Struggling with Exhaustion: AITA for Canceling Plans Due to Lack of Sleep?

AITA for canceling plans due to exhaustion after working long hours, even though it was to support my boyfriend on a difficult day?

Sophia

Published in Interesting
19 Aug 2025

Struggling with Exhaustion: AITA for Canceling Plans Due to Lack of Sleep?

A 28-year-old woman thought she was doing the right thing, until her boyfriend decided her exhaustion was a personal betrayal. It all started with a promise, a planned day out, and a very specific kind of sadness tied to grief.

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Her boyfriend told her he would probably be “sad all day” because it was the 6-year anniversary of his oldest sister’s death. She tried to help in her own way, offering to get out of the house, even if it meant a free hike, because “dwell all day” was not the vibe she wanted for him. Then the money and the sleep completely fell apart, she worked a 12-hour shift, drove 2 hours back home, had only 3 hours of sleep, and still sat through the show before she finally collapsed and asked to stay in. Now he’s calling her a liar and an asshole, while she insists she’s not refusing him, she’s running on fumes.

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Here’s the moment the “anniversary support plan” turned into a full-on fight.

Original Post

To start this off I do feel like an ass hole but also wish I had some empathy and understanding for the support I can physically/mentally provide even if it’s not EXACTLY what my boyfriend wants. Today is the 6 year anniversary of my boyfriend’s oldest sister's death and while driving to work yesterday he told me “just so you know I’ll probably be sad all day tomorrow.” I responded with “your sister wouldn’t want you to sit and dwell all day so if I get paid let’s go do something, even if I don’t get paid maybe we can go on a hike or something free.” He loved that idea.

The problem arose when I did not get paid. I had to drive 2 hours back home today after a 12 hour work day last night and my friend let me stay with them (thankfully) last night but they had to be up early so I got 3 hours of sleep before I had to drive home and I just got home 3.5 hours ago. I ordered him wings when I got home and sat with him while he picked the show we watched.

After 3 hours of watching the show he says ok let’s go. I try to muster up any energy to go and eventually say “I’m so sorry I know I promised but I’m dying here! Can we please stay in today and we can watch anything you want to watch but I have no energy after working 3 days straight 2 hours away from our house, driving back and forth the first two days after working 12 hours and now on 3 hours of sleep and just arrived home for my first day off in a minute.”

He does not work but takes care of my dogs while I have to be gone so long. I also only have $7 in my bank account and 10 miles to empty in my car until I get paid which I thought would be sooner but here I am with no money, no sleep, and my boyfriend is mad at me because I broke the loose promises of going out to get his mind off his sister's death but won’t listen to anything I have to say.

All he hears is I’m a liar and an ass hole. So am I the ass hole?

Edit…. I work in the film industry.

Yesterday we were told would be a short day and we would go home early…obviously that wasn’t the case and we didn’t wrap until 2am. I do not know my hours in this industry it’s unpredictable.

I don’t work every day on set but this week I did and it happened to be farther from home than I normally work.

Comment from u/slendermanismydad

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Comment from u/CrazyOldBag

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From a psychological perspective, it's crucial to prioritize self-care, which includes adequate rest, to maintain both mental and physical well-being. The American Psychological Association emphasizes that consistent sleep patterns can significantly improve mood and cognitive clarity. This improvement not only enhances individual well-being but also allows individuals to engage more meaningfully in their relationships with others.

When one partner is overwhelmed, as the original poster (OP) was, it becomes essential for both partners to communicate openly about their respective needs and feelings. This kind of mutual understanding fosters a supportive environment where both individuals can feel safe expressing their vulnerabilities. By creating this space, each partner can recharge without guilt or fear of judgment, ultimately strengthening the relationship.

Investing in self-care and open communication lays the groundwork for a healthier partnership, enabling both individuals to navigate challenges together more effectively.

Comment from u/UteLawyer

Comment from u/EmuRemarkable1099

Right after she suggested a hike or anything free to honor his sister’s memory, the promise started wobbling the second she didn’t get paid and had to drive two hours home after a 12-hour shift.

In relationships, understanding and respecting each other's needs is vital for fostering a healthy connection.

Comment from u/HuntAccurate9397

Comment from u/Brickscratcher

Effective communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationships.

Comment from u/Decent-Historian-207

Comment from u/peakerforlife

The unpredictability and long hours associated with the film industry can certainly lead to significant stress and exhaustion among those working in it. Research by Johnston et al. (2014) highlights that individuals in high-demand jobs often experience burnout, which can have detrimental effects not only on their professional performance but also on their personal relationships. Acknowledging this reality is the first crucial step towards finding a sustainable balance in both work and life. This may include setting firm limits on overtime to prevent overexertion and ensuring that downtime is genuinely restorative, allowing for mental and physical recovery rather than merely serving as a transition from one task to another. By taking these steps, individuals can foster a healthier work-life balance and enhance their overall well-being.

This also echoes the parents fighting with an aunt who sneakily fed cinnamon buns to their allergy baby.

Comment from u/Mundane-Run6179

Comment from u/otisandme

The whole thing blew up after three hours of watching TV, when she begged to stay in because she was “dying” from working 3 days straight, driving back and forth, and living on three hours of sleep.

Mental health awareness involves recognizing the profound impact that psychological factors have on our everyday lives. In this context, the OP's exhaustion is not merely a physical state; it is intricately linked to emotional well-being and overall mental health. When we overlook the significance of our mental state, we risk falling into a cycle of fatigue and emotional distress. Addressing sleep deprivation should be a priority in our daily routines, as neglecting it can lead to more severe mental health issues over time, such as anxiety and depression, which can further exacerbate feelings of exhaustion.

Incorporating mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, into our daily lives can significantly help mitigate stress and promote better sleep hygiene. These practices are essential not only for improving mental clarity but also for fostering emotional stability. By prioritizing both physical and mental health, we create a foundation for a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Comment from u/lmholot1981

Comment from u/FrontTour1583

Mental Health Awareness

To improve the situation, it's essential to implement concrete, research-backed strategies that can significantly enhance overall well-being. Immediate steps include creating a consistent sleep schedule and practicing relaxation techniques before bed, such as deep breathing or meditation. In the short term (1-2 weeks), consider reducing caffeine and screen time in the evenings to enhance sleep quality, as both can disrupt the natural sleep cycle and lead to increased fatigue.

Longer-term, aim to establish a balanced routine that integrates both work and leisure, allowing for regular breaks to recharge and avoid burnout. Engaging in physical activity, whether through structured exercise or casual walks, and nurturing social connections can also foster resilience against exhaustion. By prioritizing these habits, you can cultivate a healthier lifestyle that promotes both mental and physical health, ultimately leading to increased productivity and a better quality of life.

Comment from u/lalanikshin4144220

Comment from u/NAparentheses

And instead of hearing her out, he focused on the “loose promises” she broke, even though he doesn’t work and she’s the one who’s been gone long enough to leave him caring for the dogs.

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