourage regular check-ins, perhaps on a monthly basis, to reassess those boundaries and make adjustments as necessary. This practice not only promotes accountability but also strengthens relationships within the family. Over the longer term, consider creating a family agreement that outlines shared responsibilities and ownership of items in communal spaces. This proactive approach can significantly enhance communication, minimize misunderstandings, and create a harmonious living environment for everyone involved.

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What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation really highlights how family dynamics can get tangled, especially when boundaries are crossed. The sister's actions might stem from desperation or a sense of entitlement, which can sometimes blind people to the impact of their behavior on others. On the flip side, the user's reaction is rooted in a strong sense of betrayal, showing just how important trust and communication are in maintaining healthy relationships.

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Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, this situation involves a multifaceted psychological dynamic, including the violation of boundaries, expectations, trust, and empathy. It also highlights the importance of effective communication in resolving conflicts. By understanding these concepts, the involved parties might find a way to navigate their conflict with more insight and empathy, potentially leading to a more satisfactory resolution for all involved.