Why This Mom Refuses To Travel Alone With Her Newborn To Visit The In-Laws

For many new mothers, the early months of parenthood are already a balancing act of exhaustion, recovery, and learning on the fly. Add the challenges of solo parenting while a partner is deployed, and that balance becomes even more delicate.

One 23-year-old mother recently shared her dilemma in the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit, asking the online community if she is wrong for not wanting to fly across the country alone with her three-month-old baby. Currently, she and her infant son are living temporarily with her parents while her husband, 24, serves overseas.

He’s been gone for some time and has yet to meet their baby, and unfortunately, there’s no clear timeline for his return. Recently, her husband mentioned that his parents had invited her to visit them so they could meet their new grandchild.

The OP's in-laws had offered to cover the cost of the flight, a kind gesture, but one that doesn’t erase the practical and emotional hurdles of making such a trip. “Traveling there would take all day,” she explained.

“It’s four hours to the airport, a five-hour flight, then two hours to their house. And then I’d have to do that all over again to come home.”

Her in-laws are, by all accounts, wonderful people. Her mother-in-law already visited once when the baby was about six weeks old.

But the rest of the family hasn’t yet met the newest addition — something the young mother admits makes her feel guilty.

“I feel bad that my parents see our son every day while my in-laws never see him,” she said. “I know it isn’t fair to them, but would it be so bad to wait until my husband can help me with travel?”

The logistics of traveling with an infant, especially alone, can be daunting. Beyond the long travel hours, she would also need to bring essentials like a portable crib and other baby gear since her in-laws’ home isn’t yet equipped for a newborn.

Her plan was to make the trip once her husband returned from deployment so they could travel as a family and share the experience together. But the uncertainty around his return date has left her questioning whether waiting is the right choice.

The Redditor asked if she's the a**hole in this situation.

AI-generated image

Here's the original post by Reddit user zafferaa

I (F23) have a son (3mo), and we are temporarily living with my parents until my husband (M24) is done with his deployment. My husband has been gone for some time and has not met his son yet. Unfortunately, I don’t know when he will be back.This isn’t a super long or complicated story. My husband told me his parents asked if I could fly over to see them with the baby.For context, my MIL came to visit when our son was a month and a half old for a weekend, but nobody else on his side has met the baby yet. They are very nice people.They offered to pay for a plane ticket, which was very sweet of them, but I just don’t want to travel by myself with a baby. Traveling there would take all day. It would be about four hours to the airport, then five hours of flying, then two hours to their house. And then I’d have to do that again to get back home.Also, they don’t have a crib or any of the other baby things we will need, so I’ll have to bring those. I was hoping to visit them when my husband got back from his deployment, but like I said, I don’t know when that will be. Then, I’d have help. I feel bad that my parents see our son every day while my in-laws never see him.I know it isn’t fair to them, but would it be so bad to wait until my husband can help me with travel? So, AITA for saying no?

Balancing Family Dynamics

When navigating family dynamics, especially during significant life transitions like becoming a parent, communication is key. Family therapist Dr. William Doherty emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries and expectations. He notes that openly discussing the challenges of solo travel with family can help align expectations and reduce tension.

He suggests that families should work together to create supportive environments that respect the needs of new parents. Implementing regular check-ins can foster better understanding among family members, ultimately easing the pressure on the new mother.

Online, many parents empathized with her hesitation.

They pointed out that traveling solo with a baby is no small feat — especially for a first-time mom without her partner’s support. Others reassured her that waiting to introduce her baby to extended family until her husband returns is entirely reasonable.

"Let them come to you if they want to see the baby."

Reddit u/ConflictGullible392

"No!"

Reddit u/Sifiisnewreality

Traveling with a newborn can be daunting, especially for first-time parents. Child development expert Dr. Dan Siegel emphasizes that "the early months of parenthood can be incredibly overwhelming," and he advises parents to carefully consider their readiness for travel, taking into account both the infant's needs and the mother's well-being. Practical strategies such as gradual acclimatization to travel, starting with shorter trips, can ease anxiety. This preparation allows parents to build confidence in managing their child's needs in unfamiliar environments, ultimately leading to more enjoyable family experiences.

"It makes more sense for them to be the ones doing the traveling."

Reddit u/SoTotallyTired

"NTA."

Reddit u/K_A_irony

"That's a huge ask with such a young baby."

Reddit u/ProfessorYaffle1

Addressing Support Needs

According to maternal health expert Dr. Madeline Levine, new mothers often experience feelings of isolation, particularly when their partner is deployed. She emphasizes that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a necessary step in maintaining mental health.

Building a support network can significantly reduce stress for new mothers. Dr. Levine encourages engaging with local parenting groups or online communities that provide shared experiences and resources. This connection can help mothers feel less alone and more empowered in their parenting journey.

"They should be coming to visit you and the baby."

Reddit u/catskilkid

"That's unfair to the parent, and it's unnecessary stress for the child."

Reddit u/Sudden-Owl-1319

"It's completely unreasonable."

Reddit/Maximum-Ear1745

In understanding the challenges of solo parenting during travel, it’s crucial to recognize the importance of mental health. Parenting expert Dr. Jane Nelsen emphasizes that “acknowledging our fears is the first step toward overcoming them,” which can lead to deeper connections and support from loved ones. For new mothers, expressing their concerns about traveling alone can foster a sense of community and understanding.

Moreover, practicing self-compassion is vital. Dr. Nelsen advises that new parents should “embrace their feelings without judgment,” which can enhance emotional resilience in challenging situations. This mindset shift can transform the overwhelming experience of solo travel into a manageable adventure.

"There is no reason that burden should be on you."

Reddit u/pinkwineenthusiast

In the end, this story highlights a common modern tension: the pressure to please family versus the need to prioritize one’s own comfort, safety, and mental health. For this new mom, “not yet” isn’t about distance - it’s about knowing her limits and honoring what feels right for both her and her baby.

Expert Opinion

This mom’s hesitation to travel alone with a newborn highlights a crucial aspect of parenting: the need to balance personal comfort with familial obligations. Her feelings of guilt stem from societal pressures to maintain family connections, but prioritizing her own mental health and the well-being of her child is essential. It’s completely normal for new parents to set boundaries, especially when they’re navigating the challenges of solo parenting during a partner's absence.

Professional Assessment & Guidance

As new parents navigate the complexities of travel and family expectations, expert insights can offer valuable guidance. Open communication, setting boundaries, and building a support network are essential strategies that can alleviate stress.

Additionally, embracing vulnerability and practicing self-compassion can empower parents to address their fears and challenges more effectively. By implementing these expert recommendations, new mothers can foster healthier family dynamics and enjoy the journey of parenthood with greater confidence and support.