Redditors React As Woman Reveals Why She Refused Making Pumpkin Pie For Thanksgiving At MIL's

Family gatherings can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, they're a chance to bond and create lasting memories. On the other hand, they can bring out the worst in people.

The pressure to perform, the criticism, and the expectations can be overwhelming. Some family members might feel like they're walking on eggshells, trying to avoid conflict.

Others might feel like they're being judged or criticized. The tension can be palpable, and the stress can linger long after the gathering is over.

In some cases, family members might feel like they're being forced to choose between their own happiness and the desire to maintain peace. The dynamics can be complex, and the emotions can run deep.

When holidays approach, these feelings can intensify. People might find themselves wondering how they'll navigate the situation and what the outcome will be.

For OP, Thanksgiving is a particularly sensitive topic. The annual gathering at her in-laws' place has become a test of endurance, with MIL's constant criticism and lack of appreciation taking a toll on OP.

Her husband's reaction might be coming from a place of wanting to avoid conflict, but it's essential for OP to communicate her feelings and boundaries. OP's story raises important questions about boundaries, expectations, and the differences of family relationships.

Keep scrolling down to read the full story in the OP's own words.

The OP writes...

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The OP says that this would be fine if only she didn't come up with inane complaints

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None of the desserts the OP made were totally up to her MIL's standards

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Family dynamics during holiday gatherings can often lead to tension, as noted by family therapist Dr. Janet Lansbury. She explains that expectations around food preparation can become symbolic battlegrounds for deeper issues. When someone refuses to cater to these expectations, it can feel like a rejection of family values.

Dr. Lansbury suggests that open conversations about roles and contributions can help alleviate pressure. Families should discuss preferences and boundaries ahead of time to minimize misunderstandings and resentment.

Promoting Healthy Communication

A relationship expert recently pointed out that clear communication is essential for maintaining harmony during family gatherings. When people avoid discussing their needs, it can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. Establishing a 'family code' for open discussions can be beneficial.

Dr. Esther Perel emphasizes that each family member should feel empowered to voice their preferences. This not only promotes understanding but also creates a foundation of respect. Over time, this practice can transform family dynamics, making gatherings more enjoyable for everyone involved.

MIL said that store-bought food has no place on her dining table

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OP's husband says that she shouldn't let a few comments get under her skin

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I fear I really am being childish and petty like people have said since I've done this for the previous years without complaint.

As usual, the comments roll in and we have gathered up a bunch of them below

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According to psychologist Dr. Brené Brown, vulnerability is a crucial element in family relationships. When someone feels pressured to conform to family traditions—like making a pumpkin pie—it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or resentment. Dr. Brown emphasizes that authenticity fosters deeper connections.

Encouraging family members to express their feelings openly can create an atmosphere where everyone feels valued. This approach not only prevents conflict but also enhances emotional bonding during gatherings.

All the food on the table is technically store bought and that's the truth

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This is again another husband issue as OP's husband could have done better

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OP's husband can go make the pie

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Navigating Family Expectations

Conflict during family gatherings is often a result of unspoken expectations, as highlighted by Dr. Michael Thompson, a child psychologist. He notes that many family members carry forward traditions without questioning their relevance, which may lead to feelings of obligation rather than joy.

Dr. Thompson recommends setting clear boundaries, stating that family members should openly discuss their roles and preferences. This proactive approach can prevent misunderstandings and foster a more inclusive atmosphere where everyone feels comfortable expressing their needs.

Women are not the only ones that can use a stove

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Buying a store made and placing it on a plate

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Both her sons can make the pie and bring it over

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Dr. Sue Johnson, a relationship expert, highlights that emotional safety is vital during family gatherings. She explains that families often fall into negative patterns of interaction, particularly during high-stress occasions like Thanksgiving. When someone feels overwhelmed, it can lead to withdrawal or defensiveness.

To improve familial relationships, Dr. Johnson suggests incorporating regular family meetings to discuss feelings and expectations. This creates a space for emotional expression and can prevent conflicts from escalating during holiday gatherings. Encouraging open dialogue is key.

OP's frustration and decision to express herself are understandable. It's not about being childish; it's about being treated with respect.

OP has contributed to the family gatherings, but her efforts have been met with criticism. Mary's behavior is unacceptable, and it's okay for OP to express herself.

As we reflect on OP's situation, we're left wondering: how do we balance our desire to please our loved ones with our own needs and boundaries? The outcome is far from certain, and you can leave your thoughts about it below.

Expert Opinion

In family dynamics, especially during gatherings, the stress of expectations can create a lot of tension. OP's refusal to make the pumpkin pie highlights an important psychological principle: when people feel undervalued or criticized, they may push back to assert their boundaries. It’s crucial for individuals to communicate their feelings and needs, as unvoiced frustrations can lead to larger conflicts down the line.

Moving Forward: Actionable Steps

Family gatherings, especially during the holidays, can be fraught with tension and unspoken expectations. Experts like Dr. Janet Lansbury and Dr. Brené Brown emphasize the importance of open communication and vulnerability in mitigating conflict. Establishing a culture of emotional safety allows family members to express their needs without fear of backlash.

By proactively discussing roles and expectations before the gathering, families can foster an environment of understanding and respect, making the Thanksgiving experience more enjoyable for everyone involved.