Reddit Believes Racism Is Behind This Woman's Exclusion From Her Husband's Family Dinners

Marrying someone means marrying into their family as well, for better or for worse. For the most part, that means being a part of each other's traditions, family events, and even simple dinners.

Unless you've cut ties with your partner's family, it means that you will always be each other's plus one at these events. Except for this 32-year-old wife, sadly.

She turned to Reddit to express her recent frustration with her husband of three years. OP (original poster) prefaced the story by saying her husband is "a really good guy in other areas"; not a great start for the husband.

Onto the problem: OP's husband, his parents, his brothers, and their significant others have a mini tradition of going out for a meal once a month. OP is invited to about half of these dinners.

She asked the fiancée of her husband's brother, and apparently, they are invited to all of these dinners. On the other hand, OP's husband tells her he's about to go to dinner and that it would be better if OP sits this one out.

Even when OP tells him she wants to be there as well, he insists that it wouldn't be a good idea. This simple act of exclusion from her own husband has caused a lot of tension between the two of them.

Recently, OP's husband was scheduled to attend one of these dinners. Of course, to no one's surprise, OP wasn't invited yet again; she was fuming.

As petty as it sounds, OP booked a table for herself in the same restaurant as her husband's family without his knowledge.

The husband left for his family dinner, and OP left the house 15 minutes after him. At the restaurant, OP was given a table where she couldn't really see him and his family.

Determined not to be invisible anymore, OP stood up and passed by their table as if she were heading to the restroom. OP saw that his entire family was there, including his brother's partners.

OP's husband was shocked when he saw OP walking past them and asked what she was doing there. OP cheekily replied that she was craving steak and decided on the one offered at the restaurant.

Her mother-in-law told OP that it was rude of her to interrupt their dinner. OP rightfully pointed out that she wasn't trying to join their table and wished them a great meal before walking away.

OP returned to her table and happily finished her meal alone before going home. When her husband arrived home, he was visibly upset, saying he couldn't believe how much of an a**hole OP was.

She defended herself, telling him he was the a**hole for not inviting her when her brother's significant others were included. OP's husband said that it's their family's decision who to invite to their monthly dinners and that OP should just respect that.

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Due to her husband calling her an a**hole, OP is now wondering if she did behave like one. What do you think? Read her original post below:

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Reddit users had a hunch that this situation has more to it than OP not fitting in with the

night_owl37

OP revealed that she's mixed race while her husband's family is white and religious.

restaurantcrasher

Maybe OP has noticed some racist undertones in her conversations with her husband's family?

night_owl37

OP says if racism is the reason, then they are not making it obvious, although she's not denying that it could contribute to their dislike of her.

restaurantcrasher

By not standing up for OP, her husband is contributing to her exclusion.

Late-Cod-5972

Let's not jump to conclusions too quickly, as this situation could also have a different reason.

TragedyRose

Unfortunately, if there is another reason, OP is not privy to it.

restaurantcrasher

In the simplest terms: her husband and his family do not see OP as a member of their family.

SnapesGrayUnderpants

In another world, OP's husband could have defended her this way.

axeldelrio

By merely attending the family dinners alone and not inviting OP, her husband is signaling to his family that they can mistreat OP without facing repercussions.

axeldelrio

OP can blow everything up and say the silent part out loud and see how quickly they deny it.

Tall-Ad-6346

You have to worry about the quiet, subtle racists because they are more dangerous.

royalsanguinius

After a while, OP posted a heartbreaking yet courageous update:

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OP confronted her husband and told him she was his family and deserved an explanation.

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She admitted that she never really suspected that her race played a part in this issue, but she asked her husband after reading the comments on Reddit.

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He said that he didn't care about her race, but his tone implied that someone or several someones in his family did.

restaurantcrasher

After prodding, here's the answer that OP received:

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After hearing his answer, OP wasted no time packing her bags. She has been with her own family for a while, but she and her husband aren't officially divorced.

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OP thanked Reddit users for their kindness and support throughout this unfortunate turn of events.

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The supportive comments poured in once more, this time cheering OP for her bravery and wishing her the best for the future.

disrespectnot

They also reassured her that she deserves more than the "love" and "support" her husband has been giving her.

Effective_Emu663

While difficult to read, OP made the right choice by standing up for herself.

RealAnnaMarie

She has no reason to feel bad; if anyone needs to be shamed and heartbroken over this, it's her husband and his family.

RealAnnaMarie

The Reddit community did a great job lifting OP up. They showed her what was really happening and empowered her to say enough.

JazzyPhotoMac

No one wants a relationship to end, but no one deserves to be trapped in a marriage like this one. No person deserves to be treated like a second priority by their own significant other, who is too cowardly to stand up against racism.

Even though it took three years, OP was able to see the light and remove herself from a marriage that was going nowhere. In the future, we hope that OP can find a partner who will be proud to have her by his side at any dinner table.