Teaching My Husband Vietnamese Dog Commands: AITA?
AITA for teaching my husband Vietnamese phrases to handle sales pressure? He calls them "dog commands," but is it really about control or disrespect?
A 28-year-old Vietnamese woman thought she was solving a tiny marriage problem, until her husband took it personally and turned it into a full-on fight. They love wandering arts and crafts fairs, but he never stops himself from lingering by every booth and asking her, “Should we buy this? Should we get this?”
For her, the constant sales-pitch pressure hits her generalized anxiety hard. So she came up with a plan: learn a few Vietnamese phrases to shut down purchases without the awkward “no” routine, like “Oh no, it’s okay” or “Maybe next time.” She wanted it to feel more comfortable for both of them, and honestly, it would also give him a chance to practice Vietnamese since he keeps saying he should learn it.
Instead, he yelled that she was teaching him “dog commands,” then she accused him of racism, and now they’re stuck arguing over what he really meant. Here’s the full story.
Original Post
AITA? Am I teaching my husband Vietnamese dog commands?
My husband and I enjoy going to arts and crafts fairs for fun. I’ve always liked walking around and seeing everyone’s handiwork, but my husband has a tendency to linger and listen to everyone’s sales pitches.
In general, I don’t have a problem with this, except he will always look at me and say, “Should we buy this? Should we get this?” I have generalized anxiety, so this always makes me uncomfortable, as I feel like the bad wife who has to say no every time.
Recently, I told him that these moments bother me, and I had an idea to make the situation more comfortable for both of us. I am Vietnamese, and he’s white, so I asked him if he could learn some phrases in Vietnamese like “Oh no, it’s okay,” or “Oh, we don’t need it,” or “Maybe next time,” so that the salespeople wouldn’t understand what I’m saying. I would feel more comfortable speaking Vietnamese, and my husband would learn some Vietnamese (he’s been telling me how he should learn Vietnamese, but he hasn’t put in the effort yet).
When I made this suggestion, he immediately became upset and started yelling about how I am teaching him “dog commands” like “sit, down, paw.” He asked me how I could treat him like a dog. I became really upset and said that what he said was racist, which enraged him.
We’ve discussed this in couple’s therapy, and my husband still thinks what he said was not wrong or racist. Reddit, AITA for his dog command comment?
This Reddit thread raises compelling questions about the intersection of language, culture, and relationship dynamics.
Comment from u/Euphoric_Travel2541
Comment from u/Dittoheadforever
The whole thing started at those arts and crafts fairs, where he keeps turning every booth into a negotiation and she keeps feeling trapped into saying no.
Furthermore, a study by the American Journal of Psychology emphasizes that language can influence social dynamics within relationships.
Comment from u/toosheeptheorist
Comment from u/StAlvis
That’s when she suggested Vietnamese shutdown phrases so the salespeople wouldn’t understand, hoping her husband would get a low-pressure language boost too.
Paycheck delay drama feels similar to the renter who paid rent late, stressing their landlord’s mortgage.
Control vs. Communication: Finding Balance
From a psychological standpoint, it’s important to differentiate between control and guidance in relationships.
Comment from u/Fall_Relic
Comment from u/OrindaSarnia
But the second she brought up “sit, down, paw” style wording, he flipped out, calling it treating him like a dog, not like a partner.
When individuals express their feelings about the use of language openly and honestly, it can lead to more meaningful conversations and stronger relational bonds.
Comment from u/cinderparty
Comment from u/NotARussianBot2017
After she called his reaction racist and they kept hashing it out in couple’s therapy, he still insists he wasn’t wrong, which is where the thread gets messy fast.
What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.
Comment from u/Zoocreeper_
At the heart of this Reddit thread lies the essential need for effective communication in relationships, which extends beyond mere words to include the emotions and cultural nuances intertwined with them. The original poster's experience highlights how her husband's constant quest for approval not only affects their interactions but also introduces a layer of cultural complexity through the lens of language. This situation underscores the importance of empathy and open dialogue, which are crucial for bridging the emotional and cultural gaps that can arise in partnerships. By emphasizing emotional intelligence and mutual respect, the couple can work towards navigating these intricacies, fostering greater understanding and compassion in their relationship.
Now he’s wondering if he really picked the wrong hill to die on, and she’s left wondering if he even hears her anxiety.
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