Woman Considers Divorcing Husband for Not Wanting Kids

A 31-year-old woman wanted kids from the jump, and she wasn’t being coy about it. She told her husband early on that motherhood was her goal, he agreed, and they built a life around that shared plan.

Then her pregnancy turned into the kind of nightmare you never expect to live through, she miscarried at 33 weeks and delivered a stillborn baby. While she was grieving, her husband looked relieved, and that relief never really stopped echoing. When she brought up trying again, he flipped the script and said he didn’t want children after all.

Now she’s considering divorce, and he’s calling it proof she doesn’t love him, which is a pretty wild reaction to a woman who already lost everything.

Original Post

First, English is not my first language.

This is actually simple: I (F31) have always wanted to be a mom. I have always vocalized this while dating, and I have always dated while being honest. I was always honest with my husband (M33).

At 25, I met my now-husband. From the start, I said that I wanted someone who shared the same goals; he always said that he felt the same. We got married a couple of years later.

Last year, I miscarried, and he looked relieved, but at the time, I was under the impression that we all grieve differently. Yesterday, I started the topic of trying again, and he told me that his mind had changed and that he actually was not happy that I miscarried but relieved.

I told him that if that's the case, I want a divorce. I do believe that wanting kids is a deal breaker, and I will not force him to have them or be convinced not to have them.

Now he is telling me that I must not love him in order to go straight to divorcing. I do not want to spend time in therapy trying to save something that is doomed or convince myself to do something I do not want to.

Divorce in my country without kids is easy. So, AITAH for just wanting to divorce him and move on with my life?

Edit to add: He told me that with therapy, he might be ready to be a dad even if he does not want it... I do not want to force paternity on anybody.

Edit to add context 2: I lost my baby at 33 weeks. I did not suffer any complications, nor was my life ever at risk; it was a healthy pregnancy. I delivered my baby already knowing that it was stillborn, and while I held my baby, all my husband could think was that he was relieved.

We both did therapy afterward. While grief is complex, this isn't the case.

We did individual therapy at the time.

In the realm of intimate relationships, the alignment of life goals emerges as a cornerstone for stability and satisfaction. The Reddit user's struggle with her husband's reluctance to have children highlights a profound disconnect in their shared aspirations. While they may have initially agreed on their future, the revelation of her husband's feelings has thrown their relationship into turmoil.

The emotional toll of such fundamental disagreements cannot be underestimated. When partners diverge on pivotal issues like parenthood, it often leads to deep-seated conflict and distress, forcing individuals to reconsider the viability of their partnership.

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Comment from u/ManagementFinal3345

That first “I want to be a mom” conversation is what makes the husband’s sudden change feel so brutal, especially after he once promised he wanted the same future.

Studies published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships reveal that differing life goals can create a sense of disconnection and dissatisfaction within relationships. Partners may begin to feel as though they are growing apart, leading to reevaluations of their compatibility.

This disconnection can be particularly challenging when it involves deeply held desires, such as parenthood.

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When faced with significant relationship decisions, effective communication becomes essential.

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The timeline gets uglier when she remembers the miscarriage at 33 weeks, and how he seemed relieved while she was holding their baby.

Seeking couples therapy can also provide valuable support during this challenging time.

This also echoes the roommate refusing to limit shower time and pay a fair water bill.

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What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!

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When she asked to try again and he said his mind changed, she didn’t negotiate, she straight-up said divorce is on the table.

He then tries to sell the idea that therapy could make him ready to be a dad anyway, and she shuts it down fast because she refuses to force paternity on anyone.

The tension between differing life goals permeates the narrative of the woman contemplating divorce over her husband's reluctance to have children. This personal account highlights the emotional turmoil that can arise when partners find themselves at a crossroads, despite initial agreements on shared aspirations.

Effective communication and mutual respect emerge as essential tools in addressing such profound differences. The struggle between the desire for motherhood and a partner's hesitance underscores the need for couples to openly discuss their futures to find a resolution that respects both individuals' dreams.

He might think therapy can fix this, but OP is already done negotiating for a family he never truly wanted.

Before you decide about your marriage, see the woman whose family used her inheritance for luxury.