Adults Who Never Questioned The House Rules They Had As Kids And Just Realized That Not All Families Had Them

When you're a kid, you basically have to adhere to any rules your parents come up with. The worst part is that you're not even allowed to suggest some of your own rules because you're a child and you still don't know what's good for you.

A lot of people grew up with numerous specific and strange rules that their parents enforced, ensuring that anyone who broke them was punished. 

It's pretty much like a dictatorship; as long as you don't pay the bills with your own money, you don't have the right to express your opinion about many things. That's just how things work. (h/t)

1. A Flawed System

We voted as a family on all important decisions. Under 18s got half a vote each, so the three kids always got outvoted 2 to 1.5, but we were stupidly content that we’d lost in a ‘fair’ democratic vote.The system collapsed when we had to decide whether to have a cat or not, and Mom unexpectedly abstained.

Understanding Familial Rules

When individuals grow up adhering strictly to family rules, they often internalize these guidelines, leading to a rigid worldview. Research in developmental psychology indicates that this can affect how one processes authority and autonomy later in life.

Specifically, studies show that children raised in highly structured environments may struggle with decision-making as adults (Baumrind, 1991). They might find it challenging to question norms or assert their preferences. Understanding this can help individuals navigate their current relationships and beliefs more effectively.

2. Some Pretty Uncommon Rules

I had SUPER laid-back parents, but there were a few specific things that they were randomly crazy strict about.No gum. No Play-Doh. No cereal with sugar as one of the top three ingredients. No Simpsons.I had basically no rules growing up, but those four things would make them lose their minds. I still get anxious when I’m chewing gum, and I’m 35.

3. Totally Not Weird...

Haiku night dinners.Some nights we spoke in haikuAnd only haiku

4. It Is Kind of Weird

Not mine, but my mother-in-law and her sister will fuss at you if you wash your hands in the kitchen sink. I think that’s weird.If there’s a sink and some hand soap, I say wash away. My wife isn’t like that.

5. How to Embarrass Your Kids

I had to answer the phone with, “Hello, this is first-name last-name speaking,” whenever I answered the phone (this is obviously in the 80s before caller ID on landlines). My mom tried to make my childhood friends do it too when they called me to play. As in:“Hi, can I talk to geeltulpen?”“Who is this?”“It’s friend.”“Well, friend, when you call this house and I answer the phone, you should say hello to me and then tell me that it’s you, your first name and last name, before you ask to speak to geeltulpen.”Boy, was I popular.

6. Asking for Permission

We weren’t allowed to eat anything without asking. Even for a glass of water, we were required to ask first. When my boyfriend and I started dating, I would ask his parents if I could eat or drink something if I was hungry or thirsty, and it was a hard habit to break when his mom told me I could literally eat or drink anything (other than alcohol).It was so weird to just go into the fridge or pantry without permission. I sometimes have to fight the urge to ask my boyfriend if I can eat OUR food in OUR apartment.When I went to my parents' house for Christmas, I was reprimanded for getting an apple without asking first. It’s just all so weird, but it used to be so normal.

7. Definitely Not Their Favorite Child

I had to wash the dishes every night, even if I wasn’t home for the meal. There were times I’d get home from an away basketball game (I was on the team) after 10 PM, and the dishes had sat since they finished eating around 6:30 PM.My older brother’s nightly chore? Take out the garbage.He’d be done in 2 minutes. I’d have 30+ minutes of washing, drying, putting away, and cleaning up the kitchen.

8. That's a Weirdly Specific Number

My dad made a rule that I had to kill seven flies a day during my summer break.

9. The Food Blanket

My family had a thing we called the food blanket. When we’d eat casual meals, we’d lay a blanket on the living room floor and eat on it, like a picnic. My parents didn’t want to get any food on the carpet. Instead of “set the table,” my mom would say, “go lay out the blanket.” I remember being really confused when I learned that not every family had a food blanket.

10. Total Freedom of Choice

My parents used a laissez-faire parenting style. No censorship whatsoever. I watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show with my brother when I was 7.Pretty awkward when I brought the VHS with me to a sleepover at a friend’s house. The parents were mortified.

11. The Pissing Jar

It wasn’t in my home, but my aunt and uncle never let us use the upstairs washroom when we were kids because they thought we’d touch the walls with our dirty hands. So they made us pee in a jar they kept under the kitchen sink and just poured it down the drain when we were done. I never thought it was strange until I brought it up to my cousin a few years ago; we laughed pretty hard about it.

12. Manual Climate Control

Winter meant the thermostat was turned to 55, all vents but the living room vent were closed, a magnetic sheet was put on the vents to prevent leaks, and then ALL windows got the plastic sheeting & hairdryer treatment. A sheet was hung from the ceiling by the staircase to prevent the living room vent from sending all the heat upstairs. Lots of baking was done. Of course, the bathroom and kitchen vents stayed closed year-round.Summer meant the thermostat was set to 80, all vents downstairs were closed, and a magnetic sheet was put on. Curtains would be drawn 24/7, and oven use was kept to a minimum.

13. Absolute Genius

My mom used to pay me to be my own babysitter between the ages of 10 and 14 or so. The rule was that as long as I didn't make a mess and I put myself to bed by the time she got home, then I got $10 in the morning.

Cognitive Dissonance and Discovering Truths

When adults realize that their upbringing fundamentally differed from their peers, it can trigger cognitive dissonance. This psychological state occurs when their beliefs about family norms clash with new information, leading to discomfort. Research conducted by the University of Michigan suggests that this dissonance can provoke deep self-reflection and a reevaluation of one’s beliefs.

Understanding that families operate under varying rules can help individuals reframe their experiences and recognize the uniqueness of their upbringing. This process is crucial for personal growth and a healthier self-concept.

To navigate these realizations, practicing self-compassion is vital. Embracing one’s unique background while allowing space for curiosity about others’ experiences can lead to a more fulfilling understanding of self. Cognitive-behavioral techniques, such as journaling about feelings, can aid in processing these revelations.

Engaging in conversations with others who share similar experiences can also foster a sense of belonging, helping individuals feel less isolated. This support can be invaluable as they integrate new perspectives into their self-identity.

Psychological Analysis

This moment of realization highlights the often-unquestioned assumptions we carry into adulthood from childhood. It's essential to recognize that differing family dynamics can shape our perceptions and experiences, leading to personal growth when explored thoughtfully.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Such realizations can be both jarring and enlightening, as research indicates that understanding one's family dynamics can lead to improved emotional health. As psychological studies suggest, exploring these dynamics can facilitate healing and growth. In acknowledging these differences, individuals can foster a deeper sense of self and enhance their relationships.

Navigating Rule-Based Upbringings

Experts suggest that recognizing the impact of one’s upbringing is the first step toward healing. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology highlights that cognitive restructuring techniques can help individuals reframe their understanding of family rules.

Practicing mindfulness and self-reflection encourages exploration of personal values and boundaries. By engaging in therapeutic settings or support groups, individuals can learn to voice their needs and establish healthier relationships, which fosters emotional resilience.

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the influence of childhood rules on adult behavior is crucial for personal growth. Research consistently shows that unresolved familial dynamics can lead to emotional challenges in adulthood. Acknowledging these patterns allows for a deeper understanding of oneself, paving the way for healthier relationships.

Therapeutic interventions focused on self-awareness and boundary-setting can significantly improve emotional health. As studies highlight, embracing one’s narrative can transform perceived limitations into opportunities for growth, fostering a more adaptive and fulfilling life.