Boyfriend’s "Traditional Wife" Fantasy Falls Apart After Girlfriend Says She'll Never Be A Stay-At-Home Mom
A visit home triggered a conversation that may very well end this relationship.
Some couples break up over cheating. Others fall apart over money, communication, or long distance. Then there are relationships that crumble simply because two people want very different futures. That is exactly what happened to this couple after a trip to his hometown.
A 24-year-old woman and her 25-year-old boyfriend traveled to attend a family funeral. She already knew he came from a big family, but nothing prepared her for what she saw when they arrived.
His mom runs their household like a full-time career. Thirteen kids, a spotless huge home, constant cooking, laundry, childcare, gardening, and even making her husband's breakfast and lunch every morning. His dad works, comes home to a full meal ready, and does not lift a finger in the house.
The girlfriend didn’t find anything wrong with his mom personally. In fact, she thought his mom was kind, warm, and welcoming. But she knew instantly that lifestyle wasn’t for her.
She has a career she loves and doesn’t plan on giving it up. She doesn’t dream of running a household solo or waking up before dawn to cook and iron every day.
On the flight home, her boyfriend told her how much he admired his parents' dynamic. This got her a bit unsettled, and she calmly told him she would never live that way.
At this point, he had to clarify that he didn’t expect her to be exactly like his mom, but he did expect her to stay home more if they had kids. Unfortunately for him, she wasn't buying into his idea. In fact, she made it clear that if that’s what he wanted, then they would have to go their separate ways.
Now he’s pulled back and gone quiet. And she’s wondering if that trip just revealed a future they can’t share. Scroll through the screenshots below to see how it all unfolded.
Let’s dig into the details…
Reddit.comWhen she arrived at her boyfriend’s family home, she realized his mom was basically the engine of the entire home. Nothing functions without her
Reddit.comHer boyfriend’s mom also cooks a whole lot, every single day
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Navigating Relationship Expectations
Dr. Eli Finkel, a leading relationship researcher, emphasizes that mismatched expectations can create significant strain in a relationship. He notes that conversations about future roles, especially around parenting and career aspirations, should happen early on.
When partners feel pressured to conform to traditional roles, especially in the context of family expectations, it can lead to resentment. Proactive discussions about individual goals can foster understanding and alignment.
Creating a Shared Vision
Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, suggests that couples should visualize their future together. Engaging in exercises that explore both partners' dreams can create a roadmap for the relationship.
For instance, they can write down individual goals and then discuss how to align them. This collaborative effort not only strengthens their bond but also fosters a sense of partnership in navigating future challenges.
On their way home, her boyfriend spoke about how much he would like to have a family similar to what his parents have. However, she made it clear that she would never be a SAHM
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She threatened that they would break up if he wants a SAHM. Ever since, he has been distant
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Answers to some questions
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Dr. Laurie Mintz, a noted sex therapist, suggests that open dialogue can mitigate misunderstandings regarding personal aspirations. She advises couples to practice active listening and to express their desires clearly.
For instance, if one partner dreams of being a stay-at-home parent while the other values a dual-income household, addressing these topics sooner can prevent future conflicts. Creating a shared vision that respects both parties' desires is essential.
From her point of view, she and her boyfriend may not be compatible
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We gathered some interesting comments from the Reddit community
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According to this Redditor, the current economy may not encourage such a family dynamic, especially with so many mouths to feed
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The Importance of Open Communication
A relationship expert noted that many conflicts arise from unexpressed needs and fears. Establishing a safe space for dialogue allows both individuals to voice their aspirations without judgment.
Couples can benefit from setting aside regular times to discuss their future plans. This proactive approach not only strengthens the relationship but also allows for adjustments as life circumstances change.
“How about being happy that you dodged a bullet? He was not being honest with you. He wants a wife like his mother.”
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“OF COURSE he loves the way his family lives because he grew up a boy in a patriarchal house hold!”
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“You didn’t disrespect his family, you just rejected a lifestyle that doesn’t fit your values.”
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Dr. Pat Love, a relationship therapist, emphasizes the critical role of empathy in navigating differing expectations. By understanding each other's perspectives, couples can forge a deeper connection even amid disagreements.
Practicing empathy involves acknowledging each other's feelings and validating their experiences. This approach can transform potential conflicts into opportunities for growth and understanding.
“He's never in his life had to do his share of the load.”
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“NAH and you don't have to do anything. He asked for time and you're giving it to him.”
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Some breakups happen not because anyone is wrong, but because both people are right for themselves. This situation shows how watching someone else's family can force a couple to face a reality they haven’t talked through.
He wants a life modeled after what he grew up with, and she wants a partnership built differently. Neither desire is inherently bad, but not every pair can meet in the middle.
If they do decide to end things, it might be kinder than forcing roles that don’t fit. What do you think? Share your take in he comments.
Moving Forward: Actionable Steps
Ultimately, the key to overcoming relationship hurdles lies in communication and mutual respect. Couples who openly discuss their expectations and dreams are better equipped to navigate differences, fostering a healthier partnership.
Experts recommend regular check-ins and exercises that promote vulnerability and understanding. By creating a safe environment for sharing and aligning their goals, couples can transform potential conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection.
