This Woman Asked If It Was Okay To Uninvite A Family Member After They Mocked Her Daughter's Disability
This is one of the most awful things someone can do!
Families are often naturally very competitive. There is a lot of competition between cousins, especially if they are of a similar age, though often this competition is inflicted by their parents not each other.
This is especially true of careers, and families cannot help but compare then with each other, even though we are all on different journeys in life. This is the story though, of one cousin who had their dream career being taken away from them, while the other cousin is well on the way to achieving theirs, but is an unkind and cruel person.
All of this has amounted in drama surrounding the guest list for a wedding. This person has taken to the “Am I the Asshole?” Thread on Reddit to ask if they are in the wrong for refusing to invite a member of the family to a wedding due to their cruel treatment of another family member.
It sounds simultaneously straight forward and also controversial. The people who are getting married have every right to include who they want, and exclude who they don’t; but what if they weren’t the ones in control of the guest list?
So, naturally, they asked the internet for advice.
"AITA for not inviting my brother or his family to my son's wedding until his daughter apologises for her actions?"
It was posted by u/Oldbath5119.
Hi all.My son David is getting married early next year. For the wedding we invited everyone in the family except my brother's family, and I've had my parents and sister calling me constantly demanding I change my mind.My daughter Martha is 20. Her ambition since she was little was to become a firefighter. Unfortunately in 2019 she was diagnosed with epilepsy, and while it isn't impossible to do that job with the condition, it's much more difficult, so her dream is essentially over.Martha was devastated. She got a job as a waitress while she figures out what she'd do instead. She hates the job but it's an income.Family Dynamics and Competition
Family dynamics can significantly affect individual behavior, particularly when competition is involved. According to research by Dr. Laura Carstensen at Stanford University, competition within families often arises from parental expectations and societal comparisons, leading to stress and anxiety among siblings and cousins.
This can manifest in harmful behaviors, such as mocking or belittling, particularly when one family member feels threatened by another’s accomplishments. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for fostering healthier interactions and reducing conflict.
Not long after she got the waitress job, we went for lunch with my parents. My brother's family were there, including his daughter Leah. She's two years older than Martha, and is a medical student, studying at our country's top university.Leah was trying to annoy Martha. She kept calling her "waitress" and demanding she bring her food. Martha told her to stop, but Leah said she was a doctor and fetching food was the only thing "little people" like Martha were useful for. Martha was on the verge of tears. She picked up a container and threw curry sauce at Leah, which ruined the dress she was wearing. Leah ran sobbing to her dad, who called Martha a "bully", despite Leah having a long history of picking on Martha. My parents and sister sided with them too, because apparently getting a pretty dress ruined is worse than having your dream crushed.We left immediately after, and I've had no contact at all with my brother for the past two years. When we invited everyone to my son's wedding, my parents were angry that we left my brother and his family out. For what it's worth, David fully supports not inviting them.I've said that I will consider inviting them only if Leah apologises for how she behaved towards Martha. My parents have accused me of "dragging out a petty grudge". I'm sorry but what Leah said and did was unforgivable. She tried to torment my daughter during the worst time of her life when she was grieving her dream and felt completely vulnerable. And she's been doing that sort of thing for years.It's David's special day, and I want all of us to enjoy it. That means keeping Leah away from Martha.Are we doing the right thing?So, let's see what the people think about this predicament!
NTA. If David is fine with it, don’t invite them. Leah’s not mature enough to attend a wedding anyway from the sound of things.Leah’s not mature enough to be a doctor either. NTA.Its worrying that this person with no empathy will become a doctor and interact with vulnerable people who are going through the worst times of their lives. I pray for all those patients that come in contact with her. I hope they survive their encounter.This is exactly how I felt too. Her dream was crushed by a medical condition, ya know, something she should be learning about in school.Instead of chastising her, she could idk show a little empathy…When you think about the potential repercussions for her future patients, Leah seems even worse
Even worse: this is how a future doctor is treating a person who has been negatively impacted by a medical diagnosis. What a shitty person and horrible healthcare provider Leah is/will be. I’m a huge what you do in your personal life shouldn’t affect your career, but this is just how Leah is and it will show in her job. She really should be kicked out of medicine. No patient deserves this. Oh man ... first my jaw dropped after reading what Leah said to Martha, and then I busted out laughing at what Martha threw at Leah.Great aim, Martha!NTA simply due to the fact that David can invite anyone he wants to his wedding for any reason. No one has to like it.Thanks for standing up for your daughter. Emotional abuse is never "petty."So long as the people whose wedding it actually is agree, and OP isn't inserting themselves in it
I'm confused as to why OP thinks they have any say over who gets invited. "I said that I will consider inviting them..." You mean David and his SO will consider? Cause it's their wedding and they alone get to invite who they want. Why do parents think they have a right to invite who they want? If David and SO agree then perfect but the final decision should be theirsHopefully OP stands up for their daughter to their face, as well
I want to know why OP didn’t actually stand up for their daughter as she was being belittled because from what I took from this was she was there at the table but didn’t say a word and that’s shitty.Why would Mrs high-and-mighty Doctor would even want to be at a wedding for people so beneath her (OPs brother).Hopefully OP just left out the part where she intervened and tried to stand up for her daughter and hasn’t just let her daughter grow up being her cousins punching bag. First things first - I too have epilepsy. I was diagnosed when I was 17 and couldn't go on to the career I wanted to have either. I took a little time off, got a retail job, and went to community college because I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life now. You have a goal and a focus and suddenly that's gone. It was so weird. It took 2 years to figure out what I wanted to do, got a degree in that and have been thriving. Martha will also. Us epileptics are tough and amazing people. Hugs to her.Now on to the topic, NTA. That cousin is HORRIBLE and I wouldn't let them anywhere near my precious daughter. Tell the rest of your family who is complaining to stay in their lane and mind their business. NTA- you’re never TA for cutting out toxic people in your life. Stand up for yourself and if the kid apologizes then understand that the only apology worth anything is changed behavior NTA. Leah sounds absolutely insufferable. Your parents only want you to change your mind because it’s more convenient for them since they won’t have to deal with your brothers’ bitching or that their granddaughter is a bully. NTA. Sorry Martha has a Leah in her life. Good for your son for sticking up for his sister. Hopefully Martha can find a path that’s satisfying for her.Maybe Leah and your brother’s family will learn a little humility somewhere along the way.NTA. But your family is. Your parents are no better in this situation. Don’t cave and invite your brother’s family. Good for you for sticking up for your daughter. nta but get security for this wedding. if your parents are refusing to see it through your eyes there’s a likelihood they’re gonna bring your brother’s family against everyone’s wishes.Well, this story certainly was something. All you can really do is feel terrible for the poor girl who, after having her dreams crushed, now also has to deal with bullying from her family.
Anyone who mocks someone for having a disability is undoubtedly and undeniably a terrible person. But what is also bad in this case, is the fact that a lot of her family are also bad people for refusing to stand up to a bully.
Bullying is still bad if it's coming from someone within your family--and it's even worse when the bystanders are the people who are supposed to be on your side. Was OP in the right?
Tell us your thoughts in the comments.
The Emotional Impact of Mockery
The act of mocking someone, especially regarding a personal attribute like a disability, can have deep emotional consequences. Psychologists emphasize that such behavior often stems from a lack of empathy and understanding.
Research has shown that individuals who experience mockery can suffer from anxiety, depression, and lowered self-esteem, which can have lasting effects on their mental health.
Understanding the motivations behind mockery is crucial for fostering a more compassionate society.
Addressing mockery requires a commitment to empathy and understanding. Studies indicate that promoting awareness about disabilities and the challenges faced by individuals can help reduce instances of ridicule.
Educational programs that emphasize inclusivity can foster understanding and acceptance, creating a more supportive environment for all.
Encouraging open discussions about the impacts of mockery can empower individuals to stand up against such behavior.
Psychological Analysis
This situation highlights the emotional toll that mocking can take on individuals, particularly those who are already vulnerable. It's essential to understand that such behavior not only harms the individual being mocked but can also create a toxic environment for others.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
The psychological effects of mockery can be profound and long-lasting. Research published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology emphasizes the importance of empathy in reducing instances of bullying and ridicule.
Emotional intelligence plays a vital role in managing familial relationships, especially when addressing sensitive topics like disability. Research shows that cultivating empathy can lead to healthier communication patterns, as it allows family members to better understand each other's perspectives.
Dr. Daniel Goleman’s work on emotional intelligence emphasizes that teaching family members to express their feelings and listen actively can mitigate misunderstandings. Encouraging open dialogues about emotions and experiences can create a supportive environment, reducing the likelihood of hurtful comments.
Therapeutic Insights & Recovery
Navigating family relationships, particularly in the context of competition and disability, requires a nuanced understanding of emotional dynamics. Studies consistently emphasize the importance of empathy and emotional intelligence in fostering healthier interactions. As noted by the American Psychological Association, open communication can prevent misunderstandings and foster a supportive family environment.
By cultivating awareness and emotional skills, families can create a more inclusive atmosphere that values each member's journey, ultimately leading to better relational outcomes.
