Redditor Asks If They're A**hole For Expecting Their Stay-At-Home Spouse To Do Better Job Cleaning Up After Their Kids

Being a stay-at-home parent is an admirable job for anyone to take on. But when you're a SAHP, does that mean you're automatically responsible for the bulk of the household chores?

Reddit user u/Vivid-Arachnid2370 recently shared a story in the r/AITA (Am I The A**hole?) subreddit about how their stay-at-home spouse doesn't seem to be pulling their weight. The OP explained that they work from home, and their spouse is a SAHP to their three children.

However, the OP says the house is always a mess when they come downstairs after work. Toys are everywhere, dishes are left out, and there is food on the kitchen floor.

Not to mention that things start to pile up all around the house because nothing is ever put away. There are large piles of clothing on the tables and floors.

Of course, some of the mess is kids' stuff, but the OP says some of the items lying around are also their spouse's things. Their bedroom has food and garbage everywhere because the OP's spouse allows the children to eat in their bed so that they can sleep longer in the mornings.

The Redditor says they fight whenever they have guests come to visit because of the mess. It takes days of cleaning to make the house acceptable for visitors.

The OP says the bulk of their weekly cleaning could be avoided if their spouse would clean up after the kids during the day. Whenever they have a big cleanup, it only takes a week for the house to be trashed again.

The OP feels that cleaning up is part of a SAHP's job. If their spouse would pick up after the kids throughout the day, they wouldn't have so much to do after the kids go to bed.

The Redditor believes that things should also be put away after use instead of being left on the counters. Now the OP is wondering if they're the a**hole here.

The OP asked if they're an a**hole for wanting their stay-at-home spouse to clean up after their kids.

Reddit/Vivid-Arachnid2370

The OP explained that they work from home, and their spouse is a SAHP to their three children.

But the OP says the house is always a mess when they come downstairs after work.

Understanding Domestic Roles

Dr. Mark Thompson, a family psychologist, explains that the division of labor in households often reflects deeper societal norms and personal expectations.

Research in social psychology indicates that these expectations can create tension, particularly when partners have differing views on responsibility.

Studies show that when one partner feels overwhelmed by their responsibilities, they may project frustration onto the other, leading to conflicts that can escalate quickly.

Toys are everywhere, dishes are left out, and there is food on the kitchen floor.

Not to mention that things start to pile up all around the house because nothing is ever put away.

There are large piles of clothing on the tables and floors.

This scenario highlights the psychological concept of role strain, where individuals feel stressed by the demands of their roles, including parenting and household management.

According to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology, role strain can negatively impact relationship satisfaction, leading to resentment if not addressed constructively.

Identifying these stressors is crucial for couples who want to foster mutual understanding and support.

Of course, some of the mess is kids' stuff, but the OP says some of the items lying around are also their spouse's things.

Their bedroom has food and garbage everywhere because the OP's spouse allows the children to eat in their bed so that they can sleep longer in the mornings.

The Redditor says they fight whenever they have guests come to visit because of the mess. It takes days of cleaning to make the house acceptable for visitors.

Communication as a Key Strategy

Effective communication is paramount in resolving conflicts related to household responsibilities.

Research shows that couples who engage in open dialogues about their expectations and feelings are more likely to find equitable solutions that satisfy both parties.

Regular check-ins can serve as a proactive approach to ensure that both partners feel heard and valued, reducing misunderstandings that lead to conflict.

The OP says the bulk of their weekly cleaning could be avoided if their spouse would clean up after the kids during the day.

Whenever they have a big cleanup, it only takes a week for the house to be trashed again.

The OP is sick of cleaning for days only for the house to go back to how it was.

To foster a healthier dynamic, couples should consider implementing structured discussions about household tasks, perhaps using tools like chore charts or regular family meetings.

Additionally, seeking the guidance of a family therapist can help navigate these discussions, providing couples with strategies to improve communication and reduce tension.

Ultimately, building a teamwork mentality can enhance both the relationship and parenting experience.

The OP says they feel that cleaning up is part of a SAHP's job.

If they picked up after the kids throughout the day, they wouldn't have so much to do after the kids go to bed.

The Redditor says things should also be put away after use instead of leaving things on the counters.

Understanding Emotional Labor

This conflict also touches on the concept of emotional labor, where one partner may feel they are investing more emotional energy into managing household dynamics.

Studies indicate that emotional labor can lead to burnout if not recognized and shared equally within a partnership.

Encouraging shared emotional responsibility can help alleviate feelings of unfairness and promote a balanced relationship.

The OP isn't expecting their spouse to do everything.

Now the OP is wondering if they're the a**hole here.

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/sdlucly

"If you get home from work and everyone is alive, your spouse did well."

Reddit/InappropriateAccess

"It's energy-draining and soul-sucking."

Reddit/Choice_Mongoose2427

Okay, but is your spouse alright?

Reddit/telekineticm

"Your spouse needs therapy."

Reddit/2tinymonkeys

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP is being a jerk here for expecting their spouse to clean up, or is it reasonable to expect a SAHP to clean up during the day?

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects common tensions in domestic partnerships, often stemming from differing expectations about roles and responsibilities.

It's vital for couples to openly discuss their feelings and negotiate these roles to prevent misunderstandings and resentment from building up.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Overall, the dynamics of household responsibilities highlight the importance of communication and mutual respect in relationships.

Research emphasizes that understanding each other's perspectives is essential for fostering a harmonious home environment.

By actively addressing issues of equity and support, couples can enhance their relationship satisfaction and overall family well-being.