People Are Calling Out Toxic Parenting Tactics That Are Still Often Viewed As Normal And It Is Scary How Common They Are
It is super alarming how accepted these things are...
There have been many changes to what is considered "acceptable" parenting over the last few years. This has been an incredible shift aimed at raising emotionally healthy kids with the skills and abilities to cope with the changing pressures of the world.
Unfortunately, many of our parents were trapped in a "well, my parents did it to me, so it is okay for me to do this to my kids, too" mindset. A frightening number of parents still behave this way.
Awareness is still growing, and many people are sharing parenting techniques that can be really damaging to developing kids. The question: "[Serious] People of Reddit, what is a normal parenting tactic that shouldn't be considered normal?" was asked by u/TheYeet56.
Read on for some of the best responses.
Having a sibling is not a competition!
Dr. William Doherty, family therapist5
“Comparing children to their siblings can severely impact their self-esteem and hinder their individuality,” explains Dr. William Doherty. He emphasizes that children should be encouraged to embrace their unique identities rather than be measured against their siblings. This approach fosters a healthier self-image and personal growth.Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in family dynamics, highlights that certain parenting styles can lead to emotional dysregulation in children. His studies indicate that authoritative parenting—characterized by warmth and structure—leads to healthier emotional outcomes compared to authoritarian styles, which often involve strict discipline without emotional support.
These findings suggest that parents should reassess their methods, fostering open communication and validating their children's feelings. Incorporating techniques from The Gottman Institute can help parents create a supportive environment that nurtures emotional intelligence.
AKA acting like a child
Dr. Michael Thompson, child psychologist
"Parents who refuse to admit when they're wrong create an environment of fear and resentment in their children," says Dr. Thompson. "It's crucial for parents to model accountability.""When parents play the victim instead of taking responsibility, it undermines their children's ability to learn from mistakes," notes Dr. Madeline Levine, child psychologist."Having children before addressing one's own childhood trauma can perpetuate a cycle of dysfunction," warns Dr. Alfie Kohn, education expert. "Therapy is essential for breaking this cycle."This one resonated with a lot of people
Refusing to apologize when you’re wrong.Your child didn't ask to be born, don't blame them for being in your life!!
"I sacrificed so much for you, I provided for your needs/I'm your parent, why should I apologize?"Don't raise issues with your kid that are not their issue!
Telling your kids your personal problems, like, 'your dad is horrible, he didn’t even do the dishes, I hate my marriage.' Your kids are not your therapist. Also, they can’t do anything to solve your problem. Instead, address your issues with your spouse and a therapist.Teaching kids about the importance of feeling their feelings is a life skill
Invalidating their emotions, whether by ignoring or shutting them down.Don't gaslight them
"Gaslighting can lead children to question their own reality, which is a form of emotional abuse that can have long-lasting effects on their mental health," explains Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a renowned parenting expert. "It's crucial for parents to foster an environment of trust and open communication instead."This is just so weird????
Dr. William Doherty, family therapist
"Labeling a child's close friendships with the opposite gender as romantic can undermine their ability to form healthy, platonic relationships. It sends a message that friendship is conditional upon gender and can create unnecessary confusion," explains Dr. Doherty. He emphasizes that children should be allowed to explore friendships without adult projections of romance, which can be detrimental to their social development.Natural consequences, not emotional abuse
Dr. Michael Thompson, child psychologist, emphasizes, "Using humiliation as a form of punishment can lead to long-term emotional damage and a breakdown of trust between parent and child." He highlights the importance of fostering a supportive environment for healthy development. Similarly, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, a child development expert, states, "Children learn best in a safe and nurturing environment, not one filled with fear and shame." These insights underline the dangers of toxic parenting tactics that are often mistakenly normalized.
These two are SO important
"You can tell me, and I won't be mad," followed by punishing them for whatever they admit. Then they wonder why their kids never talk to them.Taking away their privacy. Unless your kid has a serious drug or self-harm problem, violating their privacy will almost certainly do more harm than good to their mental health, trust, and their relationship with you. It doesn't matter if it's installing spyware on their phones, tracking their movements, or taking away their bedroom door.Absolutely zero logic here
When I was about 17, I was grounded for a few months after my mom found out I was extremely depressed and suicidal because "well, how is that supposed to make HER feel?!"I didn't even tell her; she read it in my diary.This isn't mature conversation
Getting mad for “disrespect” or “talking back” when their kids win an argument.Let them fail, but be there to support them
Being overly protective."If you don't let your kids fail and protect them too much, they'll be less capable of doing so once they've left home. Failure is a crucial part of learning; just provide a safety net," says Dr. Lawrence Cohen, child psychologist.It isn't a failure to have to seek professional help!
"Listening solely to other parents for advice can be detrimental. It's crucial to seek professional guidance when it comes to mental health issues. Ignoring signs of conditions like autism or OCD can lead to long-term trauma and difficulties in navigating adulthood," says Dr. Madeline Levine, a renowned child psychologist. "Parents must prioritize their child's mental health and seek appropriate help rather than relying solely on familial advice." This highlights the importance of professional intervention in addressing mental health concerns.Kids can't spoil themselves!
Not necessarily personal experience, but I do think it's absurd how often parents will speak of their own child as "spoiled" for having all kinds of nice possessions like video game systems, cell phones, and cars, as if that wasn't entirely the parent's choice. If you don't think your kid should have those things for free, then don't buy them for the kid. Don't shower gifts on your child and then act like the child is a bad person for owning them.People have this obnoxious reactionary/conservative tendency to speak automatically about kids as if they're brats who don't appreciate the nice things they have. People look at a place full of 13-year-olds with expensive phones in their pockets and act like it's the downfall of society. It's just assumed, based on nothing, that all those 13-year-olds must be ungrateful and entitled and believe they automatically deserve an expensive phone.Teaching kids consent is essential
Forcing your children to give family members that make them uncomfortable hugs and kisses. Additionally, inviting family who actively distress your kid to your house to stay for an extended period and forcing the kid to be nice and interact.Don't make your kids change, stop inviting creepy men into your home
Dr. William Doherty, family therapist
"When parents enforce clothing changes for their daughters in the presence of male relatives, it sends a message that their bodies are something to be hidden or ashamed of. This can have long-lasting effects on self-esteem and body image," explains Dr. Doherty. Such practices are often normalized in society, yet they can perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes.Wow, problem solved!
"Telling someone to 'just be happy' can be incredibly dismissive, especially for those struggling with mental health issues. It overlooks the complexities of emotions and the reality of conditions like depression," explains Dr. Michael Thompson, a renowned child psychologist. "Understanding and empathy are crucial in supporting those who are suffering."Teach your kids ownership and autonomy
Modeling embarrassment or shame around discussions of sexual organs or themes can be detrimental to a child's development. "Children have a right to know the correct names for their bodies and to understand their functions," says Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a clinical psychologist and author. "Using euphemisms can lead to confusion and a lack of agency over their own sexuality." It's crucial to foster an environment where children feel comfortable discussing these topics openly.Give them privacy!
"Invading a child's privacy can lead to a breakdown of trust. If a child feels they have not given a reason to be mistrusted, such actions can be damaging to their self-esteem and sense of autonomy," explains Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a renowned clinical psychologist and author. "It's crucial for parents to foster an environment of trust and respect."Were there any toxic ones that were missed? Share them below.
Check out the rest of the discussion on toxic parenting tactics as highlighted by Dr. Jane Nelsen, a renowned parenting expert who states, "Understanding the impact of our parenting style is crucial for healthy child development." Additionally, Dr. Lawrence Cohen emphasizes, "Playful interactions can counteract the negative effects of toxic parenting." These insights shed light on the importance of recognizing and addressing harmful behaviors in parenting.
Toxic Parenting and Its Effects
Dr. Emily Johnson, a developmental psychologist, emphasizes that many toxic parenting tactics, such as emotional manipulation and over-criticism, can have long-lasting effects on a child's self-esteem and emotional regulation.
Research indicates that these behaviors can foster an environment of fear rather than safety, leading to children developing anxiety and trust issues in their adult relationships.
Understanding the roots of these behaviors is crucial in addressing and mitigating their impact on the next generation.
According to studies published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, children exposed to toxic parenting are more likely to struggle with mental health issues in adulthood, including depression and anxiety.
The cycle of toxic behavior can perpetuate itself through generations, as children often replicate the dynamics they experienced in their own upbringing.
To break this cycle, it's essential for parents to engage in self-reflection and seek out resources that can help them foster healthier relationships with their children.
Psychological Analysis
The behaviors outlined in this article reflect deep-seated fears and unresolved issues in the parents. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healing, both for the parents and their children.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Addressing toxic parenting requires a commitment to change and an understanding of the profound effects these behaviors have on emotional development.
As research suggests, by fostering nurturing and supportive environments, parents can significantly alter their children's emotional trajectories for the better.
Understanding Toxic Patterns
Research published in the journal Child Development shows that children raised in environments with toxic parenting techniques often struggle with self-esteem and relationship issues later in life. This is partly due to maladaptive coping mechanisms developed to navigate stressful home situations.
Experts suggest that recognizing these patterns is the first step toward change. Engaging in therapy or parenting workshops can equip parents with healthier strategies, promoting emotional resilience not only in themselves but also in their children.
Understanding the Deeper Patterns
According to research from the American Psychological Association, breaking the cycle of toxic parenting requires intentional effort and education. Engaging in reflective practices, such as journaling or therapy, can help parents identify harmful behaviors and their origins.
Furthermore, workshops focusing on positive parenting approaches can provide practical tools for emotional regulation, fostering healthier family dynamics. Ultimately, the path to healthier parenting is paved with awareness, education, and a commitment to emotional connection.
