Estranged Daughter Stands Firm Against Wearing Hijab To Visit Ailing Father Despite Family’s Emotional Appeals About His ‘Dying Wish’
“I wasted eighteen years of my life wearing this, and I can't stomach another second.”
In the wild and wonderful world of family relationships, there's always that one story that makes us ask ourselves just how much we’re willing to endure all in the name of family. Our narrator’s (Original Poster’s) story was one of them.
OP was raised in a staunchly religious Sunni Muslim household. From the tender age of five, she was not only forced to wear the hijab but also had religious teachings coming at her from all angles.
By the time she hit sixteen, she was ready to ditch the hijab and taste a bit of freedom. But, oh boy, did her parents freak out. Her rebellion was met with a severe repercussion—a nasty haircut.
This drastic action only fueled OP’s determination to seek freedom. Her chance finally came at eighteen when she escaped to a university in Canada. Since then, there had been practically no contact between her and her parents—then, life happened.
OP’s younger brother recently reached out with some heavy news: their father was seriously ill in the hospital and kept asking for her. Her brother begged her to visit, and if possible, wear a hijab to give their father some peace—just in case he doesn’t pull through.
This request sent OP spiraling back to those painful memories. It took years for her hair to grow back, and the isolation she experienced during her formative years left her socially stunted in university.
The resentment still boiled within her, and donning the hijab once again would feel like erasing all the progress she’d made in reclaiming her identity.
OP’s brother pleaded with her to grant their father this one comfort, but her boyfriend backed her decision wholeheartedly. Should she bend to her father's dying wish or stay true to the self she painstakingly reclaimed?
The story in detail
Reddit.comA bit of background
Reddit.comUnderstanding Familial Pressures
Dr. Sarah Thompson, a clinical psychologist at the University of Michigan, notes that familial expectations can exert immense psychological pressure, particularly in cultures where honor and duty are emphasized.
This situation illustrates what is known as 'family obligation,' where individuals feel compelled to meet the emotional needs of family members, often at the expense of their own autonomy.
According to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology, individuals caught in these dynamics may experience heightened anxiety and stress as they navigate conflicting desires between personal identity and familial loyalty.
OP received a message from her brother that their dad is sick and wants to see her. Most importantly, he wants to see her wearing a hijab so that he can be at peace
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While OP wants to see her dad, she has no intention of putting on a hijab ever again
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In situations like these, the concept of emotional regulation becomes crucial. Individuals often struggle to maintain their sense of self amidst overwhelming familial demands.
Studies show that cultivating assertiveness is essential for balancing personal needs with family expectations, allowing individuals to communicate boundaries effectively.
Therapists often recommend practicing assertive communication techniques, which can empower individuals to express their feelings while reducing interpersonal conflict.
OP requested advice from the community on how to handle the situation
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“If he truly cares for your presence, merely being there, with or without the religious clothing, should be enough for him.”
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The Role of Identity in Personal Choices
Research in developmental psychology indicates that identity formation is a critical aspect of adolescence and young adulthood, where individuals are tasked with carving out their own beliefs, values, and life paths.
Dr. Michelle Lee, a psychologist at Stanford University, emphasizes that rejecting imposed identities can be a pivotal step toward authentic self-expression.
Furthermore, studies have shown that individuals who successfully navigate this process tend to experience greater well-being and higher self-esteem, as they are more aligned with their genuine selves.
“Tell your dad that you will either visit him in person without the hijab, or visit him virtually without the hijab.”
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“NTA. Your father can accept you the way you are or accept that he won't see you while he's in the hospital.”
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From a therapeutic standpoint, engaging in reflective practices can help individuals clarify their values and desires.
Experts suggest journaling as a powerful tool for self-exploration, where individuals can articulate their thoughts and feelings away from familial scrutiny.
This practice not only aids in understanding one's own needs but also fosters emotional growth, allowing for healthier decision-making in the face of familial pressure.
“You do not practice their religion, and they cannot force you to practice it now.”
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“NTA. Do not go back to visit these people; they are abusive, cruel, and downright evil.”
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Redditors reassured OP that she was NTA in this situation—if her dad truly cared, her presence alone should suffice. Sadly, OP painted a very tragic picture that leaned towards saying that showing up without a hijab was worse than not showing up at all.
The decision was going to be a deeply personal one, but Redditors urged her to stay true to herself and prioritize her well-being over performative acts.
Do you agree with this verdict? Let us know in the comments.
“Can they be trusted to not try to kidnap you, or worse?”
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“Be VERY careful. This could be a trick.”
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Coping with Emotional Appeals
When faced with emotional appeals from family, it's crucial to understand the psychological concept of 'emotional blackmail,' where individuals may feel guilt or obligation due to the intense emotional reactions of others.
According to Dr. John K. Pollard, emotional blackmail can lead to chronic stress and resentment, significantly impacting mental health.
Recognizing these dynamics is the first step toward reclaiming one's autonomy and making decisions that honor both personal and familial needs.
Psychological Analysis
This situation highlights the conflict between individual autonomy and familial loyalty, often leading to intense emotional turmoil.
It's common for people to feel torn between their needs and the expectations of loved ones, particularly in cultures where family ties are emphasized.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Understanding the complex interplay of familial expectations and personal identity is vital in navigating these situations.
Clinical psychologists affirm that self-awareness and assertive communication are key in managing such pressures effectively.
By prioritizing personal values while maintaining compassion for family members, individuals can find a path that honors both their needs and familial bonds.
