Am I Wrong for Refusing to Forgive My Daughters Debt?

Some people don’t recognize a favor. In this Reddit post, a parent is stuck watching their daughter and son-in-law slide into public school, then gets stuck with a $10,000+ bill that was supposed to keep everything steady.

Here’s the messy part: when the daughter got laid off, she and her husband pulled their two kids from a parochial school and moved them to public. The OP didn’t want that change, so they loaned money for tuition, books, lunch, and more. Meanwhile, the OP built a building behind their home, and the SIL handled the electrical work, so nobody ever really “balanced” the whole thing in writing.

Now the daughter is asking to forgive part of the debt, claiming her husband helped out, and the OP is wondering if they’re really the bad guy.

Original Post

My daughter and her husband have two kids that are in a parochial school. He is an electrician and she was in medical.

She was laid off and they decided to take the kids out of parochial school and put them into public. I didn't want to see that happen so I loaned them over $10,000 for tuition, book, lunch, etc. so the kids could stay in their school.

I recently built a building behind my home. Outdoor kitchen/pool house type.

My SIL did all of the electrical. My daughter ended up finding a job and I asked the status of my money.

She asked how much they owed and I told them the exact amount I loaned them. She then asked about forgiving some of it because her husband helped me out.

I declined. Am I the a*****e?

INFO-there were no official terms to repay. They said they would pay back some monthly and some during income tax.

No written agreement. I provided all the material for the electrical work.

He was not compensated for his help.

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It also reminded me of someone challenging their family’s arranged marriage beliefs to choose a partner from a different culture.

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The loan was meant to keep the kids in parochial school, but the repayment plan stayed vague after the layoff and school switch.

When the OP asked what they owed, the exact number came out, and that’s when the daughter started talking about forgiving some of it.

The daughter’s argument hinges on the husband helping with the OP’s electrical project, even though the SIL’s work was never formally paid back.

With no written terms and payments promised “monthly and during income tax,” the OP’s refusal to forgive part of the debt is where the family line gets tested.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Nobody wants a “maybe we’ll forgive it” loan when the kids, the tuition, and the electrical work are all tied up together.

Before you decide whether to forgive, read how one person rejected family advice on adoption in a family showdown over adopting a child.