35 Online Users Share Their Parents' Toxic Attitudes They Experienced As Children
Some people have shown the negative effects of bad parenting on them.
It's part of human nature to make mistakes. That's why every parent can never be perfect, no matter how much they love their children.
Parenting is a complex and ever-evolving journey filled with both joy and challenges. Moms and dads navigate this path with the best of intentions, but it's impossible to get everything right all the time.
Overprotectiveness is among the biggest mistakes of parents. It's only natural to want to shield our little ones from harm and discomfort, but sometimes, moms and dads can go a tad overboard.
Allowing children to explore, make small mistakes, and learn from their own experiences is needed for their growth and independence. Another common mistake is unrealistic expectations.
Parents often set high standards for their kids, hoping they'll excel in everything they do. But they need to remember that every child is unique, with their strengths and weaknesses.
Consistency in parenting is a challenge too. Parents sometimes give in to their children's demands just to maintain peace, but clear rules and boundaries are crucial.
Over at AskReddit, a user named VastPurpleSky asked community members to share what they think are good examples of bad parenting based on their childhoods. We've compiled 35 of the best answers below.
Toxic masculinity
Three words:"Boys dont cry."I dedicate this comment to my school counselor and my PE coach who both helped me get off the road to becoming a psychopath by telling me very much so that boys can and do indeed cry.
GetOutOfTheWheySome parents think that children are investments.
Made us feel like they were doing us a favor by raising us. For a long time I felt like I was always indebted to my parents and nothing I could do would ever be enough.
tsagdiyevSome parents sill practice corporal punishment.
My family still believes beating a kid is a great form of discipline instead of just sitting down with and talking to your child. Who would’ve thought that Beating your child when they’re young, and barely getting to know them when they’re a teenager, would lead to them almost never reaching out to you when they’ve grown up and moved out? Mind blowing right??Also, I absolutely CANNOT stress enough how important it is to show up to your child’s extracurricular activities. I played tennis all 4 years of high school and did marching band as well and I can count on 1 hand how many times they even bothered to show up.Your job is never going to remember you worked there, but your child will *always* remember you *weren’t* there.
Windebieste_Ultima
The Long-Term Effects of Toxic Parenting
The impact of toxic parenting on children can be profound and long-lasting. Dr. Rachel Simmons, a child development expert at Harvard University, emphasizes that children raised in environments characterized by negativity and criticism often struggle with self-esteem and emotional regulation in adulthood. Research indicates that these children may internalize toxic behaviors, leading to difficulties in forming healthy relationships as they grow older.
Understanding these patterns is crucial for breaking the cycle of toxicity in families.
The feeling of being not good enough
Nothing I did was good enough. Like, if she asked me to fold laundry and I'd do it, and then she'd redo it because I guess I folded the towels wrong.I'd clean my room, she'd come in and redo everything I'd done. And she wouldn't teach me how she wanted things done, she'd just send me away and tell me she'd do it herself. Taught me that I shouldn't even bother trying to help because she's just going to redo whatever I did anyway, because I guess I was just a failure.
deagh
Weight comments kills a person's self confidence.
All the weight comments. I was always a chunky kid and definitely needed/need to lose the weight, but I’ve never been able to shake the idea that I don't deserve to be loved, because of those comments.I can always look down and see 50 extra reasons to hate myself
sephoraobsessed
Parents need to be the ones to help stop the bullying.
They werent bad parents at all, but:Stop saying "just ignore them and theyll get tired of you" when your child is getting bulliedIt doesnt work. Your child will just be a punching bag.I did however break somones foot in 5th grade and never got bothered again.
Mario-OrganHarvester
Studies published in the Journal of Family Psychology illustrate that children exposed to toxic attitudes are at a higher risk for developing anxiety and depression. These findings underscore the importance of addressing unhealthy behaviors within familial structures to promote healthier emotional development. The emotional toll of such experiences can manifest in various ways, including difficulties in trust and attachment in future relationships.
This hurts.
Why can't you be like.......?
JlTlS
Children deserve food that will nourish them well. Ramen will never be enough.
Buy ramen instead of nutritious food so that they could afford more cigarettes.Mercilessly mock our insecurities and then say they were "just joking" and that we needed to "toughen up" when we got upset.Refuse to apply for Medicaid or foodstamps because they weren't "trashy" and let me and my sister go sick/hungry for their pride. (This one makes me extra angry because as an adult now I know they qualified and also my maternal grandparents were well off and could have helped but my mother would rather starve than accept their scrutiny)
Odd-Astronaut-92
Words that will crush a kid.
I've always knownI asked my mom if she was proud of me. She said I hadn't done anything for her to be proud of.I was 12.
Katdroyd
Breaking the Cycle of Toxicity
Breaking the cycle of toxic parenting requires insight and effort. According to trauma specialists, recognizing and addressing one’s own patterns of behavior is the first step toward change. Engaging in therapy can be an effective way to process these experiences and develop healthier parenting strategies. Research indicates that individuals who seek help often report improved relationships with their children and partners.
Conceal. Don't feel.
Learning at an early age to bottle up emotions and not to show any. No one can hurt you if you don’t feel.Growing up, I was constantly needled about my emotions. I was only child, and at any point I wasn’t acting as they thought I should they’d basically bully and make fun of me until I either broke and cried, to which I’d be disciplined, or just go numb.Now as a adult I’m my mid thirties, I’m emotionally stunted and have a difficult time connecting with anyone emotionally.
agentorange360
Parent teaches her kid to become a people pleaser.
My mom raised me to believe that what other people think of me is more important than than what I think of myself. Every action had to be accompanied by a thought of how it would affect the family (i.e. her). So of course I became depressed because I don't want people seeing me doing something "wrong". Even this response has been rewritten a couple times because I can't stop myself.She's recently complained about how I never talk to them and I'm pretty sure this is gonna be unloaded this weekend.
Stone_Reign, Pexels
Kid having a hard time to make friends.
They didn't allow me to go out with my friends at all. I was basically grounded by default. My weekend schedule was jam-packed with various lessons. As a result, I took longer to develop social skills.
horny_loki
For those who recognize toxic patterns in their own parenting, education about healthy parenting practices can be beneficial. Programs that focus on positive reinforcement and emotional support can help parents cultivate healthier relationships with their children. According to research from the American Psychological Association, these programs can significantly reduce the likelihood of perpetuating toxic behaviors.
Kids deserve to know that they are loved.
Never ever said to me “. I love you”. Seriously, how f****d is that?
United_Crew_4554
Kids can't have friends when parents decide to move around a lot.
My parents moved house basically every other year. For them it was a new job, new opportunities … for me it meant regularly losing all my friends, new school, etc. I never built up a circle of friends and have problems to do so until this day.When I had a kid, I made sure she can go to the same school from kindergarden to the final exams (which start next week, BTW), so she doesn’t have to go through this.Now she’s very keen on finally getting to know a different environment when she’ll start uni in autumn. Probably she’s around here, complaining that her parents stayed at the same boring place all her life… ;-)
saschaleib
Kids aren't their parents' therapists.
my dad trauma dumped all these really dark and twisted details of what he went through on me as if I was his therapist
iwilltakeurlife
The Role of Awareness and Reflection
Awareness and reflection are vital components of healing from toxic parenting experiences. A study from the University of Toronto found that individuals who actively reflect on their childhood experiences are more likely to identify patterns that they wish to change. This process of reflection can facilitate emotional growth and lead to healthier relationships in the future.
Encouraging dialogues about emotional experiences within families can create a supportive environment for healing.
The effect of always listening to "Because I said so."
responding with "do this because I said so". seems harmless, right? it can teach stubborn kids respect and obedience. My mom would often use it. I wasn't allowed to question things or point out mistakes. Now as an adult, I developed an inferior mindset. I'm often extremely obedient when interacting with people. I find it hard to find my own voice
bland-soup
Bribery.
my dad would always buy my brother and i whatever we wanted if he hit or yelled at us. realizing now that i’m older it was just so we didn’t tell our mom
Inevitable_Leek_1622
Even kids need their privacy.
Read my diary
itsdestinfool
When the parents are the bullies.
Laughing at me for various s**t even though they were joking. Music, hobbies, girlfriends, my body. I understand they were joking but it took a lot to get my confidence back and they also wonder why I don't tell them anything about my life.
beansff
Inconsistency is bad parenting.
First - Being inconsistent. One day mom would overly obsess about my homework, or how clean my room was, or what I was going to "do with my life", etc., the next day it was all forgotten as if it never happened.Second - If I mentioned wanting to do anything, I was given a long list of why it could and would go wrong to the point where I felt beaten down and didn't want to do it anymore, then I was accused of never sticking to anything.Third - Telling me I wasn't trying, or not trying hard enough, when in reality I was trying as best I could. It simply made me realize that there was no point in my efforts, so why bother at all.
FinnbarMcBride
Micromanaging dad.
Growing up my father micromanaged everything to a point that he would decide how much time the window in my room will remain open, I wasn't allowed to open or close the window as I wish. This goes for everything, I had to take his permission for every little thing, I had no free will home was basically a military camp. I felt so suffocated in that house.
SuvenPan, prostock-studio
So much for being a Christian family.
Lots of yelling and bulling, spanking, then go to church like a good little Christian family wtf 🤷♀️ very confusing upbringing that’s all I’m saying
Individual-Spirit-75
Autism in kids shouldn't be ignored.
Ignoring my autism diagnosis and acting as if I'll be fine in life if they treat me as they did my siblings. Turns out, a huge part of learning to navigate the world when you have autism involves learning coping strategies (that sometimes might not work for most people) and thus I was pushed into situations that caused meltdowns but without any coping strategies that actually worked I just became an anxious and depressed mess.
Dragime84, Pexels
How to break a kid's trust.
Making promises and not following through on them.
anon
Parents staying together for their kids isn't always the best solution.
They stayed together “for me”, my mum made me her therapist at the ripe age of 10, my mum talked to me about our bad economy, my mum wouldn’t teach me how to talk care of myself at all until i was 16, my dad laughed and made fun of me when i failed at stuff, my dad used to jokingly almost drown me and put me in situations where i was afraid, my dad would call me a pig for eating a lot, my mum always felt the need to point out my acne even when i didn’t ask, they fought in front of me and used me to their advantages in the arguments, they only ever congratulated me when it came to grades and sports.When i was younger i never realised how bad all this was because it was all I knew, it wasn’t until I was 16 i realised how f****d up it all was
False-Guess, milan-radulovics-images12876947
Negligence in parents causes long-term medical health problem.
had money but never let us kids have regular medical check ups/ never got us braces no matter how bad our teeth are and said its our responsibility to do those things when we’re older :// They did horrible things but this realization often made me tear up.For context, I have a lifetime illness that needs checking up every 3 months
Lobstermeat420, gettyimages
Treating kids equally isn't always the best solution.
So I just want to preface this by saying that I had a good childhood, my parents loved me, and I believe they really did try their best.One of the things they did that I think is bad parenting is they constantly tried to make sure things were "equal" between me and my siblings. For example, for awhile they experimented with paying us extra allowance for good grades.I was always good in school, so I almost always ended up with all A's, so I got a lot of money. My sibling was (and still is) a lazy f**k so they would hardly get any except for PE.Despite that, my parents found ways to "even things out" so they would still have some spending money. It created an incentive for my sibling to continue being a lazy f**k, and disincentivized me working hard. I still did because I wanted to go to college, but it definitely created animosity.I think parents should treat their kids equitably, but children are not equal and should not be treated like they are equal. Each is an individual with their own strengths and weaknesses, and what works for some may not work for others.
vent1te, sergeynivens
This person's parents don't deserve to be parents.
They isolated and neglected me.
anon
User had multiple bad experiences with their parents.
- Never gave me any encouragement to do anything. Anything I wanted to do was met with negativity and criticism. Looking back, I think they were trying some reverse psychology b******t, but I’ve never worked that way and now I just don’t try to do anything, really.- My Dad that little brothers are naturally superior and always told him that he didn’t have to listen to me or do what I said. Which baby brother took as wholesale permission to do whatever he wanted - go to my room and start wrecking s**t, take any of my stuff he wanted, etc and if I told him to stop it’s always “I don’t have to listen to you! I don’t have to listen to you! Ha ha!” Unsurprisingly he also ended up getting into trouble at school a lot. We had a really bad relationship until I moved out for University.- Used to punish me for telling the truth, which just led to me lying and hiding things and never really telling them anything at all to be honest.
Apprehensive_Bug_826, gettyimages
This is such a bad practice.
Letting the TV be a babysitter.
ShroomerOfCatan
Parents didn't ensure their child is eating healthily.
Let me eat as much as I want, to the point that I weighed 131kg at my peak. Losing all s**t is hard man. But I'm down to 94kg now and let me tell you, there is no possibility that my future kid(s) will ever be obese.
Ukrainian_Tractor07
Favoritism.
Giving my brother a present on my birthday.
TheDood715
Love isn't enough. Parents also have the responsibility of guiding their children.
My parents weren’t bad parents but I would say they were kind of benignly neglectful. I was clothed and fed and loved but not guided in any way at all. Everything was up to me. If I did homework, if I brushed my teeth or bathed. if I went to school, applying for college. Luckily I’m pretty naturally a rule follower and self driven or who knows how I would have turned out.
00Lisa00
Children shouldn't be caged in their rooms.
Put a lock on my bedroom door
McNamee93SAFC
Parents need to be willing to talk about relationships with their children.
Completely shut down any kind of relationship conversation. It was a blanket "no". Not up for debate. Ok, I grew up in a pretty conservative part of the world but that's not an excuse to treat having a boyfriend as sacrilegious. ( In my all girl's K - 12 school, a student could get expelled for talking to a boy over the school wall. )
dee615
Unfortunately, bad parenting can lead to serious long-term problems. While it can be challenging to be a good parent, moms and dads should always be willing to do their best at learning and correcting their mistakes, especially if they notice their children are having behavior problems.
Parents should always strive to create a happy and healthy environment for their children.
Psychological Analysis
This topic underscores the complexity of familial relationships and their lasting impact on individual well-being. Recognizing toxic behaviors and seeking to change them is a significant step toward personal and relational healing.
Encouraging open discussions about parenting experiences can lead to healthier family dynamics and better emotional health.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
The psychological impacts of toxic parenting are well-documented and deserve attention. Understanding these patterns is essential for breaking the cycle and promoting healthier family dynamics.
Seeking help and focusing on positive parenting strategies can pave the way for emotional healing and resilience.
