Heavily Pregnant and Injured Woman Asks How to Refuse MIL's Offer of Postpartum Help as She Can't Tolerate Her for 5 Weeks

Some people value their mental health much more than their physical health. For them, physical pain is something they can endure, but the violation of mental health is something they cannot bear.

Therefore, a Reddit user asked for advice on what she should do regarding her situation. The OP is currently 35 weeks pregnant and has a fractured ankle, which occurred over a week ago.

The OP's MIL was visiting them when the injury happened. The MIL initially minimized the severity of the OP's injury, showing annoyance at having to drive her to the hospital.

After tolerating several insensitive remarks from the MIL, the OP, overwhelmed with frustration, demanded that she leave and insisted to her husband that the MIL needed to go. However, following an apology from the MIL, the OP felt compelled to agree to her extended stay.

Surprisingly, the MIL was extremely helpful, although she inconsistently fulfilled her promises to assist with cooking and chores. The MIL proposed to return to stay with the OP during the final phase of the pregnancy and after childbirth.

However, the OP is conflicted, recognizing the potential assistance the MIL could provide, especially considering the physical challenges of mobility and household management while heavily pregnant and on crutches. The OP's husband is supportive of the MIL's offer but leaves the final decision to the OP.

The OP expresses concern about the MIL's return, citing her passive-aggressive nature and tendency to make snarky comments, which always puts her on edge. So, despite acknowledging the practical help of the MIL's stay, the OP is hesitant to agree to a prolonged visit of 3-5 weeks, fearing boundary overstepping, particularly during labor.

She seeks advice on whether it would be selfish to decline the MIL's offer or how to establish clear boundaries if she gives her another chance and allows her to stay.

OP asks:

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OP explained her complicated relationship with her MIL:

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But the MIL now wants to stay for the rest of her pregnancy and after the baby is born:

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Navigating Family Dynamics During Stressful Times

Dr. Jessica Lee, a clinical psychologist at UCLA, emphasizes the heightened stress that can occur during pregnancy, especially when external family dynamics are involved.

Women may feel particularly vulnerable during this time, making it essential to have supportive environments.

Research indicates that a lack of support can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and discomfort, making it harder to cope with relational tensions.

OP acknowledged it would be a great help to her husband:

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However, she is hesitant to accept the offer because of the MIL's passive-aggressive behavior:

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She asks if it would be selfish to decline the offer:

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Psychologists note that the presence of a difficult family member during postpartum recovery can lead to increased stress for new mothers.

Studies have shown that when mothers feel unsupported or judged, it can affect their mental health and bonding with their newborn.

Understanding the psychological implications of these dynamics is vital for fostering a nurturing environment during this critical transition period.

OP should be selfish

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She shouldn't allow her MIL to stay that long

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The broken ankle will heal in time, but the broken relationship won't

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Setting Healthy Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is crucial for maintaining mental health during stressful family dynamics.

Research suggests that clear boundaries can lead to healthier relationships where individuals feel respected and valued.

Encouraging new mothers to articulate their needs can empower them to create a more supportive environment, reducing stress and anxiety.

She needs to talk openly about boundaries if she accepts the offer

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Friends or neighbors may be a better solution

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The husband should look after himself and help her if needed

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From a practical perspective, consider engaging in open discussions about boundaries before the arrival of the baby.

Setting expectations regarding support roles can help minimize potential conflicts and misunderstandings.

Additionally, seeking support from therapist-led groups for new mothers can provide valuable insights and foster community, reducing feelings of isolation.

"It's not about MIL or her feelings"

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Experts suggest that it is perfectly acceptable for the OP to decline her mother-in-law's offer for postpartum help, as it is ultimately her choice. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, states, "Setting boundaries is essential for mental health, especially during such a vulnerable time." Furthermore, her husband, as an adult, should be capable of managing his responsibilities and supporting her with household tasks and caring for their newborn. According to Dr. Sue Johnson, a couples therapy pioneer, "Healthy relationships thrive on mutual support and understanding, and it’s important for partners to share the load."

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the unique stressors new mothers face, especially regarding family dynamics. Feeling overwhelmed by a difficult family member can hinder one’s ability to bond with their newborn. It’s important for mothers to set boundaries that prioritize their mental health and emotional well-being during this critical time.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the psychological impacts of family dynamics during pregnancy and postpartum is essential for promoting mental well-being.

By establishing boundaries and fostering open communication, families can create a more supportive environment for new mothers.