Woman's Boyfriend Deserted Her During a Mugging And Now She's Asking The Internet For Advice
A young woman shares her experience when her boyfriend ran away without her during a mugging. What would you do?
Exes are an endless source of stories. The reasons for breakups are mostly the usual stuff, but here and there, you can find real gems. According to Dr. William Doherty, PhD, a family therapist, "People often reveal their true selves under stress, which can be a shocking realization for those who believed in their partner's strength." When that happens, those who are hurt can’t think of revenge evil enough to compensate for their pain and disappointment. As Brené Brown, a renowned researcher, states, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change," suggesting that facing such situations can lead to personal growth. An interesting post appeared online, describing how a 22-year-old woman went through a rough night when she realized that the best boyfriend in the world proved to be a scared, little piece of …
"Hamdila" wrote:
"On Tuesday night, my boyfriend and I were out. He parked in an alley because it was free. As we got to the car, this tiny little homeless-looking guy stepped out with a screwdriver and said something like, 'All I need is a hit, give me $20 and no one gets hurt.'
My boyfriend sprinted away. He didn't even look behind him, so I was stuck with the mugger. Since I had my phone only, he rubbed his hands all over me while holding the screwdriver to my throat. He wasn't getting off on it, but it was still so traumatizing as he thought I was hiding money in my bra and underwear. I kept hoping that Aiden would come back with the cops, but nothing. The homeless guy eventually realized I had nothing and just left down the other end of the alley.
I walked around the corner, and less than a block away, there were two police officers, so I told them, and all of a sudden, downtown lit up, and they were able to find the guy in less than five minutes."
Behavior Under Pressure
Dr. John Duffy, a clinical psychologist, emphasizes that individuals often reveal their true selves during crises, which can be shocking for partners. His research indicates that such moments expose underlying traits, including avoidant behaviors that may stem from early attachment experiences.
When faced with threats, some individuals may prioritize self-preservation over relational commitments, a response rooted in survival instincts. Understanding these dynamics can help those affected by betrayal process their feelings and foster healthier expectations in future relationships.
We can only commend this woman for calling out her boyfriend by his first name on Reddit and for being brave while the mugger was trying to rob her.
"I rode with the police to the station to identify the guy. Maybe an hour later, Aiden called and said, 'I have the police. Are you okay?' I exploded on him, telling him that I'm at the police station and have been for an hour. He tried to tell me he was so scared he didn't know what to do and ran immediately to the police. I told him he was a liar because the two police officers I had found had been there all night, and he must have run past them. After some serious arguing, he admitted that he'd gone to hide in a park about three blocks away. I was disgusted. He kept hiding when he heard all the sirens because he thought that meant I'd been stabbed or worse! What in the actual fuck?
I told him to come pick me up, and he said he couldn't because he doesn't like cops and is afraid they'd laugh at him. Well, he was right because two very cool young cops gave me a ride home, and they laughed and joked about him the entire way."
I would like to peek into his mind. When your girlfriend is getting stabbed, the best thing you can do is hide in the park?
And he wouldn’t like to be laughed at by the police, but he didn’t mind his girlfriend being stabbed by a screwdriver-wielding, homicidal, junkie maniac over $20? O poor boy, he really deserves our sympathies.
That poor boy is 30 years old, while his girlfriend is just 22. Didn’t those eight years teach him about responsibilities?
And there is more to come:
"Yesterday, he finally called around noon, and I told him not to bother; we're broken up. He then spent the next eight hours texting me a combination of calling me names, begging me to come back to him, and explaining that what he'd done had been the smartest thing for both of us. He said had he not run, his natural rage would have taken over and he would have killed the guy. Suuuuuuurreeee...."
My question is, how scorched earth do I go in this breakup? Should I let him have some dignity, or do I blow up his stuff?"
Needless to say, people were judging the boyfriend:
"left____right" said:
It’s for the best; I think he’ll understand. I mean, she might end up killing him with all that natural rage.
"CobaltAureate" said:
Leave this man-child in the dust and move on with your life. You saw his true colors; could you marry or raise a kid with this guy? No? Then don’t look back.
He’s also a bit older than OP, and you might wishfully suppose he has more maturity as a result. Apparently not.
Thank you, next.
"PurpleDoves91" said:
He runs away, leaving you with a mugger. He hides in a park, not bothering to get help for you. He refuses to pick you up at the police station because he doesn't like cops.
Three strikes, and you're out, although the first one was more than enough. This guy sucks, and I'm sorry you wasted even a second on him.
What do you think? How should she pay him back?
The Impact of Trauma on Relationships
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a renowned trauma researcher, emphasizes that traumatic experiences can drastically alter an individual's perception of safety and trust.
When someone experiences abandonment during a traumatic event, it can create lasting fears of vulnerability in future relationships.
This phenomenon can lead to distorted views on partner behavior, often causing individuals to misinterpret their partner's actions through a lens of past trauma.
From a psychological standpoint, the fear of abandonment can trigger defensive mechanisms that hinder effective communication. According to Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, "When we feel threatened, our instinct is to protect ourselves, which can lead to withdrawal or aggression." Individuals with attachment issues often resort to these behaviors, which can exacerbate conflicts. Understanding these patterns can help individuals recognize their triggers and adopt healthier coping strategies.
Psychological Analysis
This situation exemplifies how trauma can uniquely impact an individual's ability to trust and connect with others.
In moments of crisis, our instinctual reactions can overshadow our desire for connection, leading to behaviors that might seem unfathomable to outsiders.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Ultimately, the experience of being deserted during a traumatic event can have profound implications for future relationships.
As highlighted by trauma research, addressing these psychological wounds is essential for healing and fostering healthier connections.
Engaging in therapy or support groups can provide individuals with tools to navigate their fears and develop more secure attachments.
Understanding the Impact of Trauma
The experience of being deserted during a traumatic event can leave deep psychological scars. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading expert in trauma, emphasizes that such situations can trigger intense feelings of abandonment and betrayal.
These feelings can be compounded by the individual's attachment history, influencing how they perceive relationships moving forward. Understanding this can help the affected individual process their feelings and begin healing.
Interpersonal trauma, such as being deserted, often leads to a heightened sense of vulnerability and anxiety in future relationships. According to research in attachment theory, individuals who experience abandonment may develop anxious or avoidant attachment styles.
Recognizing these patterns can empower individuals to seek therapeutic interventions that promote healthier relationship dynamics and address underlying fears.
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
In summary, navigating the aftermath of trauma requires understanding and support. Research indicates that therapy focused on trauma recovery can significantly improve emotional well-being and relationship satisfaction.
Engaging in supportive relationships and processing feelings through therapy can foster resilience and long-term healing, allowing individuals to move forward with greater confidence and security.
Research published in the journal *Psychological Science* shows that people often react defensively in high-stress situations, leading to decisions that may seem selfish or cowardly afterward. This phenomenon is known as the 'fight-or-flight' response, which can inhibit rational thinking.
To cope with such betrayals, experts recommend practicing self-compassion and focusing on personal growth. Engaging in supportive social circles can also help individuals heal and reassess relationship dynamics, ultimately leading to improved emotional resilience and healthier connections.
Healing Approaches & Techniques
In summary, understanding the psychological mechanisms behind behaviors during crises can illuminate why some individuals react in ways that hurt their partners. Research suggests that fostering emotional intelligence and resilience is vital for navigating such challenges effectively.
As studies indicate, creating a supportive environment can significantly enhance recovery from relational trauma, allowing individuals to redefine their expectations in future relationships and promote healthier interactions.
