21 Y.O. Who Just Left His Parents' House Doesn't Want to Help Parents and Babysit His 9-Month-Old Brother

Having a baby in your forties while working full-time brings many challenges. One challenge is balancing work and home life.

Working full-time while having a baby can be exhausting and time-consuming. You may have to adjust your work schedule to accommodate doctor appointments, naps, and other family needs.

Additionally, you may need to ask for help from family and friends, such as assistance with childcare or running errands. But what do you do when the family doesn't want to help?

OP, a 21-year-old electrician apprentice, shares an apartment with two roommates. His parents, both 46, have a nine-month-old baby who was born shortly after OP moved out.

His parents have been having difficulty securing childcare and are both working full-time, which has taken a toll on them. As a result, they have been asking OP almost weekly if he could come over on one of his days off to watch his brother. OP, who is child-free, has refused every time, as he dislikes taking care of kids.

He tried babysitting his cousins as a teen, and it did not go well. Even though he has nothing against kids, he is not interested in having a sibling relationship with someone who is young enough to be his son. He has told them this multiple times, but they called him again last week, making the same request.

OP was fed up and told them that he had already refused their request dozens of times and that his brother was their responsibility. He then hung up.

Since then, he has not heard a word from them and is worried that he may have been too harsh.

OP asks:

Reddit

OP is a 21-year-old electrician apprentice and shares an apartment with two roommates. His parents are both 46, and they have a 9-month-old baby.

Reddit

They often ask OP to babysit, but he always refuses. Even though he has nothing against kids, he is not interested in having a sibling relationship with someone who is young enough to be his son.

Reddit

Sibling Dynamics and Responsibility

The reluctance of the 21-year-old to babysit his infant brother reflects common sibling dynamics, particularly in families where age gaps exist. Dr. Janice Porter, a developmental psychologist, notes that older siblings often feel burdened by expectations placed upon them.

This can lead to resentment, especially if they perceive the younger sibling as an obligation rather than a relationship.

They called again. OP was fed up and told them that he had already refused their request dozens of times and that his brother was their responsibility.

Reddit

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

Reddit

This Redditor spoke quite openly:

Reddit

Research by Dr. Alison Gopnik, a developmental psychologist, emphasizes the significance of autonomy in young adults. She states, "When older siblings are thrust into parental roles, it can stifle their personal growth and foster feelings of inadequacy." Understanding this dynamic can aid parents in nurturing healthier sibling relationships by encouraging individual autonomy, as noted by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a renowned parenting expert who asserts, "Empowering children to develop their own identities is crucial for their emotional well-being."

"Adults should not be forced to do anything, even for relatives, and aren't assholes for holding this position."

Reddit

However, there is another side to this story. The parents will also be NTA if they don't babysit for OP or leave him out of the will, because they DON'T HAVE TO.

Reddit

He can just be nice and help.

Reddit

Promoting Healthy Sibling Relationships

To foster a positive relationship between siblings, parents should encourage mutual respect and understanding. Communication experts suggest that engaging older siblings in discussions about their feelings and expectations can alleviate feelings of resentment.

By acknowledging their perspectives, parents can help bridge the gap between the ages and promote a sense of partnership rather than obligation.

"OP's parents need to open their wallets and hire a babysitter."

Reddit

OP should help occasionally.

Reddit

This makes sense:

Reddit

Overall, having a baby in your forties while working full-time can be a difficult but rewarding experience. With proper planning and support, you can successfully manage the challenges of balancing work and home life, managing your energy levels, and adjusting your goals.

However, if you work full-time, you need either paid or free childcare assistance.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complexities of sibling relationships, especially when significant age gaps exist. It's common for older siblings to feel burdened by expectations, leading to a struggle for autonomy.

Encouraging open dialogue within the family can help address these tensions and promote healthier relationships.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, understanding the dynamics of sibling relationships is crucial for fostering healthy family interactions.

According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, "Open communication is essential in any relationship, especially among siblings, as it fosters understanding and reduces resentment." By promoting autonomy and encouraging dialogue, families can strengthen their bonds. Furthermore, Dr. Lawrence Cohen, a child psychologist, emphasizes that "addressing sibling rivalry and relationship dynamics early on can create a more harmonious home environment." By tackling these issues proactively, families can cultivate a supportive atmosphere.