Man Seeks To Keep Mother-In-Law In Dark After She Tried To Make His Baby's Death All About Herself

A neonatal death is when a newborn dies in the first four weeks following its birth; another term for it is infant death. Most neonatal deaths occur during the first week after birth.

Losing a child can be incredibly painful, and there will be a lot on your mind. Yes, there are ways to get through these experiences, but that doesn't mean your grief will be any less intense.

As you can see, losing a baby can have a devastating effect on the entire family. Many grieving parents find that allowing family members to see the infant helps, as this can enable them to empathize with the loss while providing much-needed support.

The OP's wife just gave birth, but they were informed that their baby would not survive for long. In fact, the baby was given only 72 hours to live, so the couple decided to give the baby the utmost attention and love.

They chose to involve their in-laws, and that was when the issues began. The OP's mother-in-law started disregarding the couple's existence and disrespecting their decisions.

She consistently tried to make the situation about herself as the grieving grandmother. It reached a point where the OP's mother-in-law made a racist remark, which only angered him further.

Read the full story in the OP's own words as you scroll down below.

The headline

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The OP and his wife are about to lose their baby

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Navigating Grief and Self-Centeredness

Grief can often lead individuals to behave in ways that appear self-centered, especially when they are unable to process their emotions effectively. Dr. George Bonanno, a renowned psychologist specializing in grief, notes that people experiencing loss may inadvertently focus on their pain, overshadowing the needs of others. This is particularly evident when one person’s grief manifests in ways that conflict with the grieving process of another.

In the case of the mother-in-law making the baby's death about herself, it could be a maladaptive coping mechanism, reflecting her inability to address her own grief healthily. This dynamic can create tension within families, as others may feel their grief is invalidated.

Then comes the MIL who isn't helping matters

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The OP is a more composed person

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

Would I be the A-hole to prevent my mother-in-law from interfering with my newborn’s death?

Let's head into the comments section and find out what other Redditors have to say regarding the story

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This Redditor is sorry for the OP's loss

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Effective strategies for addressing such conflicts often involve open communication. Research in the Journal of Family Psychology emphasizes that discussing feelings and expectations surrounding grief can help mitigate misunderstandings. Encouraging family members to express their emotions can lead to greater empathy and understanding among them, fostering a supportive environment.

In this scenario, setting boundaries around conversations about grief and encouraging the mother-in-law to seek her own support may help alleviate the emotional burden on the primary griever.

They can make sure she behaves herself

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This can't all fall on the OP

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The OP left this in the comments

This is not my country; I have no family or friends here. I came here on my own to witness my child’s birth but ended up slapped with unexpected news. I don’t want to justify why I am on Reddit, but being without family or friends, and the only people I have hovering around are here for my wife only and not me. So yes, when she does ask for privacy or has to be taken somewhere else for hospital purposes, I have no one to talk to. So, am I wrong for confiding in strangers?

This Redditor is hoping for a miracle

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OP's MIL is an evil woman

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The Importance of Boundaries in Grieving

Psychologists stress the importance of establishing boundaries during the grieving process. According to Dr. Judith Orloff, an expert in emotional healing, boundaries can protect individuals from becoming overwhelmed by others' grief. Creating space for personal grief is essential for healing, as it allows individuals to process their emotions without external pressure.

In this case, the husband may need to communicate clearly with his mother-in-law about the impact of her behavior on his emotional state. Setting such boundaries can facilitate healthier interactions and reduce the likelihood of escalating tensions.

A partner should take their SO at face value

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She should stop being included

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Furthermore, seeking professional counseling can play a crucial role in navigating complex family grief dynamics. Family therapy can provide a safe space to explore feelings and facilitate healthier communication. Research published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology indicates that therapy can help families develop effective strategies for coping with shared losses, ultimately strengthening familial bonds.

Encouraging the family to engage in therapy can foster mutual understanding and respect, allowing each member to process their grief in their own way.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the complexities of grief and how it can sometimes lead to self-centered behaviors. Establishing boundaries and encouraging open communication can be critical steps in navigating these sensitive dynamics within families.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, navigating grief within families requires careful attention to communication and boundaries. Psychological research supports the idea that addressing these dynamics can lead to healthier grieving processes. By fostering open dialogue and supporting one another, families can find healing together, even amidst their individual pain.

Dealing with a newborn's death might take a long time, and grieving in private is okay. It's not necessary to socialize with people immediately, but when you're ready, you can reach out and accept the help of your loved ones.

OP's mother-in-law is not helping matters at all, and the OP was advised to enforce boundaries so she won't hurt his wife with her derogatory remarks. Eventually, the OP was declared not the AH.