Researchers Found Links Between Staying Close to Exes and Psychopathic Traits

A 28-year-old woman refused to cut ties with her ex, even after the breakup felt like it was over for good. She kept the texts friendly, the meetups casual, and the “we’re just friends” line locked in tight.

But the more she stayed close, the more the story got slippery. Researchers reportedly found that people who maintained tight bonds with former partners often scored higher on traits tied to manipulation, self-interest, and low empathy, meaning the friendship can sometimes be a cover for convenience, control, or access to whatever the ex still provides.

So it’s not just coffee that raises eyebrows, it’s the motives hiding behind the charm.

People Who Stay Friends with Their Exes Often Do It for Self-Serving Reasons, Not Emotional Maturity.

The researchers found that people who stayed close to their exes tended to score higher in traits associated with psychopathy—traits like being manipulative, self-serving, and lacking empathy. In simple terms, those who maintained tight bonds with former partners often weren’t doing it out of kindness or emotional maturity. Instead, there was usually something to gain.

Psychopathy sits within the broader spectrum of antisocial personality disorders. It often includes a combination of charm and calculation—a friendly exterior that hides more strategic motives.

This means that while someone might seem like they’re staying friends with their ex for innocent reasons, their real intentions could be far more practical or self-serving.

Unsplash

That’s when “just friends” started sounding less like respect and more like a strategy, especially when the connection kept paying off for them.

The study suggests that people with stronger psychopathic traits tend to keep their exes around when there’s something in it for them—whether that’s sex, money, emotional control, or even access to information. They know how to present themselves as caring or considerate, but deep down, it’s about convenience and opportunity rather than connection.

This doesn’t mean that everyone who grabs coffee with an ex is secretly plotting something. Many people genuinely maintain respectful, friendly relationships with former partners, especially when there’s shared history or mutual respect.

However, for those with darker motives, “friendship” can become a cover—a way to hold on to the benefits of a past relationship without the emotional responsibility that comes with it.

Staying in contact with ex-partners can stem from unresolved feelings or a fear of loneliness.

Charming Manipulators Know Exactly How to Stay in Their Ex’s Life Just Long Enough to Keep Control.

People with psychopathic tendencies are known for being charming when it suits them. They’re good at reading others, saying the right thing, and creating an illusion of closeness.

That charm can make it easy for them to stay in someone’s life, even after a breakup, because they know exactly how to keep the door open just enough to get what they want. For example, someone might pretend they just want to “stay in touch” when in reality, they’re keeping their ex around as a backup option.

Or they might offer emotional support when the ex is struggling, not because they care, but because it gives them a sense of control. These subtle manipulations can look like generosity on the surface—but often, it’s about maintaining power and access.

Pixabay

Meanwhile, the exes in this kind of setup usually aren’t being kept around for warmth, they’re being kept around for sex, money, emotional leverage, or inside access.

And for a totally different kind of “self-serving,” read about the diner yelling, “I’m not cheap,” over tipping.

Then the whole thing gets messy, because the same behavior can look harmless, like shared history and mutual respect, until you notice the pattern.

The research also adds a layer of understanding to how complicated human relationships can be. Not every post-breakup friendship is toxic or manipulative, but the study shows that motives aren’t always as pure as they seem. Sometimes, what looks like maturity might actually be strategy.

So if someone insists on keeping their exes close and “still being friends with everyone,” it might be worth paying attention to why. Are they genuinely kind-hearted and emotionally intelligent, or do they just hate losing access to people they once had power over?

In the end, staying friends with an ex can mean a lot of different things—sometimes it’s about nostalgia, guilt, or simply finding closure. For others, it’s a way to keep certain possibilities alive, even if they know deep down it’s not healthy.

But as this study points out, when those ties linger for the wrong reasons, it’s not affection that comes knocking. More often, it’s manipulation disguised as kindness, waiting for the chance to slip back in.

And if the charming act shows up right on schedule, it’s the kind of control that feels invisible until it hits you in the worst moment.

The findings of the recent study reveal a surprising connection between maintaining friendships with ex-partners and psychopathic traits.

Maintaining a relationship with an ex can often lead to complicated emotional dynamics.

The friendship label can be the bait, and nobody realizes it until the bill comes due.

Want chaos at camp? See how one teen survived a secret vape, toxic room, and toilet-dipped wipe.