Redditor Confronts Family For Not Helping Her Out After She Had Surgery, Family Gaslights Her

A 28-year-old woman thought surgery would be the kind of life event where her family shows up, literally and emotionally. Instead, she got a crash course in how fast “we’ll help” turns into “you’re being dramatic.”

Her boyfriend could have worked a little extra each day that month, but he did not. Her family, meanwhile, treated her recovery like a minor inconvenience, even when she could only sleep, eat, and pee. The worst part, she says, is that she didn’t even have groceries to make something to eat, so she was stuck trying to recover while feeling completely alone.

What makes this story hit harder is how quickly support turned into gaslighting when she finally confronted them.

The Title

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The OP wouldn't be able to do anything other than sleep, eat, and pee

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The OP's boyfriend could have easily worked 30 minutes more per day in that month

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The Effects of Lack of Support on Recovery

The Redditor's experience of feeling unsupported after surgery sheds light on the psychological impacts of perceived abandonment during vulnerable times. Research in health psychology indicates that social support plays a critical role in recovery and emotional resilience.

In this case, the lack of support from family can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment, negatively impacting the healing journey.

Exploring Family Dynamics

The experience of feeling unsupported by family following surgery can lead to profound feelings of isolation and abandonment.

The OP didn't even have groceries to try to make something to eat

u/EastGovernment3361

Here is what other Redditors had to say about the story

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They know they could have done better

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That’s when she realized she was stuck doing the bare minimum, sleep, eat, and pee, while her family acted like that was no big deal.

From a relational perspective, the dynamics of family support during times of crisis can significantly influence emotional well-being.

The phenomenon of familial gaslighting can also emerge in these contexts, where family members dismiss or minimize the experiences of their loved ones. A study from Stanford University indicates that such invalidation can lead to feelings of worthlessness and confusion, particularly when individuals are already in a vulnerable state. The Redditor's assertion that their family is not showing support reflects a broader pattern of emotional neglect that can have lasting effects on self-esteem and trust.

Recognizing these patterns is essential for addressing the emotional fallout from such experiences.

You needed someone to come in daily

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He lives with you and failed in very basic requests

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Many people only respond to specific directions

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It gets uglier when she points out her boyfriend could have added just 30 minutes a day during that month, but nobody stepped in.

Coping Strategies for Feelings of Abandonment

To cope with feelings of abandonment and lack of support, individuals can benefit from developing strong self-care routines and seeking external support systems. Research in clinical psychology emphasizes that engaging in self-compassion exercises can foster resilience and emotional regulation. For example, practices such as mindfulness and journaling can help individuals process their feelings and establish a sense of control over their emotional narrative.

Additionally, seeking support from friends, support groups, or mental health professionals can provide validation and understanding during difficult times.

Open communication within families is vital for fostering supportive environments. Research from the University of Michigan highlights that families who engage in transparent communication about feelings and needs tend to experience stronger emotional bonds. In this case, the Redditor might benefit from expressing their needs clearly to their family, emphasizing the importance of support during recovery.

This approach can help create a more empathetic atmosphere and encourage family members to respond more positively to their concerns.

It also mirrors a Redditor confronting her sister over not paying mom’s medical bills.

You never actually expressed any wishes to be helped

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Your family has their own stuff to do

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He is used to you doing everything for him

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Furthermore, fostering open communication with family members about feelings of neglect can help address underlying issues. Engaging in family therapy may also be a valuable option for addressing dysfunctional patterns and rebuilding trust among family members.

Ultimately, addressing feelings of abandonment requires both individual efforts and family engagement to create a supportive environment.

The grocery situation is what really seals it, because she claims she didn’t even have food to make herself something simple.

Furthermore, establishing boundaries within family relationships can protect emotional well-being.

They have no reason to expect that you need help

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What this Redditor would do if their child had surgery

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It doesn't sound like you ever asked for help

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Seeking External Support

Finally, seeking support outside of the family unit can be vital for emotional healing.

This Redditor is telling the OP to leave her boyfriend

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Did you ask them for any specific type of help?

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The real AH here is your boyfriend

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This is what good families do

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You thought your boyfriend and family would have your back

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You are not compromising your feelings

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You could have talked with your family and asked for help

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All she had to do was say the word

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Then the family gaslighting kicks in, with them dismissing her experience instead of acknowledging that she needed daily help.

Redditors thought that the OP's boyfriend’s behavior should give her a lot to think about regarding her future. This kind of treatment towards the OP won’t change magically later on, and we agree too.

At the end of all the back and forth, the OP received the "Everyone Sucks" verdict. Drop your own thoughts below and share this post to get other people's opinions as well.

The situation unfolding in this Redditor's family highlights the critical role of communication during recovery.

The story of the Redditor confronting her family highlights the often overlooked emotional landscape that accompanies surgical recovery.

The surgery wasn’t the only thing that left a mark, because her family’s “support” did too.

OP’s surgery support fight gets real, but wait until you read about parents being asked to repay loans after helping with expenses.